“I’ll Be Single Until FOREVVVERRRR”

There’s the ongoing joke..you know the one..about the single lady with 40 cats?

Well apparently that’s going to be me(though I don’t have any, guess I should head to the shelter)  I’m going to stay single forever and you know what? That’s ok.

This will all sound repetitive to you I’m sure, but I just feel you can never get enough..Am I right? 🙂

On my fan page, I posted the question:

“A guy offering to make dinner at his place when you have not even gone on a real 1st date yet. Lazy? Sleazy? or Slazy? ;p”

Well, about 30 comments later, I figured I needed to write some things out…vent if you will. Afterall, this is MY blog, and I can rant as much as I’d like.

The root of this rant comes from the fact that I met a guy through a friend. Nice guy who seemed to have his shit together and one point in getting to know him, said “I’m a man, not a boy”

Kind of funny, we actually started off on the wrong foot.

My girlfriend tried to explain an inside joke (which I won’t try to explain here because you just won’t get it unless you were there). I told her not to as he probably wouldn’t get it…he didn’t, and seemed to be offended. “What are you some kind of racist then? You spit out politically incorrect jokes and think that it’s funny?!”

I turn to him and say “It was a joke! We clearly are not racists! Look at our group?” I don’t discriminate when it comes to friends. I don’t discriminate when it comes to dating either!

I APPROVE OF THIS

I had just met this guy and he had started in on me within a minute of meeting me. I turned to my girlfriend and said “Who invited THIS guy anyway!?”

He tried to come back and make conversation. “So you were in the Air Force?” Me: “Yup” and I walked away. His friend said “Well, there goes that I guess”

I stayed ahead with some other friends but we all head to a party I was having at Quality Social…free drinks for me and 40 of my friends for an hour. YES!! . He approached me a little after we got there and cleared the air..we were cool after that.

I had met up with him a few times again with my girlfriend as she was mutual friends with his friends. I had invited some other friends out and they got to know him, and mentioned to me that they thought he was cool, and seemed to be into me. I didn’t think much into it. I was just enjoying the evening with my friends.  He asked me for my number and called a few times..we had great conversation, and surprisingly, he had his shit together. Not that I’m surprised that a guy has his shit together, but at 26, yeah I’m impressed.  So he suggests during one of our conversations, that we should meet up for coffee.

So I walk over one day to a Starbucks where he said he’d be.

Him: “Are you going to get something?

Me: “Yeah, a green tea” I go up and order, he stands behind..when the lady says “$1.55”, he says “Oh you got it?”

Ummm yeah, do you think I was going to turn around to you and ask, “hey you are going to pay for this right?” That wouldn’t have been odd at all!

No big deal..he can still hold a very adult conversation. I’m not going to hold that against him. He’s a cute guy, and love that he’s got a good head on his shoulders. Just forget the fucking $1.55 tea Lo.

We are sitting there chatting and I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch..or dinner yet.. he said “we should get dinner then” We go have sushi.

We are at the sushi bar, and we are getting to know eachother… he’s got an interesting life story, and despite the fact, that he didn’t buy my $1.55 tea..we were still having a great time. Then the bill comes..he puts his card in, and being that it is a nice gesture to offer and not assume he will pay, I take out my card…he takes it. “Oh cool, we’ll split the bill?” No dude, I was just kidding and I’d like to pay for ALL of it after you’ve invited me out.

We leave sushi and we part ways. On the way home, I just got to thinking. I don’t know if it’s my culture, or my Dad and Step Dad both spoiled me, but I don’t believe the lady should pay on the first date. Even to this day, I have to fight with my Dads to let me pay. I have to literally sneak the bill past them. They both have given me the look of death whenever I try to pay.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY. It’s simply a sign of respect for the lady. I decided then, that if I ever have a boy, I will give him preventative beatings so when he gets older, starts dating, and a girl pulls out her card..he will demand she puts it away because he knows what will happen to him if he lets her pay or even split the bill.

