When You’re Not His Girlfriend

Ladies, let’s stop with the excuses shall we?  When a guy isn’t calling you his girlfriend, it’s because he doesn’t want you to be.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you but when you are there, fully committed, without him having to actually commit…..why would he?

If you find that you are not happy with where you are in the relationship because he’s not calling you his girlfriend…KEEP DATING OTHER PEOPLE.  Keep your options open.  Don’t stop your life for him, don’t change any of your previous commitments to be with him.  Keep dating. If a relationship is what you find you want, then date until you find a guy who will commit to you in that way. Speak up about what you want but after you do, don’t badger him about it.  Tell him once, that’s all you need, trust me.  Bringing it up more than once will kill any happiness you have in the relationship and if he’s not happy and the relationship is only getting worse because of all the badgering, why would he THEN commit? Not happening.

So how do you know when you should be boyfriend and girlfriend? That is up to you. One thing I will tell you? DON’T let your girlfriends decide that for you.  Most of the time your girlfriends give you advice when they have no business doing so.  They don’t mean to do it but their advice isn’t your life, not your situation so how do they know what’s best? Don’t let them decide that your relationship isn’t their version of a fairytale and therefore means it’s crap.  Most of the time, for the record, the shitty advice will come from girlfriends who don’t have, have never had, a long lasting relationship.

Don’t get me wrong. Guys do this too. Guys will sit around with guy friends and get shit about being in a relationship.  Sometimes a guy will get influenced by the amount of crap thrown his way, that it may in fact affect his decision on calling you his girlfriend…and how attractive is that if a guy doesn’t have the balls to make a decision on his own when it comes to his relationship? I know..soooo hot.

Don’t commit to a guy who’s not willing to commit to you, and DON’T sit around waiting for a guy to commit to you because he has “potential” to do so.  See your relationship for what it is and not what it could be.  I’m not saying to up and leave your technical “boyfriend” because things aren’t roses and rainbows, no relationship is. In fact, I almost worry about those relationships that start out with no issues…often times those burn out quicker than they even begin.  I am saying that if you aren’t happy about the progression or lack thereof, you need to take some sort of control and change it. Not change them, change you. Do what you need to do to be happy. Begging him to be your boyfriend won’t get him to be. Let him be a man and let him realize you’re a woman who should be locked down (in a good way) or someone else will.

So take a moment…to remember your worth, because although one guy may not see it, that’s not your problem, and there is one guy in your future who will.

You’re amazing,


10 comments for “When You’re Not His Girlfriend

  1. January 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Wisdom for all the women out there. This advice is dead on!!

  2. Raythar
    January 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    “In fact, I almost worry about those relationships that start out with no issues…often times those burn out quicker than they even begin.”

    99% of the time this will happen. Accepting someone without getting to know them completely (that’s with all the good AND bad) will only lead to disaster.

    Once again, a knock out post Lo.

    • January 22, 2012 at 7:49 pm

      Great point. I do think ultimately, we need to accept the good and the bad about a person but as long as the good outweighs the bad. The thing with that is that too often, girls will go in whole heartedly without, like you said, getting to know the person first. They want a relationship so bad, they miss all red flags, and then, again as you said, it ends in disaster

  3. Just Saying
    January 22, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Thank You. We need to be reminded about this from time to time.
    I just deleted a few phone numbers while reading this.

    • January 22, 2012 at 7:47 pm

      Thank you for reading. I know we all need a reminder…I, myself need a reminder sometimes. We get so focused on what could be, we forget to realize what is..or maybe we don’t want to actually realize what is because it’s easier. Reminders are great to snap us back to reality

  4. February 19, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    This is so dead on “Speak up about what you want but after you do, don’t badger him about it. Tell him once, that’s all you need, trust me. Bringing it up more than once will kill any happiness you have in the relationship”

    And the fact that this article completely coalesces with my general life mantra… “Life is what you can live with.” If you want him to be your man, ask for it and if it works great. If you don’t want him to be your man but want to enjoy your time together do it…don’t let your girlfriends pressure you into anything. You have a right to live how you want. So yeah…top notch 😉
    Something She Dated (@SSDated) recently posted..Optimistic Snowballs, Boys with No Balls and Disappointing Booty-Calls (Part Two)

  5. Scott
    March 28, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    VERY GOOD POST !! I don’t always agree with your assessment on certain issues (but why would I? We are two different people and too often men and women don’t see eye to eye). But this post is very well thought out. Men and women have different gauges on when a relationship has graduated to boyfriend/girlfriend stature. I completely agree with you … bring it up but don’t badger him. He’s either there or he isn’t but keep dating if he isn’t because I can almost guarantee he is. THANK you for reminding women to take their friends advice with a grain of salt. Too often people let their friends dictate their actions in a relationship.

    I personally feel (and this is just my opinion) men don’t allow their buds to dictate their actions as much because men from the days of them being little boys use attacks to just fuck with each other and we’ve learned to put very little value to a buddies comments. Just the truth … men don’t give real advice to each other very often and when they do … it’s often overlooked as a sarcastic response (men are horrible at communicating … but I’m sure you know that … too often our conversations turn into sarcastic one liners).

    I will say this ladies … if you got a man who continually wants to introduce you to his friends and isn’t afraid to call you his girlfriend … he is REALLY into you. Men don’t take time to introduce you to all their friends when they aren’t expecting you to be around very long. One exception … and I’m just being honest here … is if he sees you as a “trophy” … then watch out because he’ll be trying to “show you off” as quickly and as frequently as possible. But in that instance you’ll notice other tell-tale signs … such as not really wanting to have intimate together time (which doesn’t include sex). If the only time you are out it’s with his friends and the only time you are alone is during sex … WATCH OUT.

    I always say … there are good men out there and hopefully you’ll meet them one day … but there are just as many (maybe more) who give us all a bad name.

    But I love this post … again very well thought out …

  6. Jessie
    March 28, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Great site and great post from Scott! I completely agree with all his comments and I actually like (for once) to read a girl’s blog that says and knows what and guys think:) Plse keep up the good work and blog more often:) j x

  7. Annie
    April 25, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Much to my sadness… my last significant other didn’t love me nor did I apparently have girlfriend status. This is so embarassing. I want to think the best of him… and apparently have not thought the best of me. Live and learn.
    Annie recently posted..Limundo

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