If you find that you are not happy with where you are in the relationship because he’s not calling you his girlfriend…KEEP DATING OTHER PEOPLE.  Keep your options open.  Don’t stop your life for him, don’t change any of your previous commitments to be with him.  Keep dating. If a relationship is what you find you want, then date until you find a guy who will commit to you in that way. Speak up about what you want but after you do, don’t badger him about it.  Tell him once, that’s all you need, trust me.  Bringing it up more than once will kill any happiness you have in the relationship and if he’s not happy and the relationship is only getting worse because of all the badgering, why would he THEN commit? Not happening.

So how do you know when you should be boyfriend and girlfriend? That is up to you. One thing I will tell you? DON’T let your girlfriends decide that for you.  Most of the time your girlfriends give you advice when they have no business doing so.  They don’t mean to do it but their advice isn’t your life, not your situation so how do they know what’s best? Don’t let them decide that your relationship isn’t their version of a fairytale and therefore means it’s crap.  Most of the time, for the record, the shitty advice will come from girlfriends who don’t have, have never had, a long lasting relationship.

Don’t get me wrong. Guys do this too. Guys will sit around with guy friends and get shit about being in a relationship.  Sometimes a guy will get influenced by the amount of crap thrown his way, that it may in fact affect his decision on calling you his girlfriend…and how attractive is that if a guy doesn’t have the balls to make a decision on his own when it comes to his relationship? I know..soooo hot.

Don’t commit to a guy who’s not willing to commit to you, and DON’T sit around waiting for a guy to commit to you because he has “potential” to do so.  See your relationship for what it is and not what it could be.  I’m not saying to up and leave your technical “boyfriend” because things aren’t roses and rainbows, no relationship is. In fact, I almost worry about those relationships that start out with no issues…often times those burn out quicker than they even begin.  I am saying that if you aren’t happy about the progression or lack thereof, you need to take some sort of control and change it. Not change them, change you. Do what you need to do to be happy. Begging him to be your boyfriend won’t get him to be. Let him be a man and let him realize you’re a woman who should be locked down (in a good way) or someone else will.

So take a moment…to remember your worth, because although one guy may not see it, that’s not your problem, and there is one guy in your future who will.

You’re amazing,

-Lo

Ouch Elliot…

The concept of not calling and verbally communicating is very foreign to me, and I have to say, I’m slightly offended that I’ve realized that guys these days will text you all day but they are not really interested in actually having a real conversation with you.  I’m finding that people actually have full on relationships without ever speaking to each other on the phone, and why would you, with a press of a few buttons on your smart phone, you can ask questions and even with an add of the exclamation point, you can tell someone how you feel and they are just supposed to understand…right?

Do these extraterrestrials know something I don’t?? Or is it just laziness??

Would the E.T. of today text to “Phone Home?”

Maybe I’m the alien…

In the 4th grade I had a boyfriend. I know he was my boyfriend because he passed a note to a friend, to another friend, who then passed the note to another friend, then to me. The note asked me to be his girlfriend and I replied yes….The day after that, I never spoke to him. We never even looked each other in the face! He would just pass me, and I would pass him but, no words. Come to think of it, we never broke up!

As an adult I laugh at that now, but with all of this technology, maybe I’m not too far off. Maybe these are the types of relationships we are all headed toward.  Think about it, there was the invention of the telephone, now it seems we are moving away from it. To me, that seems a bit backward.  Alexander Graham Bell has probably turned in his grave….several times.  Here was a man creating an avenue to try and connect us, and here we are trying to do everything BUT connect.

I am not a phone person. My friends know this. I will zone out on you in 2.5 seconds if you don’t get to the point. I am however a person who needs communication every once in a while to feel close to someone.

I think most people need that. When you can’t be with the special people in your life everyday, the heart isn’t quite as satisfied with a text as it is with the sound of their voice. A “I just wanted to hear your voice” travels much further with the heart than a text.

And don’t get me started on phone sex…you think it’s better to read their “ooooh yeah” instead of hearing it?? It will take you forever to type all those extra o’s! Let’s not forget autocorrect. Every time I try to type “cock” my damn iPhone wants to autocorrect it to “xoxo”…that’s hot. How can you ever get off like that?! Pick up the phone and do it right!

This whole “I’ll text but not call” when it comes to dating gets me thinking…not even about how much I may or may not want to hear from a guy but makes me think….he may not want to hear from ME.  Well, that’s just silly isn’t it?..ISN’T IT?!

I may sound like an 80 year old woman but I just don’t know how these kids do it these days.  What I do know, is that without communication, I won’t move forward with a guy. Women fall in love in between their ears, not by texting or sexting.

At the end of the day, all I want is something real, and something fucking normal.