I get home and catch up with my girlfriend and she tells me:  “He’s a hang out, make out guy, not a relationship guy” ..that is so awesomely abbreviated  “H.O.M.O”

I figured as much, who at 26 wants a relationship. Not even at 29 do I want one most of the time…but that doesn’t take away from treating a lady, as a lady should be treated.

Well, we can just be friends..that’s totally cool with me. Like I’ve said before. I split the bill with my girls all the time.

Totally understand! We talk on the phone a few more times, nothing big..but then this: He suggests that I go over to his house and he’d cook me dinner.

THAT’S where the post on my fan page got heavy with comments and I felt I needed to write about what I FEEL I NEED. Not what everyone else thinks is the right thing.

Let me also say, there’s nothing wrong with at 26, acting like you are 26..there is just no need to approach a grown woman then.

What I would like:

If a guy and I decide there is chemistry..and If he then decides he’d like to take me out, that he takes me to have dinner. He pays. Period. I would think men would find it emasculating if a girl paid. Guess not all do. Just because you are attractive, does not excuse you from being a gentlemen. Somehow I think some guys have been taught this?! Where are they learning this??!!

I said this in my fan page post. The gesture for dinner was nice, but why am I going to your house? I already had to meet you out once, which I paid, then split the bill for, and now I have to go to YOU again?I think that should be saved for a later time. I’d rather you make us some pb&J sandwiches and put a blanket down at the park. That whole date can’t cost you more than $5 but an awesome scenery..priceless!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a guy to come and pick you up and go to dinner, and I don’t care if it’s to fucking McDonalds because seriously,I fucking love McDonalds. It’s the thought, and making a girl feel like he appreciates being with you and getting to know you, not treating you like every other girl.

I naturally think he’s going to try and sleep with me if I go over too. I just don’t want that situation with someone I don’t feel I even know much about.

I am in a place in my life where I don’t want to sleep around. I’ve never been that girl actually. I have had casual sex before, and don’t judge those that do,  but…for me, I ‘d rather have vacation casual sex if I’m going to do that, because then there’s a good chance I’m not going to run into you on the street and have to deal with you…and  (if you know me, you know this) I hate drama. Where others say they hate drama but in the end run towards it, I really do, in fact, do the opposite. If you are dramatic, I will move on from you, whether it’s a friend or someone I’m dating or whatever.

If you are just hooking up with a guy..ONE of you WILL get attached. That’s where drama unfolds and what I want to stay away from, so I don’t have casual sex.

Girls give it up WAY to easy these days.  So I get why guys feel they don’t need to do much because they can find a girl easily that won’t say no. I just think so many women don’t realize how powerful our sexuality is. Make him respect that part of you! The stories I hear really gross me out sometimes…so many people having sex without protection! Do you want to catch something?

SEX IS A BIG DEAL! YOUR VAGINA IS A BIG DEAL! Really, it is the fucking end all, be all, to life and everything in between! REALIZE…IT’S LIKE FINDING GOLD!..no, no, like Platinum! That’s better than gold right? Oh hell, whatever, you get it! And if you are giving it away to everyone, it no longer is something to be treasured… so stop fucking giving it away like it’s cubic zirconia.

I’m not saying to control men with it….

But I am saying, realize it is something special.

I am in a place where I want that to mean something. That’s all. If I want to have casual sex again one day, that decision will be mine, not for a guy to decide he can just make minimal effort for because he’s going to get laid anyway.

My girlfriend says: “You are picky! You are pickier than I am!” No, not really. Maybe I think too highly of myself but I feel I deserve to be treated special. That doesn’t mean breaking your bank account, it means putting some thought into a date, and not just ” like let’s hang out, and like you know, or whatever”

I’m not asking for 6 pack abs, or what your bank statements are…and no, short is not in there either. I don’t care if you are shorter than me. I’m asking for a person with a good heart and good intentions, to not treat me like a random girl. Whether we decide we should go out again or not, being treated nicely will take you a long way.

