Stop Telling Me What To Do!

At 17, when the Army and Navy told me the Air Force would never let me enlist with them, I was determined to find out why. I don’t like the word “No” so I walked right over to the Air Force recruiting office and wouldn’t you know it, the Army and Navy had been lying to me (go figure).

With a big “Take that!” to the Army and Navy recruiters,  I join the Air Force just to find…. I don’t like taking orders from people.  That was over 10 years ago though, I’ve changed since then….

Ok, no, not really…..

I’m just going to keep it real with you guys, I still don’t like the word “No” and for the most part, I don’t like being told what to do. Well I’m just a hot mess aren’t I? This couldn’t possibly affect my dating life….right?

I thought it would be fun to start dating again once I got settled in LA but, I couldn’t figure out why only after a week, I was getting so irritated with it already.

I didn’t want to go out with anyone.  I found it much more satisfying and blissful to go out with my friends or do ….anything else. It wasn’t that I was afraid of meeting people, I’m not new to dating online, or dating in general, so what was it?

Then, it came to me….and not in a subtle way either. One day I just felt like yelling at my computer screen while on eHarmony:

” No eHarmony! I am not going to check my new matches today ok, no I’m not emailing that guy back, I’m not going out with that guy either…stop telling me what to do!”

Wow….there it was, just like that I went from an adult to a 5 year old throwing a tantrum, but I couldn’t fight it. I felt like I was being forced to date and all of a sudden, dating didn’t seem so fun anymore.

See, I relish my alone time… rolling around alone in my bed, not having to tell anyone at all where I am, where I’m going, or any of that. I don’t want to settle down..what does THAT mean anyway?? Why do I have to settle down??? YOU settle down!

I used to love the idea of online dating…you can learn so much about people, it’s like people watching..and I love people watching but, now it just feels like it’s forcing me to date… but that’s kind of the point right? Online dating is not for browsing.  People are going to want to meet you in person…which is fine but then, next thing you know they want to date you, then you want to spend the night at my house, did I invite you? No I didn’t…. and then your texting and calling me everyday asking me what I’m doing every 5 seconds and you know, I’m not even sure if I reaaaalllly like you, and then…well, you get the point.

So that’s it, I canceled my subscription and the date I had set up that very night. I text him apologizing but I was honest.  I said I really had no interest in dating online and he deserved  to meet with someone who was really excited to meet him.  He responded with, “No worries at all…just keep an open mind in the future though, it doesn’t matter how you meet Mr. Right, as long as you meet him”.  How cute, he thinks I’m a rookie at this online dating stuff.  I just replied with, “Thank you, I wish you the best.”

I think it may be best to stay off the dating websites, and maybe just not date period…. and after thinking about it for a while I came to the conclusion that maybe it’s my wonderful friends, my family, or the ambition to pursue my dreams, but I feel totally fulfilled. I don’t really feel like I’m missing anything…am I supposed to?

Sure there are times I want companionship, I like to be around men, feel the way they feel, I like affection. One thing I’m not feeling?…lonely.  I want to watch my own shows, I want to DVR what I want and not worry that you won’t like it.  I want to play what I want on my ipod and not worry you’ll talk about how it’s not good music according to you.

I love cuddling, love the idea of feeling safe with a guy taking care of you when you are sick..but when I’m well..not so much, because next thing you know you’ll be asking me for a spare toothbrush and a drawer…NOT.HAPPENING.

Is it selfish of me to say I want me time still??

I’m hoping I don’t get a bunch of comments like “It’ll happen when you aren’t looking” I don’t really believe that. I don’t know when it’s supposed to happen but I don’t see myself saying, “Yeah I totally wasn’t looking, and bam he just shows up!” …riiight. For now, I need more me time. I am not ready to share my space.  I am however, focused… on living my life to the fullest and that doesn’t include a man right now.  I thought I was ready, I guess I’m just not, and who knows when I will be, but I’m just too busy having fun in life to worry about when that’s going to happen.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to happily buy stock in “The Rabbit”.

Happy Dating!

14 comments for “Stop Telling Me What To Do!