Alright, sidebar….I get it, I’m not normal either…. I can be a total girl, but can turn right around and act like a guy. I can be emotional, yet, turn around and turn it right off.  So is it wrong for me to want something normal when I’m not that?  Well folks, here  is one of my (many) flaws…. my ability to disconnect. I may be thinking of you (girly), but if  I don’t talk to you often…I can then NOT think about you just as easily (not so girly).  I must connect, and stay connected in order to form a relationship with someone…that includes conversation (girl again), or I’ll just direct my attention elsewhere.

So what’s an earthly girl to do? Are these guys who text but don’t call some superior life form that I should study and marvel at as they teach me the ways of the future?

I don’t know about you, but if this is the future of dating….where people are focused on staying disconnected and not trying to connect with each other whether in fear of rejection once connecting, or just so they can avoid commitment all together, I don’t think I want any part of it.  Even E.T. DIED from lack of connection with his loved ones…he.fucking.died people! Only after Elliot showed him love and connected with him was he magically resurrected.

See?!

Stop being lazy, pick up the phone, CONNECT!

Happy Dating!

Those may not be the exact words but the idea is well known….too well known. Sex without any discussion of exclusivity, or really, sex without much thought at all.

I was speaking with a friend the other day about this topic and how we’ve heard guys request to “take it slow” (are you serious?), and are sometimes even offended that that you would even ask about exclusivity…even hearing responses like: “I take relationships seriously and don’t want to jump in so quickly with someone I feel I don’t know that well yet.” What a joke!

Oh yeah, they may be timid and thinking the idea of a relationship is “too much” to commit to, but they will, almost without a flinch or 2nd thought, have sex with you.

So,since when is the topic of exclusivity taboo to ask about but sex is not? This is sad.

What’s more sad is that too many women are so afraid to speak up that they just go along with it.

Time for a little schooling ladies:

Stop being afraid to voice what you want.  You cannot let him take control over that part of you.  Sadly, most women would have responded with :” That’s fine” and slept with him anyway, knowing that it it’s not fine at all. Why does he get to dictate how your relationship or pseudo relationship is going to go?? Are you afraid of looking like that needy ball and chain type girl? Who cares? If that’s not who you are, why are you so worried about it?

“What happens if I say something and he decides to not stick around?”

Listen, if he leaves after you tell him what you want, that’s HIS problem, not YOURS. Trust me, there are too many men out there and you will find one that will respect you and care enough about you to value what you want and if you want to wait for monogamy before being intimate, that’s ok.

“What if I don’t know what I want yet?”

Take this as a fair warning…sex will simply complicate things. You will (most of you) want a relationship after you start sleeping with him. Your vagina decides for you…so there. If you’re not ready to attach, don’t sleep with him.

You need to find someone that is in your space, not step down to his.

Reading the article: 7 Lessons in Manliness a friend posted, it’s so interesting to see how times have changed. The vague: “Lets hang out” instead of being a man and being serious about pursuing a woman. The following is like gold.  Lesson #4, is my favorite:

This was a time where there was no hanging out or “hooking up.” Men asked women on real dates, and had serious intentions in doing so. When a particular gal caught a man’s heart, he proposed, and they got hitched. And they were married for the next 60 years.

I don’t know what happened to the men of this generation, it’s thankfully not all men but some anyway. Guys aren’t asking women out on real dates…they just want to “hang out” …and sleep with you…but be exclusive? That’s taking it too far. Oh and by the way, it’s not that he doesn’t want to be exclusive, he just doesn’t want that with you. You are occupying his time until he finds a shiny new object to play with. So even though it’s not all guys who are like this, there are TOO many that are. A relieving fact about this is, that’s not up to you to sit and worry about it.  It’s only up to you stop making excuses for why that is OK.

I am not a believer in saving it for marriage but I am a believer in valuing yourself enough to be a woman and stop letting this cop out behavior continue.

It all comes down to the fear of him walking away. Stop being chicken shit, let him go! You are worth more than that, it’s time you start believing it. It’s time you start to value your vag!

So repeat after me:

I am a wonderful woman.

I value my femininity, I value all parts of my body and mind.

I am worthy of a man respecting me enough to wait until I am comfortable with giving him that part of me.

I am worthy of a man wanting to commit to me and only me when I’m ready.

Sex is more than a handshake.

I am FUCKING awesome.

…and you are.

Happy Dating:)

My palms started to sweat…my heart started racing, I felt flush….

I started to think more about this theory of actually being open to a relationship with someone and all of a sudden, I didn’t feel so good….

Now, I’m not talking about really getting the runs…because for the record, women don’t do that…we don’t poop,or burp, or fart…

Has that ever happened to you? Has the thought of a relationship ever sent you running, not just from it but maybe running to the nearest bathroom??