In the end, you could do everything right and end up miserable anyway. Life is funny that way, and you can’t spend all of your time wondering if perfection will walk through the door…but I know this, I don’t want a “fixer upper” and I don’t want to train a guy on how to treat me.

I can’t say anything bad about this guy really other than it seems like he just doesn’t get it. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or the patience to explain it to him.  I think if he could just get that part down, it’d be great to spend some real time with him…but what do I think will actually happen? He’ll move on when he sees I’m not responding to his “Let’s hang out or whatever” attitude…and he’ll move on to a girl that’s totally ok with that.

I guess you could say it’s all or nothing with me at this point. I don’t need half-assed…anything. I have friends already. I don’t need more friends and am sure not looking for a fuck buddy. I really just want to be left alone truthfully. If there is an awesome person that were to come my way, and be a man, and I would want to treat him equally as nice, then great..but if not,  for the millionth time.. I’M NOT SETTLING..so just leave me alone.

So here’s my motto from here on out: If you want to step to me, you better bring your A game, or don’t step to me at all. I promise I’ll be fine either way. My life is still fucking fabulous without you.

From what I hear, I’ll be single forever… totally fucking fine with me. Being single is not a plague, sad, or tragic. It’s fucking BAD ASS . And I’m not going to change up my world for someone who doesn’t want to step up and bring something awesome to my (as the article says) “dope ass party”. That’s right..I’m FUCKING RONIN!

“You’re not single. The world needs you, not the other way around. Sit and breathe. Defend the weak. Stop to salute the lotus flower. Roam the world and never feel alone. You are Ronin – you answer to no one. Your heart is your only master.”

Hell yeah.

So if you’ve got nothing..then move on little boy.

Until next time,

The Cat Lady

25 comments for ““I’ll Be Single Until FOREVVVERRRR”

  1. Kristian
    August 5, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    All I have to say is that if a guy has to say that he’s a”man” and not a “boy”…he’s still a boy.

    Actions speak louder than words and anyone who is truly a man would know that he should take care of the bill. Even if the girl makes more than you. If you would have been with me and got a $1.55 green tea I would have thought “sweet, she only spent $1.55 now I can get something other than a water cause I only have $5.”

    That’s something that I was taught growing up and you’re right in teaching your son the same manners (when you have one). Also make sure he learns to open doors and hold them open too, I can’t stand when I see guys walking inside before their dates. Not good at all.

    As always this was a good read; great job.

    • August 5, 2010 at 4:24 pm

      I totally agree. If/when I have a son, I will also teach him about holding doors etc. Being chivalrous is something my son will be if I should have one. Thank you Kristian! For reading and for the feedback 🙂

  2. ricky
    August 5, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Really like ur stuff entertaining work material. But u are definitely correct settling leads to a miserable end and No1 should punish themselves like that to fill that imaginary hole that society is telling them they feel. P.s. Don’t mean to sound preachy

    • August 5, 2010 at 8:41 pm

      Thank you Ricky! Settling is the #1 factor I believe in being miserable. People are too afraid of being alone!

  3. Steve
    August 5, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Is chivalry dead? I certainly hope not. Perhaps it’s only dead in San Diego? I’m a big believer in “treat others the same way you want to be treated”. Simple saying but not many follow it.

    Question for you – What % of your dates (within the past year) resulted in little to no chivalry (splitting meals, buying your own drinks, opening your own door, etc)?

    Great post – thank you.

    – Steve

    • August 6, 2010 at 7:52 am

      Thanks Steve! I’d hope it’s not dead either. In the past year, I’ve been on 6 dates…maybe. And out of those, 2 have been chivalrous. Wow.

  4. August 6, 2010 at 4:45 am

    I’m really only speaking for myself, but guys don’t like girls who nitpick and dissect every little moment and everything you do. Just relax and go with the flow!

    • August 6, 2010 at 7:47 am

      That’s awesome. Because I don’t like guys who aren’t chivalrous. I’m just asking for a guy to treat me like a lady. Since when is that not going with the flow? It’s hilarious that you think that’s nitpicking. I take it you are one of those guys who doesn’t open doors or let’s the girl split the bill with you.