  1. Just Saying
    May 23, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Awesome post!!!
    I’ve yelled at my computer a few times myself and alas am free of all online dating sites, and its bliss!

    Having done the online thing and consider myself a seasoned pro etc, I would never tell someone “it will happen when you’re not looking” cos that is just a crock of shit.

    Enjoy your time. 🙂

    • May 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm

      Thank you!! Glad you think it’s a crock of shit because it is! I have and will continue to enjoy my time. You as well:)

  2. Mini
    May 23, 2011 at 11:25 am

    I told my Dad I don’t like sharing my space and he replied with “You better get a really big house when you get married then”

    This is now my solution 🙂

    Sidenote: The Rabbit Rules

    • May 23, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      LOL Love it!! Your Dad has a point..you should have a big house with your own quarters so you can definitely have your space…and yeah…the rabbit rocks. Love that it does what it’s supposed to without talking back! haha

  3. Renee
    May 23, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    I love this write up you did. So many women are hung up with the notion that you NEED to have a man in your life in order to be happy. I wish they just knew what you know that you create your own happiness, not someone else. You keep rock’n it and staying true to yourself….cause that is why I LOVE you!!!

    • May 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      Thanks honey:) That is my one wish for women…that they find happiness within themselves instead of waiting for a man to bring that to them..next thing you know, years have passed and you’re still waiting for him instead of living your life. I think Men find it more attractive when you are doing your own thing and not so needy!

  4. May 23, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    You are smart to enjoy your life cuz you only get one shot to do it YOUR way!

    A friend once said to me, “Martha, you can’t expect to find someone when your OWN life isn’t settled yet- finish what you set out to do, then ENJOY what you’ve accomplished, only THEN will you be READY and WILLING to open up to a possibility of love and when it happens it’ll be off the f@cken charts!!!”

    That was 15 years ago. You met Antonio, it took me THAT long to crash into him, but girl….. it was a nice ride on the single train…. Don’t overlook this time… its completely YOURS!!! (*big hugs xoxo)

    • May 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm

      Girl, Have to say, I DO LOVE your story with Antonio, and believe he was worth the wait! You two are wonderful and I am sure you, as you said, enjoyed your single time. I will continue to enjoy mine…I’m in no rush. There are few friends in my life who I admire in life and the realm of relationships…you are definitely one of them. BIG HUGS BACK! xoxo, Thank you for the encouragement!

  5. May 26, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Amen, girl! I’m starting to think that my feelings of inadequacy are more “relative” to the throng of non-single friends I have around me than my own. Even when I myself think I’m living a fulfilling life, people around me don’t believe it, like I need a notary public to sign off on witnessing my happiness so my family and friends believe it. I especially hate all the unsolicited advice and words of comfort. Geesh, I’m fine people. Single doesn’t equal lonely and incomplete! Anyhoo, thanks!

    • May 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

      Wow!!! Thank you Anna!! I swear you’re in my head…those have been my thoughts. Love your point about needing a notary public to sign off on witnessing your happiness. I swear people just don’t believe it! It’s not our problem though….it’s theirs!

  6. Kevie
    May 29, 2011 at 8:51 am

    I totally agree people don’t show up when you least expect it. They show up when you are actively looking as I have found out. Though I will say the result may be unexpected of who you find. I’m a fan of the journey but can’t wait to find a “home” ya know.

  7. Miriam
    August 12, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I love this post! I’m feeling this right now! In the past year I went from a needy and freaked out single girl- to a stable, and happy single girl! It feels sooo good!
    No more dating websites. I took charge of my life and lo and behold life turns sweet! I also love and sometimes crave that male companionship, but like you said, self-love rules!
    thanks for the great post!
    I can wait around, and enjoy the ride!

    • August 12, 2011 at 10:19 am

      I love getting feedback like this…It makes me so happy to find other women who love themselves enough not to settle and enjoy the ride of LIFE! Cheers to you honey!

  8. Jassie01
    November 9, 2011 at 1:28 am

    Lovely post! Yes I definitely agree, I found it much more satisfying and blissful to go out with my friends or do anything else. 🙂 I think you just do it better that what you’ve done.
    Jassie01 recently posted..angry birds online

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