I think it’s more typical for people to think of the term “relationshit” as their once good relationship turns bad but what about feeling sick BEFORE you even get to the relationship part?? The more I thought about it..the more nervous I started to feel, and slightly nauseous …because I started to get flashbacks of my one long relationship, and thought, if I was open to entering one now with someone new, would it be the same?

These are my confessions.

I consider myself a very courageous person but I believe, courage is the direct result of facing a fear in the first place.

It’s been YEARS since I’ve been in a relationship. I am truly selective about who I spend my time with and my next boyfriend will be someone I’ve considered marrying down the road..that’s how serious I take the “boyfriend/girlfriend” title.

In getting to know the guy I’ve been on several dates with, the conversation I was trying to avoid surfaced… “When was your last relationship?”

I thought about not asking at all. I mean, who really wants to know, even though I was slightly curious. When it came up, all the scenarios started to pop up in my head: “I am divorced, never had a serious relationship, I have 3 children from 3 different baby moms”

Then he said it… “I was in a relationship for about 10 years, that ended a few years ago” Holy shit. I didn’t know what to think, I mean, that was me…my situation. I was with someone for about that long. About that time ago.

I was all of a sudden brought back to my major relationship. I, for so long had been the girl who was with someone for years. No one I have dated, has had any situation like that. So I was left wondering, was he in the space I was? Was he feeling nervous at all about dating leading to a relationship? I thought he had to be because no one comes out of a long term relationship like we both had, without being changed by it….

When I fell in love at 19, it was easy. I was his first girlfriend, there was no one else before me. Interesting that as we get older, it’s not always so easy. I guess it’s only the natural progression of life, that people will have had other relationships at our age, and would now probably be a red flag if at this point they hadn’t.

We have a lot in common but I didn’t expect the length of our past major relationship to be one of them. I didn’t ask but I wondered. I wondered if he had experienced any of the things I did during my relationship and did he ever feel like running from new relationships?

Had he lost himself in his relationship like I did mine??

Losing myself happened rather quickly. I got so caught up in his world that I forget who I even was…well, let’s face it, at 19 I didn’t know who I was but instead of trying to create myself, I tried to create what he wanted… which in the end I never did a good job of anyway…must have been the inner rebel in me.

Had he lost passion in his relationship like I had in mine?

My ex and I became more like roommates than lovers. We never went out on dates once we got comfortable. I am NOT comfortable with comfortable! I want to keep things fresh in sexy even years from now. That ties into romance. I NEED that. My ex and I didn’t have that.

I’m not really afraid of monogamy, I’m afraid of monotony! I’m afraid, as I see so many couples, as it happened to me, that the “dating” part stops. Next thing you know every single weekend is spent in your pajamas, your skin begins to turn pale from getting no sun, and you possibly most definitely allow yourself to get FAT! That didn’t just happen to me right?…RIGHT?! This shouldn’t happen…but don’t lie, you’ve seen it, and maybe you’ve experienced it, without even knowing it’s happening. These fears have actually sent me running in the other direction at times because I feel since that one major relationship, I have been happier alone.

In speaking of my one long term relationship, I want to make it clear that my ex was not a bad person. He was a kind and caring person. It just takes so many different people to make up this world and what I needed may not be what someone else needs and that’s why people break up and those same people work better with others.

Because I spent years being so involved in his world, I feel these last few years, I have been making up for lost time. Going on adventures he would have never taken me on, and just being happy in ways I couldn’t be with him. The idea of losing that freedom again, scares me to death because so many times you fall in love and not even know what happened…to you.

I was left wondering if any of those scenarios had happened to this new guy when he was in his long term relationship.

Falling in love does not scare me. Falling out of love does….Being with the wrong person does. I have this reoccurring dream that I am being forced to get married. I don’t even know the guy and my parents and family are literally pushing me down the isle toward him. I am yelling “I don’t love him, I don’t even know him!” and all they keep saying is “It will be fine, it’s OK, you’ll be OK.”…oh and every single time…I’m in some HORRIFIC 70′S wedding dress. YUK! I always wake up with my heart racing.

Whenever I think about relationships, my thoughts seem to revert back to how much I love myself and how well I treat myself and how I don’t want to enter into a relationship for all that to stop.

Even in over-analyzing for the sake of this blog and thinking about relationships…it’s not just about what he will give to me, I want to make sure I am wonderful to that guy as well. Guys seem so much easier but I want to make sure I give him everything he wants and needs. I’m hoping that’s just food and sex right?

It all turns my stomach into knots. Committing isn’t the issue, it’s who I become after I do. How do I find the balance? How do I remain aware of how to keep “me” as a priority? I know I eventually want to face this simply because the feeling of being in love was wonderful despite the ending of that one huge relationship. I know I can have that feeling again, better even. I guess the only thing I can do is be who I would want to be with in a relationship. Give him everything and hope he wants to do the same with me, not punish him for my past, or judge him for his, and only focus on treating each other well. The biggest obstacle for me is getting to the actual relationship part…which I will in due time…and will possibly buy enough Pepto-Bismol to deal with the side effects of the journey in the meantime.

