I was in a reminiscent mood the other day and started going through old emails, photos on Facebook, and any other photo albums I had. I was having a good laugh..old invites to parties, happy hours, party buses, you name it. Photos of us dancing around without a care in the world.
While feeling reminiscent, I noticed some of my old invites to parties were now being replaced with invites to baby showers and weddings. Photos of my girlfriends dancing like it was their job, were now replaced with photos of their kids, their wedding rings..basically all things…. “not single”.
Well where the fuck have I been??..and where was my warning that I would go from getting invites to a party of the year, to a 1 year olds birthday party?!
I started to break a sweat. Looking at my friends, it hit me,more and more are getting married, having kids…or both!
Everybody’s Changing and I Don’t Feel The Same
I’m having a hard time understanding how girlfriends that are my age, are transitioning from “I” to “We” and….quickly!
It’s like I was once surrounded by singles, we flourished! Now however, in the group of people that I know…”The Single” is becoming extinct…. it’s just marriage lock downs, and babies,babies, babies.
Girlfriends are moving forward with their version of happiness and I’m still in mine. It’s not that I’m not happy for them but I guess I don’t understand it..good thing is,maybe I don’t have to.
See, I’m not really afraid of marriage and children. I want those things… it’s just that I’m afraid of what comes after that.
Growing up what I saw in women with families, was them losing themselves completely… and once they are married, they don’t even go out anymore! I grew up essentially being taught that once you get married and have children, your life is over..and sadly that is still being reinforced because I have seen some of my girlfriends simply disappear because they get married and or have children. Their conversations go from anything worldly to who’s kids are cuter, and how great it is that little Johnny took a shit on his own.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that conversation?
I don’t know if I’m more afraid of the fact that I may lose my girlfriends because we will have less in common, that it seems like so many are transitioning to this next stage and it seems to be rather too quickly, or that when I get to this stage, I may lose myself and become one of those women who drive the soccer mom mini van accompanied by the soccer mom haircut.
Can I not keep my sexy single side when I get married and have children?
That is an honest and true fear of mine…that when it comes time get married, have children or as I like to call it transitioning to “The Dark Side”, I’m going to resist the force. That, or become completely consumed in it that I’ll look back at old photos of myself and cry myself to sleep because “Mommy used to be hot.”
Who knows..they say things change once you have your own kids and when you meet the right guy, all of that falls into place? Well,I have a long way to go before then, but when I do get there, I’m keeping hope alive. I do know some women (maybe 1 or 2) that know how to keep that balance. They are great Moms yet know how not to lose themselves and know how to keep that vibrant sexy thing that makes a woman, a woman, before she is a Mother.. I know it’s ultimately up to me to not lose myself. Here’s hoping…
I may not understand how you got to where you are in your life, but just because I’m not that stage in mine, doesn’t mean I can’t be there to support you. I’ll be there. Always will….
Not because I have to but if I am your friend and you care enough about our friendship that you want to invite me to your baby showers, and weddings, I’ll be there.
Ok, I’m lying….I’ll be there because as a friend I know I have to be, doesn’t mean I have to like it…right now anyway:)
I know I’ll find the balance when I need to, but for now, I don’t find the need to trade in my beer for baby bonnets and bassinets.