Well apparently that’s going to be me(though I don’t have any, guess I should head to the shelter) I’m going to stay single forever and you know what? That’s ok.
This will all sound repetitive to you I’m sure, but I just feel you can never get enough..Am I right? 🙂
On my fan page, I posted the question:
“A guy offering to make dinner at his place when you have not even gone on a real 1st date yet. Lazy? Sleazy? or Slazy? ;p”
Well, about 30 comments later, I figured I needed to write some things out…vent if you will. Afterall, this is MY blog, and I can rant as much as I’d like.
The root of this rant comes from the fact that I met a guy through a friend. Nice guy who seemed to have his shit together and one point in getting to know him, said “I’m a man, not a boy”
Kind of funny, we actually started off on the wrong foot.
My girlfriend tried to explain an inside joke (which I won’t try to explain here because you just won’t get it unless you were there). I told her not to as he probably wouldn’t get it…he didn’t, and seemed to be offended. “What are you some kind of racist then? You spit out politically incorrect jokes and think that it’s funny?!”
I turn to him and say “It was a joke! We clearly are not racists! Look at our group?” I don’t discriminate when it comes to friends. I don’t discriminate when it comes to dating either!
I APPROVE OF THIS
I had just met this guy and he had started in on me within a minute of meeting me. I turned to my girlfriend and said “Who invited THIS guy anyway!?”
He tried to come back and make conversation. “So you were in the Air Force?” Me: “Yup” and I walked away. His friend said “Well, there goes that I guess”
I stayed ahead with some other friends but we all head to a party I was having at Quality Social…free drinks for me and 40 of my friends for an hour. YES!! . He approached me a little after we got there and cleared the air..we were cool after that.
I had met up with him a few times again with my girlfriend as she was mutual friends with his friends. I had invited some other friends out and they got to know him, and mentioned to me that they thought he was cool, and seemed to be into me. I didn’t think much into it. I was just enjoying the evening with my friends. He asked me for my number and called a few times..we had great conversation, and surprisingly, he had his shit together. Not that I’m surprised that a guy has his shit together, but at 26, yeah I’m impressed. So he suggests during one of our conversations, that we should meet up for coffee.
So I walk over one day to a Starbucks where he said he’d be.
Him: “Are you going to get something?
Me: “Yeah, a green tea” I go up and order, he stands behind..when the lady says “$1.55”, he says “Oh you got it?”
Ummm yeah, do you think I was going to turn around to you and ask, “hey you are going to pay for this right?” That wouldn’t have been odd at all!
No big deal..he can still hold a very adult conversation. I’m not going to hold that against him. He’s a cute guy, and love that he’s got a good head on his shoulders. Just forget the fucking $1.55 tea Lo.
We are sitting there chatting and I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch..or dinner yet.. he said “we should get dinner then” We go have sushi.
We are at the sushi bar, and we are getting to know eachother… he’s got an interesting life story, and despite the fact, that he didn’t buy my $1.55 tea..we were still having a great time. Then the bill comes..he puts his card in, and being that it is a nice gesture to offer and not assume he will pay, I take out my card…he takes it. “Oh cool, we’ll split the bill?” No dude, I was just kidding and I’d like to pay for ALL of it after you’ve invited me out.
We leave sushi and we part ways. On the way home, I just got to thinking. I don’t know if it’s my culture, or my Dad and Step Dad both spoiled me, but I don’t believe the lady should pay on the first date. Even to this day, I have to fight with my Dads to let me pay. I have to literally sneak the bill past them. They both have given me the look of death whenever I try to pay.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY. It’s simply a sign of respect for the lady. I decided then, that if I ever have a boy, I will give him preventative beatings so when he gets older, starts dating, and a girl pulls out her card..he will demand she puts it away because he knows what will happen to him if he lets her pay or even split the bill.
I get home and catch up with my girlfriend and she tells me: “He’s a hang out, make out guy, not a relationship guy” ..that is so awesomely abbreviated “H.O.M.O”
I figured as much, who at 26 wants a relationship. Not even at 29 do I want one most of the time…but that doesn’t take away from treating a lady, as a lady should be treated.
Well, we can just be friends..that’s totally cool with me. Like I’ve said before. I split the bill with my girls all the time.
Totally understand! We talk on the phone a few more times, nothing big..but then this: He suggests that I go over to his house and he’d cook me dinner.
THAT’S where the post on my fan page got heavy with comments and I felt I needed to write about what I FEEL I NEED. Not what everyone else thinks is the right thing.
Let me also say, there’s nothing wrong with at 26, acting like you are 26..there is just no need to approach a grown woman then.