Happy Dating!

-LoLo

OK, here it goes…I.have.a crush.

Alright, now…stop freaking out.

How did this guy get past date #1?? Rare indeed. I still can’t figure it out. I can’t pinpoint what exactly I like about him.  All I know is that it’s enough to have accepted a 2nd and 3rd date with him….I don’t get it. I don’t think I would have ever picked this guy out of a crowd and to be honest, he may not have picked me out either.

I can tell you this much…this guy is just himself. He is witty and comfortable around other people. I find that extremely attractive. He is sweet, thoughtful, and romantic. He likes animals, loves veg days, is not afraid to act silly, likes smiling, and is super easy going.

We met by chance as I was celebrating a friend’s birthday on a boat and was introduced to him by another friend. We started talking and at the end of the boat ride, had asked me out.

My first instinct was to just say “No.” Because I have not been in that space. I have have been unavailable, M.I.A., gone A.W.O.L., you get it. I didn’t want anything to do with it. What can I say? I have gotten beyond used to being single, have been a truly happy single person and haven’t really felt the need to share my time or space with anyone because I haven’t gotten lonely or have felt that love was lacking in my life. Why would I? I have a lot of love around me, and when it comes to romance, I take myself on amazing dates and have some of the most romantic and fun evenings! So, I don’t know what came over me but I said “yes” instead..and I have to confess, I’m glad I did.

On our first date, he took me to Malibu. A winery to start. What a beautiful place. Twinkling white lights, and a woman singing Ray LaMontagne songs…oh and wine…oh yeah, mama was happy. We had great conversation, laughed, and I was immediately comfortable with him…and it wasn’t because of the wine. After wine, he took me to dinner at Moonshadows in Malibu. Great ambiance and the food, to die for. He had put thought into this date and I appreciated that….and for once in a long time, I was enjoying the company of my date and didn’t need the atmosphere around us to distract me from it.

Being that he had been a complete gentleman from the beginning, I was impressed but not surprised that after dinner, he brought me straight home and didn’t ask to come up, didn’t ask me to go to his place or anything. He simply asked to see me again and I of course, said yes. He gave me a sweet kiss goodnight and I went upstairs…

We have been out several times since then and I have to admit, I am enjoying his company completely.

Weird I know. It’s like I’m acting like a girl all of a sudden..(WHAT.THE.EFFF?!)I care what he thinks, and though this may all end tomorrow, I’ve enjoyed spending time with him.

OK. I need you all to stop gasping now….because I can hear you. Oh wait, that’s me because I’m still in shock that I like someone.

You all have gotten to know me enough through my blog and in person to know that not much impresses me…so to have a crush on someone might make you think your favorite “Captain of the Singles” gal (yes, I’ve been called that, I even have a Captains hat!),just might have thought further into..dare I say, an actual relationship with someone?! What is the world coming to? Relax, let’s not all panic just yet…I still have my Captains hat and am free to wear it anytime!

I am not saying that I  would be in a relationship with him in particular but have thought now, about being open to a relationship with someone…which is not something I thought myself to be anytime soon. My recent blog posts are there to prove it but I didn’t expect to meet someone that I would enjoy the company of more than my own.  I also didn’t want to date because T is going through what she’s going through, I didn’t want to put myself in a position to make her feel alone. Funny enough, my dear friend wants me to find love. She’s always talking about how much I deserve it. I never entertain it. I just usually, laugh it off.

I had a plan, or no plan I guess. I am in a “vacation job” which I thought didn’t look very impressive and thought I would begin dating once T was all done with her treatment and I had a great job again but I’m finding, oddly enough, people like me just the same. I was sure I didn’t have much to give to anyone…but this has opened my eyes and makes me want to give and make someone else happy besides myself.

Interesting how just having a crush on someone can make you think about your present and future… which isn’t like me at all but alas my dear readers, You will find that I am human and hate to break this to you but I am in fact, a girl:)

So am I ready to jump the “Singles Ship” and become Captain of the “Relation Ship?” (padum bum);)

Just might test the waters;)

In war, there is typically a victor but when it comes to the battle of sexes, is there? I was in deep thought the other day realizing how far we have come as women, and yet in certain areas, we are still not equal, and still have yet to be victorious. When it comes to equality with the sexes, particularly in sex, do we raise the white flag or continue to battle?

The Women’s Movement

It’s pretty simple, we’ve managed to make our mark in society. We run businesses, we run for office, have fought for equal pay… in short, our proverbial dicks in many aspects have become bigger than a lot of men’s.

So why when it comes to the area of sex why is there still a double standard?

