Miss Communication

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.

Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I’m just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. 😉

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I don’t claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them…yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into “selling out” and you will not see any symptoms of “bitchassness”…on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome…all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 11

“MISS COMMUNICATION”

It is said that Women fall in love between their ears. I have, and I’m sure other Women have, girlfriends that (as we all can) get caught up when a Man begins communication with us via phone calls/texts/emails. What does that all mean? They are interested? Yes, but to what extent?

When Women say Men are complicated, it is simply put, that we often make them that way. We tend to draw our own conclusions on their behavior, and create these elaborate stories between ourselves and our girlfriends as to why they act the way they do. I’m not trying to give guys credit but they are far less complicated than we are. I don’t take that, (and ladies neither should you) as an insult. The fact that we are more “complicated” makes us far more interesting than men 😉

Here is the reality of things Ladies:
Men aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship when they call, text or email everyday. They are however, looking for companionship. Let’s not get the two confused. COMPANIONSHIP IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP.
Ok, so what does it all mean? It means friends, oh you mean boyfriend? No, FRIENDS. Many Women set themselves up for some serious disappointment when they think communication via phone email or text is going to lead them to a relationship.
The problem is what our minds do with simple conversation. It will go from a casual 5 minute conversation with a Man to a 3 hour long conversation with our girlfriends about that 5 minute conversation.

So guys, you call/text/email the following: “Hey there, just wanted to say hi! Have a good day”
Her thought process (and common mistake in translation): “He’s thinking of me! He misses me!”
(Real translation) you: “Just wanted to say hi” (pretty simple stuff)

Don’t over analyze a guys’ communication with you. When you meet someone it shouldn’t be looked at past that meeting. Unfortunately, sometimes when Women meet Men, we often upon first meeting, if we like them, even as conversation is flowing, are planning the wedding in our heads, and seeing what our future babies will look like when we should just be focusing on getting to know them as people.
What’s a good solution to this problem? My advice is to not put all of your eggs in one basket, until it has been discussed and is clear that you are both on the same page. It’s not fool proof but, it makes it more difficult to be disappointed when you have a few options. If we don’t focus on just one, we won’t get so obsessed in thought about what all that communication means.

“Why did he stop calling!?”

…..Yeah if a Guy stops calling we immediately begin obsessing over why.
Ladies, we will drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it out! We may NEVER know! So why beat yourself up? If you have a few other options, your social calendar will be too full to have the time to sit and question that for long.

This comes down to the girls. Keep it casual, keep it fun until he proves he deserves your full time attention, then decide where you want to go from there.
I love being a girl…but I do feel bad for Men sometimes, when a month to a girl may seem enough time to establish a relationship, to a guy that may not be enough time to establish anything other than companionship; be it friends or friends with benefits but maybe not an actual relationship. So instead of trying to figure out if that’s where it’s heading just enjoy life! Having a few prospects always makes dating more interesting anyway and fun! Like one of my best girlfriends says, “Guys are like Lays Chips…you can’t have just one!!” True….true.. 😉

Again, it’s not fool proof but is a great way to avoid the “why isn’t he calling conversation” with your girlfriends. Don’t expect them to call, but know at the same time that they will because you are just that great! If he doesn’t or if he’s calling for companionship and you want a relationship, you will be too busy being too fucking fabulous and living your life to the fullest to worry about the guy who doesn’t realize how great you are. He should want to snag you and make sure you don’t want to focus on anyone else! If not, then say it with me girls “Not my problem!”

So remember, when meeting with a guy, focus on that time, on them as people, not as future husbands, not as future “Babies Daddies” but just as simple human beings looking for companionship.
Let them prove they are worthy of more than that. Until then, indulge in that greasy bag of chips girls 😉

7 comments for “Miss Communication

  1. DTR
    June 29, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    Love this post, I agree.

    My thoughts from a guy's POV is sometimes the girls are the same way… they have so many options, they may be looking for companionship and not a relationship too. Guys that are actually interested in a relationship may be frustrated when a girl they find exceptional to be not as interested.

    Ladies, if you are open to being in a relationship, don't get caught up in enjoying all the attention, because you may let that one guy that isn't an a-hole, jealous, insecure, clingy, etc pass on by without really realizing it.

    Know when to hold on to your cards, fold your cards… and when to cash in and walk away from the table. 😉