What I would like:
If a guy and I decide there is chemistry..and If he then decides he’d like to take me out, that he takes me to have dinner. He pays. Period. I would think men would find it emasculating if a girl paid. Guess not all do. Just because you are attractive, does not excuse you from being a gentlemen. Somehow I think some guys have been taught this?! Where are they learning this??!!
I said this in my fan page post. The gesture for dinner was nice, but why am I going to your house? I already had to meet you out once, which I paid, then split the bill for, and now I have to go to YOU again?I think that should be saved for a later time. I’d rather you make us some pb&J sandwiches and put a blanket down at the park. That whole date can’t cost you more than $5 but an awesome scenery..priceless!
I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a guy to come and pick you up and go to dinner, and I don’t care if it’s to fucking McDonalds because seriously,I fucking love McDonalds. It’s the thought, and making a girl feel like he appreciates being with you and getting to know you, not treating you like every other girl.
I naturally think he’s going to try and sleep with me if I go over too. I just don’t want that situation with someone I don’t feel I even know much about.
I am in a place in my life where I don’t want to sleep around. I’ve never been that girl actually. I have had casual sex before, and don’t judge those that do, but…for me, I ‘d rather have vacation casual sex if I’m going to do that, because then there’s a good chance I’m not going to run into you on the street and have to deal with you…and (if you know me, you know this) I hate drama. Where others say they hate drama but in the end run towards it, I really do, in fact, do the opposite. If you are dramatic, I will move on from you, whether it’s a friend or someone I’m dating or whatever.
If you are just hooking up with a guy..ONE of you WILL get attached. That’s where drama unfolds and what I want to stay away from, so I don’t have casual sex.
Girls give it up WAY to easy these days. So I get why guys feel they don’t need to do much because they can find a girl easily that won’t say no. I just think so many women don’t realize how powerful our sexuality is. Make him respect that part of you! The stories I hear really gross me out sometimes…so many people having sex without protection! Do you want to catch something?
SEX IS A BIG DEAL! YOUR VAGINA IS A BIG DEAL! Really, it is the fucking end all, be all, to life and everything in between! REALIZE…IT’S LIKE FINDING GOLD!..no, no, like Platinum! That’s better than gold right? Oh hell, whatever, you get it! And if you are giving it away to everyone, it no longer is something to be treasured… so stop fucking giving it away like it’s cubic zirconia.
I’m not saying to control men with it….
But I am saying, realize it is something special.
I am in a place where I want that to mean something. That’s all. If I want to have casual sex again one day, that decision will be mine, not for a guy to decide he can just make minimal effort for because he’s going to get laid anyway.
My girlfriend says: “You are picky! You are pickier than I am!” No, not really. Maybe I think too highly of myself but I feel I deserve to be treated special. That doesn’t mean breaking your bank account, it means putting some thought into a date, and not just ” like let’s hang out, and like you know, or whatever”
I’m not asking for 6 pack abs, or what your bank statements are…and no, short is not in there either. I don’t care if you are shorter than me. I’m asking for a person with a good heart and good intentions, to not treat me like a random girl. Whether we decide we should go out again or not, being treated nicely will take you a long way.
In the end, you could do everything right and end up miserable anyway. Life is funny that way, and you can’t spend all of your time wondering if perfection will walk through the door…but I know this, I don’t want a “fixer upper” and I don’t want to train a guy on how to treat me.
I can’t say anything bad about this guy really other than it seems like he just doesn’t get it. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or the patience to explain it to him. I think if he could just get that part down, it’d be great to spend some real time with him…but what do I think will actually happen? He’ll move on when he sees I’m not responding to his “Let’s hang out or whatever” attitude…and he’ll move on to a girl that’s totally ok with that.
I guess you could say it’s all or nothing with me at this point. I don’t need half-assed…anything. I have friends already. I don’t need more friends and am sure not looking for a fuck buddy. I really just want to be left alone truthfully. If there is an awesome person that were to come my way, and be a man, and I would want to treat him equally as nice, then great..but if not, for the millionth time.. I’M NOT SETTLING..so just leave me alone.
So here’s my motto from here on out: If you want to step to me, you better bring your A game, or don’t step to me at all. I promise I’ll be fine either way. My life is still fucking fabulous without you.
From what I hear, I’ll be single forever… totally fucking fine with me. Being single is not a plague, sad, or tragic. It’s fucking BAD ASS . And I’m not going to change up my world for someone who doesn’t want to step up and bring something awesome to my (as the article says) “dope ass party”. That’s right..I’m FUCKING RONIN!
“You’re not single. The world needs you, not the other way around. Sit and breathe. Defend the weak. Stop to salute the lotus flower. Roam the world and never feel alone. You are Ronin – you answer to no one. Your heart is your only master.”
So if you’ve got nothing..then move on little boy.
Until next time,
The Cat Lady