This, along with other topics in the dating world can often stir up serious controversy and at the end of what can even become a shouting match,the only real end to this debate may be to agree to disagree.

I honestly think the fight to be equal in that sense may be futile, and for more than one reason.

A guy sleeps around he’s a player, a girl sleeps around, she’s a ho.

Ahhh this dreaded double standard.

I don’t think a woman should be judged for sleeping around but this is such a complex issue because there are many variables.  For one, because woman are so complex, when it comes to what we will accept and then expect, there often times is no real compromise, thus setting the Women’s Movement…way back.

It’s tricky because we want to be able to sleep around and still be treated like ladies. I don’t see anything wrong with that..but how realistic is this?

It seems as time has passed, women have become less traditional, yet expecting men to remain traditional, oh but only in certain areas, and they need to know what those areas are right?

Wrong. Why is that ok? I believe in this area, we should just let the sexes be. In a world where we want gentlemen to remain gentlemanly, is it wrong to skew the perception of what a lady is to a man?  We, as women, have worked so hard to be equal in society, yet we still want certain things from a man. Do we honestly have the right to draw a line on our progression? Do we have the right to put pressure on men and have them have to know where we want to be independent and where we don’t?

Granted, there are no “rules” and what is acceptable to one may not be acceptable to another. I know it depends on the individual.  As an example there are men out there that are ok with women that have been around the block a few times. It comes down to not judging their past.

My point is that we do not have the right to impose such standards on men. We believe if the guy asks us out, he should pay, he should be chivalrous, and well, a gentleman and then expect them, then, not to turn around and have certain expectations of us? No, not fair.

So if we could get past what is expected or not expected of us, and be what men would like ladies to be (whatever that version is)…do we we finally win the battle? No, because there is a much bigger enemy out there, and ladies, that enemy, is much closer to you than you think…..

“Slut! Ho bag! Bitch!”

And let’s not forget the ever so endearing “C U NEXT TUESDAY”.  All simple yet effective words…kind of like a handshake. Saying that to a girl or doing what many women do and saying it ABOUT a girl gets your point across.  We all, myself included, in the midst of anger, have been guilty of taking that cheap shot by calling another female a name or seven two.

Ladies, when it comes to the battle of the sexes, I hate to break it to you, but WE may just be our own worst enemy….. We may in fact be the reason there are still double standards!

Why? Because we have TWO things working against us. Men pitting women against each other and wait for it…WOMEN PITTING WOMEN AGAINST EACH OTHER! *Gasp* I know hard to believe but it’s true.

Truth be told, men don’t gossip like we do. Therefore, a man will not spend hours discussing some guy he knows who banged everyone in town. Girls on the other hand well….

A man doesn’t have to work half as hard to get a girl talked about, because we are too busy doing it to each other.

Ladies, I don’t know about you but I don’t like being called a bitch or hearing that we “cat fight.” So annoying.

Stop.This.Now—>

Seriously…

We make it too easy for men. We spend our time putting down other women when our sole focus should be lifting eachother up!

Instead, we can fill our days with tearing each other down with our jealousy over the guy she stole, or how many guys she’s been with, or…just anything. Seems girls will find ANY reason to talk and a lot of  the time, it’s not good….

All the name calling and “cattiness” a lot of times comes back to sex, and when it comes to double standards, we may be the ultimate demise to our progression in this area.

Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes.  There’s just too much fraternizing with the enemy.  ~Henry Kissinger

Exactly ladies, we get so caught up with the other sex that we don’t always see what we are doing to our own.

If we are to make real progress in this area of the battle with  the sexes and the double standard start with YOURSELF. Treasure yourself. I don’t see the name calling and finger pointing to stop anytime soon but it can stop with you. People may talk about you but try not talking negatively about other women.  Spend less time gossiping about your idea of the “town tramp” and focus on lifting other women up! We have to realize that even though the pressure to be great and be ladies is a lot, it’s because we SHOULD be held to higher standards. Men may expect more from us as ladies because we are, simply put, the superior being;)

In case you aren’t sure why we are the superior being, it’s because we have something men don’t…vaginas. Fabulous vaginas, and with that, as I always say, we can rule the world.

So will the battle of the sexes ever really be won? Will there ever be a time where there are no double standards? Sadly just like the question: ”How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?” The world may never know.

Why was I breaking up with a guy I only went out with twice? Because he was already naming our children and I needed to put a stop to it.  I called him and went into it immediately…

“I know I told you where I was at in the beginning but I just wanted to be up front with you again because I know you are making all these plans and I don’t want to lead you on. I had a great couple of dates with you but I don’t think I should be dating, it’ s not really a priority and I don’t want to be a girl using you for company, dinners, or anything. I hope you understand.”

He immediately responded with: “No, I don’t understand. Why don’t you want to date me?! Explain this to me.”