  2. reyrey
    July 1, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Yes I agree men are less complicated than women because we are more logical. So what we say is what we mean. Women in the other hand are emotional and base their emotions of talking out their feelings with their girlfriends hence the long coversation w/ your girls about a 5 minute convo you had in a text, phone or email. For guys it doesn’t work that way, a guy can talk about random stuff on the fly, sports, UFC fight night, or just what comes to mind. One subject doesn’t have to pertain to the other. That’s where guys make the common mistake when talking to the opposite sex, they tend to be more like guys when trying to communicate with women. They talk about random shit that doesn’t pertain to what they oringinally talked about. ON A SIDE NOTE: Guys if you do listen to her rant about her problems she will classify you to be just a friend and not a potential lover, boyfriend or suitor. What I’m saying is to be in the moment when having fun or interacting with a girl because that’s how she communicates. It’s in real-time and in the moment. Just leave her rants to her girlfriends, that’s why they invented girl-time. I agree with DTR although I was an asshole to girls when I was young I was never the jealous or clingy type of guy. I didn’t put girls on a pedestal, why all the attention? It’s not necessary, they are just human beings. I can take it or leave it, it doesn’t matter because in the end we would both be just fine. If a girl always wants attention and that’s all she wants, I just walk the other way. I only reserve that attention for a girl I love being around with and of course I will make her feel special because I know and she knows that she deserves it. It can be in the form of excitement, pleasure or fun. I don’t buy a girls attention. I only buy things that are memorable and I truly and genuinely want to give to her because it’s done out of appreciation for her. Never because she’s this beautiful goddness that I shower her with gifts. It’s about right motives and intention. The problem with dating and living the single life is that many people who date play head games with each other, whether it’s from a text, email or phone. If I like someone and I am sexually attracted to her I let my intent known, I don’t pretend to hide my vibe and of course I’m not groping all over her like a horny little douche bag. I let her feel my energy and my attraction I have for her in a certain look, a certain tone, a certain touch, then it just happens naturally. There is no playing games with each other because there is no need to since your both mature..right? Speaking of companionship we both want companionship in our lives. Maybe more so with guys than women. It helps us get through the hundrum of our everyday life. Relationships take time to grow and with growth it becomes a mature and quality relationship they have for each other that they can cherish. A mature relationship is based on mutual respect for each other, one holds power and the other holds power, one is not weaker than the other. One is not domineering or manupulative, the relationship is based on reciprocation. The relationship encourages growth in one another. The relationship has healthy boundaries. I don’t have to prove to anyone that I’m worthy because I know I’m worthy, just like you’re worthy of love and a quality relationship with a guy. It just happens naturally without any expectations when two people have the same values and goals in what determines a quality relationship. But Hey I agree! Indulge girls! Because you’ll only know what you want and what you don’t want when you date more than just one. Like I tell guys don’t have a disease of Oneitis thinking she is the only one, because honestly she’s not. There is a saying and it’s this: “There is a lot of people out there who can be your soul mate but there is not many who can be your life partner.” It’s about having fun! and in the process you know more about yourself 😉 It happens when you least expect it…Who knows it can be happening to you right now ladies and gentlemen you just don’t know it.

  3. sdsinglegirl
    July 1, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    Thanks for the comments guys! You both have very valid points! Some girls DO THIS…live in the attention they are getting and let a good one slip away. I agree, if either party is looking for something serious, it should be known. I for one am pretty simple. If I like someone…TRUST ME you will know..other than that, I'm not hard to read. Sometimes, the chemistry is just not there though but it doesn't mean I still don't want to hang out with them. That being said, once a guy is aware I just want to be friends I get that he won't want to romance me and that's ok, but often times a guy will say "it's cool if you just want to be friends" then I never hear from them again…Maybe it's not cool that I just want to be friends?

  4. reyrey
    July 1, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    So Lori, what is chemistry to you? Describe what it feels or looks like?

  5. JD-Maybe
    July 7, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Good Blog! If you want some more traffic you should go to

    http://www.google.com/webmasters/

    Then people will google you or find you by keywords…I got a lot of traffic this way.

  6. sdsinglegirl
    July 12, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    Hmm, chemistry to me comes on different levels and I don't look deep into a 1st date..as a girl, it's too often we can get too excited and as i said, set ourselves up for some serious disappointment. If there is a good amount of humor involved and appealing to the eye (my eye) lol..we can go from there. There are so many facets of chemistry, looks alone don't do it. I have been out with hottest of the hot and that doesn't necessarily get them a second date..it's all on a case by case basis.

    JD-Maybe (hmmmmm??)
    thank you for the web advice. I will look into it 🙂

  7. Timmy Two Shoes
    July 20, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    enter without itinerary (or preplanned agenda) and an open mind, Show interest….show you are curious and be patient being sure to take the time to allow for the opportunity for yours and his charm and true character to reveal itself and it will do so in unexpected ways, one way or another if given time and thought. Go in to it with no other expectations than to have a good time with good company…. Take the reigns and be responsible for your environment and who you choose to let in to it and share yourself with and why you do so. Life isn't about what you do but about why you do what you do…. The key being strong and firm enough to know what is right and stand up for what is right refusing to be passive when it comes to this and learn to have the ability to know when that is and be strong enough to know when being a bit submissive and vulnerable is alright.
    You are free to choose your course in life and take action… be responsible for those choices and hold others responsible as well….
    Although the aspirations of love or companionship, being modest enough, they are buried beneath aspirations and expectations unwilling to acquiesce to the fact the humility is not a weakness but truly a strength who has had the foresight to be retrospective and in doing so knows that the world doesn't revolve around them.
    Unfortunately dating has become somewhat of a "paint by numbers" where the steps of what to do, say or expect seem like a strange version of "Ground Hogs Day" not having the prudence to be retrospective, never learning what the last experience has taught…. GET OFF OF THE MERRY GO ROUND!!! And, all of which is premeditated by both parties but for different reasons but to achieve the same goal (although, usually on different levels at the beginning)…. One, the predator, the other the prey, with both setting "the trap" by posturing to be the other unfortunately not realizing this lends itself to the fact that this actually is an insecurity masqueraded as an over inflated idea of self importance not leaving much room for forgiveness of someone being true at the onset(i.e. shy, awkward and or timid to an extent). I say put that "bag of chips" back on the shelf until you read the nutritional value and place more value on yourself… Open yourself up to expect and demand more (morally and character wise) and take the time not only allow this person to prove they are worthy but that you are bringing something to the table other than "a dick that says all the right things" or "a pussy and a pretty face". Eating all these chips… Unfortunately, a moment on the lips… A lifetime on the conscience. Just like dieting, you have to do the right things and work hard to loose that fat… Take your time to grow and nurture your garden and it will bare fruit (and or vegetables) which is healthy….

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