  5. Jessica Dolan
    August 8, 2010 at 1:29 am

    What happened to the Mr. Chivalry guy who you dated earlier this year (the post about the Girls Just Want to Have Fun DVD)??? I agree the guy should be aggressive but don’t let that get in the way of going after something special like that (who is ‘perfect” as you said), not sure why you would be single if he sitting there under your nose. Anyhoo good luck!

    • August 8, 2010 at 9:53 am

      Jessica, I did a follow up post on what happened to Mr Perfect. No chemistry. We are still friends though and are in fact seeing eachother this week.

  6. August 10, 2010 at 1:35 am

    Oh no, I totally do those things whenever possible. But hey, I’m not perfect and sometimes I don’t run fast enough to grab the door before a girl puts her hand on it or I misinterpret her insisting to pay half the bill as genuine. I hope most women would appreciate that it’s difficult to read every one of their intentions and not make a huge fuss when a guy screws up occasionally!

    • Jeuel
      August 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm

      Whose dating life isn’t all F’d up? And I kind of agree with Jarin (well not the point about nitpicking) on the point that we are not perfect. No one is. And we cannot read minds. I am a super believer in paying for the girl whenever I go out. However, I am dating a girl right now who is super independent and sometimes will simply not put her money or card away. And if I say something or request that she puts it away, it’s like I’m being a chauvinist or in some strange way “WEAK” if I can’t accept a strong woman who is willing to pay for her meal. Even in a dating situation. For the record I have no problem paying for everything everytime (but it is nice to have a girl who will occasionally pay for herself because lets face it, I’m not rich and not ready to support you, or be used) And that’s such a negative comment but honestly so many women out there these days are slime. LL you are definitely in a class of your own, because you are genuine, but if I am a guy just meeting you, and having a blog written about me because I didn’t pay for your $1.55 green tea, I don’t know that you are the genuine lady you are, or the slime that a lot of us good guys have to deal with or have dealt with in the past. I love that you are providing your point of view, I just want to share the guys side of things in this dating world. It’s not that easy for us. AND we are not mind readers, my favorite is “Say what you need to say” then we have no room to f’ up, because then we know exactly what your expectations are, and what to expect in return. Especially if you like us. Just Sayin’ =)

      • August 12, 2010 at 4:34 pm

        Jeuel, I NEVER said I was looking for perfection..my previous posts state that clearly, and I have also in defense of men, said they aren’t mind readers! … When you are in a relationship with someone in regards to paying, that’s totally different! When you are dating someone no one is keeping tabs on who pays for what…. because I’m assuming it’s a partnership which means it all evens out anyway. All I am saying is when you ask a girl out..who you are not already in a relationship with and trying to get to know, be a gentleman and pay for it because after all, YOU asked her out. I would never create a date for a guy and then expect him to pay for it. That’s why I wouldn’t plan one unless I was going to pay, you can’t assume a guy can pay for what you decide.

        I love that I get all of these random comments about how this ONE post makes me look, when more than HALF of the time, I’m defending men over women in my blog! And, again, this is MY blog..which means I can write what I’d like. In this case, and in any other case, I would never tell a guy “Hey wtf, you didn’t pay for my tea?” If he doesn’t know that it’s gentlemanly to do so, I am not going to explain it to him and no I don’t tell people about my blog. Guys have found it..and still ask me out though because I’m just fucking awesome.. hard to argue that one:)

        Jeuel, I know you know me, so this isn’t an issue but for anyone who doesn’t know me, don’t judge my character off of a blog… it’s the fucking internet…

        If for some reason though,just off of my blogs…being that I think more often than not, women are the problem with why guys do what they do, you would be at my feet thanking me because I tend to side with men more..in my blog and life in general.