Whoa buddy, what the hell? It took everything in me not to laugh at that…and that would have been the most he’s made me laugh.

I proceeded to explain. Not much though. Just enough to get him to understand I wasn’t interested.  After breaking it down, I thought for sure he had it now…

“I had a great time with you, but I wouldn’t think much of it afterwards. That should say something about our connection, or lack there of, and a lot about where I am right now. I don’t want to be the rude girl who blows you off, so I am being up front now.”

Nope, he didn’t get it.

“Why couldn’t you make an exception for me?…That doesn’t make sense.”

Oh you bet I was done explaining myself at this point….

“Listen, I am not explaining myself to you, or anyone else ok? I am calling to thank you for being nice to me but I am also calling to let you know this won’t be going any further.”

He stayed quiet for a bit and then said ” Well enjoy getting acclimated here in LA…take care, bye.”

Damn. All that nagging and drama and I didn’t even get any sex out of it. What a waste. I should be given a fucking medal of  AWESOME for this one.

Approximately 8 days earlier…..

His follow through was amazing. He called the day after we met to set up a date which ended up being a few days later.

I met him at the restaurant. I walked in, he greeted me with a smile and a tight hug…my favorite thing. I always say I love tight hugs because it means that person means it.

He was a gentleman, well put together, pulled my chair out when I sat down, and even shared his food. I love that.

I never understand people who don’t share food. Why are you so stingy?? Life is about great experiences and that includes great food, so fork over a bite shiiiit!

A good half hour of small talk then he asked why I’m single: “What’s your situation?” “My situation?” “Yeah, like why are you single, when was your last relationship?” I responded but that is so not first date conversation. I sure didn’t ask him about his past. When you do that, you leave yourself open to possible judgement simply because someone doesn’t know you well enough. I always say conversation needs to be light and fun on a 1st date.

After I told him my priority was not dating, he said he understood and would respect that but he said he was going to take every opportunity possible to spend time with me.

A delicious dinner, a few cocktails, and he walked me home.I let him walk me to the front door of my building. He leaned in and kissed me…and he was a good kisser.

I looked at that night as nothing more than a nice evening with a nice guy. Simple enough.

He text that night asking if I wanted to go out again soon, and I said: “Sure” ….

ROUND 2

This is where I got in trouble… and where I thought what I said about dating not being a priority wasn’t as understood as he said it was, and not as simple as I thought it was.

A week or so passed and as we had left the conversation he had told me to let him know when I was free. Ok, so that was over a week but I didn’t think anything of it. I text him and he asked me out.

When he picked me up, he immediately said “Wow, 8 days?” (but who’s counting right?Jeez!) “I guess I didn’t make that good of an impression on you? What didn’t you like about our date?” Uh oh here we go….

He proceeded to give me a hard time for not getting in touch with him sooner.  I believe I may have started zoning out in a daydream as he started lecturing but can’t remember for sure…I didn’t have an explanation for him as to why I didn’t get back to him quickly enough but instead of responding with that first brash response that popped into my head in the beginning, I simply smiled, apologized, and said “I’m here now aren’t I?”

He was never totally serious, but there was seriousness behind that. I definitely don’t want to be inconsiderate of someone’s feelings but here’s the thing….I don’t want to have to explain my life to you.  I don’t on a second date want to have to explain why I didn’t text you immediately or why it took me so long to go out with you again. I don’t even want to have to explain myself to my girlfriends, why do I need to, to you?

After he gave me a bit of the 3rd degree, we were fine and headed out to a wonderful dinner.

While at dinner he eluded to the fact that we were going to progress.  He kept speaking of the future and how if I didn’t make him wait another 8 days, there were a lot of things he could show me since I was new to L.A. I didn’t argue, I just laughed.

He brought me home, walked me to my door again, he kissed me, and again I didn’t feel anything but didn’t think much of it. This is kind of where I wanted to be, he’d treat me on a night out, I’d treat him on a night out, a kiss here and there, simple enough right? No one is using each other. Just some good company, and aside from the 3rd degree, we’d be cool!

He kept asking questions though..I didn’t want to go there in my mind, I didn’t want to have to think of the future. I wasn’t looking for something wrong with him but with him making all of these plans for us, and me not jumping up and down at the thought of going out with him again, I had no choice but to stop and think, and I just knew that if I was going to be investing romantic time with a guy, he’d have to have this “thing”, and unfortunately this guy did not have it. That “thing” includes being funny, and let me tell you, this guy was not that.

So sorry guy, do no pass go, do not collect $200. See, there is a “we” I picture when I think of my future, but that guy is funny…granted he’s faceless right now, but that guy is hilarious!

You can be hot, but if you don’t make me laugh, you most definitely will not keep my attention, I don’t care who you are.

I thought I would have some time before he’d want to go out again…wrong. A day later he asks: “I was thinking X-men tonight, then we head out to Vegas tomorrow.”

What?? Seriously, this guy was not going to waste any time,and wow, did he see a connection I didn’t? He wants to spend a few days with me? I was flattered, it was nice that someone wanted to spend that kind of time with me, but I already knew my answer to that question.

Out of sheer curiosity I posted to see what others thought : “Someone of the opposite sex invites you on an impromptu trip to Vegas. You don’t really know this person. Go or stay? Discuss….”

Here were some responses: 

I was surprised some of the girls said to go. Most guys said there would be expectations if I did.

I didn’t go, and I knew I wasn’t going as soon as he asked the question. ..I knew going to Vegas came with expectations. I knew he wasn’t asking so we could go there and then attend church. I was never in fear for my safety, I just wasn’t that into him, and if I didn’t want to sleep with him sober, I shouldn’t be going. I realize I could have been drunk all weekend and told him” Im reaaaadddy to paaaarrrtyyyy ” and just stayed in a haze all weekend, but for what? To say I got a free trip to Vegas? No Thanks.

I’ve done this before, tried to make something happen out of nothing just because he was a nice guy and it turned into a fucking  disaster !!! I wasn’t going to do that to him, or myself.

I don’t care if it was 2 nights or a week. I knew what he’d try…He was already showing that. While on our second date, he proceeds to hold my hand to say grace but later on attempted to have his hands all over my ass. Now, I’m not a religious person but something about seemed like a total contradiction and his saying grace didn’t seem genuine, kind of like the guy who masturbates then repents. If I went, it would give him the wrong impression and I’d have no one to blame but myself.

I had to re-read and think about what I had said in that previous post about Paris….I had said I wasn’t going to do this anymore, but here I was doing it again. It’s not about the destination, not about how many times a guy offers you a trip,or free….anything. It’s about who you are with. I need a happy guy, a guy who is engaging, and when he smiles, people know he’s happy, and that is not something you can fake.

Now, I need to call him, thank him for being nice to me, and let him know that it won’t be going any further. I wish I didn’t have to but he is already asking too many questions for it being so early. I certainly don’t want to lead him on.  He was a nice guy, but just because he was all these great things doesn’t mean he’s the “one”, and from his actions, he doesn’t just want to be some nice guy to have fun with every once in a while.

When a guy is something special to me, trust me my friends, you’ll know it. Until then, not every guy I meet is worth talking about, worth gushing over, worth figuring out “what it all means”.  In the meantime, a relationship is NOT  a priority. Right now, my focus is taking care of my friend as she’s on this long road to recovery from breast cancer, and focusing on what I’m going to ultimately be doing here in LA. If on occasion I do go on a date, I am not going to give out every single detail about my life to him or anyone else til I’m good and ready to do that.

Why in the hell is that so hard for people to understand?

I know it would have been a great story. He stops in the street to approach me, we go out, fall in love, all like a fairy tale. But this is real life and in my version of a fairy tale my guy has to have that “it” thing…and when he has it, I’ll just know.

I mean, who would stop his car in the middle of the street because he wanted to ask me for my number? A guy with huge balls…figuratively of course.

On a Thursday afternoon, my best friend and I were walking to catch dinner and drinks with friends. I, oblivious, didn’t notice a guy staring at me as he drove past us.  My friend did though…and then he stopped his car in the street, got out, and approached me…

I was taken aback. I had to stop for a second to really think about what was happening, especially when people driving by started to rubber neck like silly people do when there is an accident. This was no accident…although his car was in the street.

He then very apologetically said : ”I’m sorry to be so abrupt, I never do this but I just had to ask you if I could speak with you, I just would like the opportunity to get to know you if that’s ok?” He gave me his card but it seemed like he wasn’t going to leave that to chance and then asked for mine: “May I have your number?  I’d like to give you a call.”

I have to say, I was impressed. That was pretty bold of him to do that…Have to say I was flattered as well. That had never happened to me before.  It seems both sexes can be pretty lazy when it comes to dating these days and often times, life in general, so when this happened, I was a little slow in response to anything he said because I was a little confused.  Not that I don’t think I’m attractive, it had just never happened to me, or anyone I know.

He really left me no room not to give him my number.   As a security guard came up to him and said “Can you move this to the side please?!”….I gave him my number.  He wasn’t creepy, he was well spoken, and well put together…and I kind of wanted to get him back in his car and off the street.

He didn’t catch my eye as far as looks go, but rarely does a guy catch my eye. I always say good looking people are a dime a dozen, so even if he was or wasn’t my version of what attractive is…doesn’t mean I would have noticed him on looks alone.

He called a short while later to introduce himself again, wished me a good evening, and said he’d call tomorrow.