        So that goes for all guys, please read the rest of my posts before you assume that I’m some uptight, nitpicking, snobby chick…next thing I’ll hear is that I don’t like giving blowjobs either. Sheesh

        • Jeuel
          August 16, 2010 at 5:12 pm

          Lori you know I wasn’t talking about you or anything you write, because I know you are genuine, and yes have seen you take the guys side, that’s why I love your blogs. I’m just saying we as guys sometimes get those few who are not as dope as you. Just a quick clarification =) I love your blogs, thats why i keep coming back.

          • August 17, 2010 at 7:37 am

            ;)) <3 you Jeuel..and thank you!

  7. Just Saying....
    August 10, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    “you’re too picky”.
    Man I love that when my g/f’s tell me to lower my standards.

    My reply is usually one of the following.

    You’re too picky – I am, not like you who will date, screw anyone that asks.
    You’re standards are too high – At least I have standards.

    I know that sounds harsh and caddy as a response towards g/f’s who only have my best interest at heart, but seriously, fuck off.
    ITS MY LIFE, I have to date whomever I choose, you do not.
    The above replies usually get them to shut their cakeholes for a bit.

    Too many men are acting like a man-child and lazy about dating and relationsthips for all the reasons you listed above. It’s a shame really.

    • August 10, 2010 at 4:01 pm

      Ha! I love it! So true.. I love my girlfriends but often times have to tell them to “fuck off” as well..especially when their dating lives are all messed up. Thanks for this..made me laugh!

  8. August 15, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Hey! My friend won that party at Quality Social, too. It kinda sucked, though, because nobody believed her (we were all like, “oh, come on, free drinks? Seriously, what’s the catch?”), and our time slot was 6-7 PM on a Saturday, so only three of us actually got there in time for the free drinks.

    Everyone else learned a lesson about skepticism that night. 😉

    Anyway… from THIS guy, I see nothing wrong with your expectations. The way I see it, whoever does the inviting pays. Plain and simple. If he suggested that you go get sushi together, he pays. Or at least offers to.

    Honestly, the whole “oh, you got it?” and “oh, we’ll split it?” comments sound pretty toolish to me. Come on, dude, if you’re too much of a cheapskate to pay, don’t call attention to it. At least feign ignorance of the social expectations.

    But that’s just my twenty cents. 🙂

    • August 17, 2010 at 7:41 am

      Seriously! Quality Social keeps doing that, and I keep getting invited!! There is A LOT of damage one can do in an hour of free drinks! lol!! Hope your friends signed up too..because they will be next!

      Thank you for your feedback! 🙂

  9. August 19, 2010 at 8:26 am

    quite the rant – really funny and thoughtful. Nice one. This should be shouted across all the rooftops in So Cal!

    • August 19, 2010 at 8:51 am

      Haha…yeah, I agree. I’d like to shout it from the rooftops..and I’d like to hold some dating etiquette classes…for both sexes. Show men, how to be respectful on dates and teach women how to have a little bit more respect for themselves too…somehow though..I don’t know if that’d make much of a difference lol!

  10. August 19, 2010 at 8:29 am

    PS I do not get how guys are so cheap about this stuff. If you are on a date with a hot woman, that sushi/green tea is money VERY well spent. Nothing is lamer and unsexier than cheapness.

  11. Chris P.
    August 30, 2010 at 10:38 am

    As always, you hit the nail on the head (with a LARGE HAMMER).

    People don’t change. Men that are cheap… umm, not chivalrous, will never become that way. It’s usually the way you were raised (like with your family). Either you get it and are that way or not.

    I was raised with opening doors, walking on the outside of the woman, etc.
    It’s just plain courteous and it’s nice when the ex’s say that a lot of guys don’t do it but I did. : )

    Dating etiquette – If you ask someone out, you pay. Plain and simple.

    • August 30, 2010 at 12:42 pm

      Thank you for the feedback! Nice to hear some guys were still raised with manners!

  12. Red
    April 26, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    You know I <3 you LoLo & this will forever & always be my favorite post. Not only are you a fucking brilliant writer, but you CRAP ME UP! So funny & so true! Bonus points for including a link to JDV's funny blog too. I'm just grateful to have such a wise woman in my corner. You're the best Lo.

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