THIS is what I’m talking about! That’s how it’s done!!  I appreciated that he approached me and wasn’t creepy about it.

I will forever give praise and thanks to the men out there who are bold and don’t leave things to chance.

Yes, but now what? I JUST announced to the world (or just you) that I didn’t want to date. ..but honestly, I have to go out with him..if anything just to thank him for giving me such a compliment. I spend most of my time figuring out how to woo myself, and make myself feel beautiful so when someone else does it, I almost don’t know how to process that…almost.  I am not going out with him because all of a sudden “He’s the one.” I just want to go out with him to say, “Thank you”..maybe bake him a cake

LAZINESS is such a turn off for me.  A man, who speaks up, and maybe not in these exact words but says “I want you” and shows it…is something VERY difficult to ignore.  Much more refreshing than having to go back and forth with stupid games because people have too much ego.

So boys…TAKE NOTE!! Don’t let what you want get away from you…as a reminder though: DON’T BE CREEPY!

I’ve said this time and time again. When you want something, you go for it. Don’t ask a girl to “Hang out” because you are too afraid of rejection. “Hang out” can be a gray area for some girls but not for me, let me tell you, if a guy ever says “Let’s hang out”, I will NEVER consider that a date. It’s not my fault you are too chicken shit to state what you want.

If you want to know if a girl likes you, without all the stupid run around, head games, ASK HER OUT. Say it “I would like to take you out on a date.” Guys use “hang out” as a rejection buffer so if you don’t like them they can just say “It’s cool, we just hung out, it wasn’t a date or anything.” So lame.

If you want to be respected like a man, act like one. Go after what you want and make it known to her, or the only place you’ll be hanging out is the Friends Zone.

Happy Dating!

A few years ago while on vacation, my back suddenly went out. I had no idea what caused it but I went to the local chiropractor. After he adjusted me, he gave me a little massage, and when massaging my arms and hands asked : “Do you play tennis?..Because in massaging your right arm..it seems you may have ‘Tennis Elbow’.”

I could feel myself starting to blush. My first and most honest thought was: “Oh God, it’s because I masturbate too much.”

I almost blurted it out without thinking but then caught myself and responded with ” No, I don’t play tennis, I am right handed though so umm, I mean, I use my right hand for writing and…..stuff.”  Oh well, I was in a foreign country what did he care? Or what did I care for that matter? I didn’t really, just never been in a situation where I thought I might have to explain what I use my right hand for…  I still giggle when I think about that.

Every single guy I know masturbates.  I’ve heard there are women out there who don’t.  They are probably quite uptight and rigid…It’s just not healthy if you ask me.  I understand if you are in a relationship and don’t masturbate……Ok, I’m lying, no I don’t. I believe in a relationship you should still as well.

Answer to the Problems of Our Nation? Masturbation

It’s relatively simple. The act of sex, masturbation included of course, is the ultimate stress reliever.

Depressed? Masturbate. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Having a GREAT day already? Masturbate to celebrate.

Ladies, having a bad day but have no time to relax? When you get good at masturbation, it is entirely possible to have a quick masturbation session in about 60-90 seconds…..which now thinking about it, may be why the doc said he thought I might have “Tennis Elbow.” Whatever, sometimes you’re in a pinch ok? Once you “handle yourself”..I guarantee your day will go a lot smoother!

We would have LESS war if everyone masturbated!!  You feel too good after to want to kill anyone..if anything, you probably just want to chill out for a bit.

“I am in a Relationship, I don’t need to do that.”

Yes. You. Do.

Masturbation is healthy, even in a relationship because it can show you what feels good and what gets you to respond, then you can show your partner. Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship and you have a problem with premature ejaculation…masturbation can help with that.

In a relationship..it only ever really becomes a problem when you’d rather masturbate, than be with your partner…ever.

If you are single, then it doesn’t get any more safe! You don’t have to worry about STD’s and there is no worry about your partner disappointing you in bed.

Overall, solo sex is just…S.M.A.R.T.

S elf

M asturbators

A re

R eally

T errific

Start the Revolution!

So, I believe it’s time to change things up. Not just dedicate a month, but start a revolution. ….and name it “Masturbation Nation”….who’s with me?!

We could change the World! Everyone would be a lot more peaceful!

How do we do this? It’s simple. Educate those around you, make them more aware of themselves.  Maybe even have stickers to pass out that say: “Have you masturbated today?” It’s for the greater good! We can wear t-shirts, have rallies..you know, spread education:)

Ok, so I may have gone off on a tangent… just a tiny bit…but I hope you understand what I’m saying. YOU are beautiful. YOU are sexy…and YOU deserve to treat yourself well…LOVE yourself enough to not be afraid of what the physical act of “loving yourself” will do to your image in your eyes or in the eyes of anyone else.

Be happy, be healthy, masturbate:)