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The Cancer Card

So I said I would work on transitioning my blog to be a travel blog. Well, I have done some traveling but between work and school, I wasn’t focusing on getting those posts up. I just got busy. Then I got a phone call….

A few years ago my best friend Tanisha, of 13 years was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer . After a long road of treatments and surgeries, she was in remission. Now, the cancer has returned and has metastasized to her brain and other areas in her body.

She is currently living in Fresno, and when she asked me to come and stay with her, I didn’t hesitate.

I’ll say this, Fresno isn’t the greatest place. But she’s here, so I’ll stay here until she doesn’t need me anymore. I’m ready to battle with her just as we did a few years ago. She would do it for me.





I’ve started a fundraiser for her because she needs help with medical expenses.

She is an Air Force veteran and is able to get medical assistance through the Veterans Administration but they don’t cover everything. She currently has no income, and disability is taking forever to help her, even with her diagnosis.

I know everyone says only the nicest things when people are sick, but she truly IS an angel among us. She positively impacts people’s lives and would give her last cent to help someone else. I’ve seen her do this! Her doctors and nurses go out of their way just to spend time with her, even people who don’t know her and have only heard of her flock to her just to get a glimpse of her bright light. Everyone who meets her always says she is so sweet, kind, and caring.

I, personally have never met a more selfless person. I’ve seen friends come and go out of my life, yet she is the one friend who is a constant positive influence. She teaches me to be kind even when I don’t feel like it, to reach for my dreams, and believes in me more than any other friend, even more than my family at times. She’s more than my friend, she’s my sister and she needs to stay on this Earth to continue to spread her positive attitude and joyful spirit.

We’ve done great so far with the fundraiser but we still need help. Please read her story, share it, and PLEASE donate. Help my best friend. She needs to be here, I need her here. Every little bit helps!

The money will go to medical expenses not covered by the VA, travel expenses for medical care, food, and rent.The fundraiser ends August 7th, 2013.

Thank you!





Livin La Vida Lopez

Where have I been?

Great question… watch my video and find out!


So there you have it..and I guess I am still writing a long post about the transition anyway though…

Writing about dating has gotten old for me. It’s been a great run and I appreciate my readers more than you know (Mom), but it’s time to move on from here. I’m sure I will still write about dating occasionally. I am still single and I’m sure there will be things dating and relationship wise I will want to talk about because that is also a part of life… but I’m moving away from that being the focus of my blog.

A lot has happened in the last several months. I  am just about done with my degree in Journalism and I am an A student (mostly). I know, I can’t believe it myself.  I actually enjoy what I’ve learned for the most part. Especially the part where I learned that I want nothing to do with writing or reporting the news. Journalism is not black and white so I will take what I learn and go from here but you sadly, won’t see me working  for Dateline NBC.

School also affected my natural desire to want to write because with professors critiquing everything you write and training you how to write for news,  I started to become too technical about just writing personal blog posts (if you thought my grammar and spelling were bad before…Jus yew whait).

Writing doesn’t get easier with experience. The more you know, the harder it is to write. ~ Tim O’Brien

I finally realized I just needed to write. Good or bad, just write. So that’s what I’m going to do.

My experience and education thus far have allowed me to get into freelance writing work and social media managing. So because I can work from anywhere and my degree work is online as well, I figured why not take advantage and do some travel? I have already started traveling to a few places but am finally going to work on documenting it.

On the dating and relationship front, I will just leave you with this….

People read my posts because it gave ideas on the do’s and don’t s of dating and relationships, as well as horror stories. If I’ve helped you in some way or just made you laugh, I couldn’t ask for any more than that. But it’s all been said and done before so why keep repeating myself. See it’s simple, if you want the rules to dating and relationships, let me just save you time and tell you, ready?

The rules to dating and relationships are as follows….


We are all human. We are all going to make mistakes in dating and in our relationships. And no Steve Harvey, or author that says Men Love Bitches is going to always land you the man or woman. I’ve always said you can do everything by the book and it still may not work out. The important thing is to learn from mistakes and grow, not keep repeating them.

Another note I’ll leave you with is not to become jaded. Don’t be a hater of love. All men are not the same and all women are not the same. Get that out of your head. Because if you keep carrying that with you, I can promise you this, you WILL ruin every relationship or potential relationship. Work on healing yourself; your wounds. If you try to cover a deep wound with a napkin,you’re going to bleed right through it. Trying to cover a wounded heart that needs major fixing with another relationship isn’t going to fix things. Fix.YOU.first.


If you have any suggestions or feedback on this new adventure I’m on, I’m open to all of it because I have no idea what I’m doing. Granted, I’m aware I’m not reinventing the wheel here. There are plenty of travel bloggers, just as there were plenty of dating bloggers when I started but I think this will be a lot more fun.

I hope my writing inspires you to get out, to travel if you can. It’s not about spending all of your money to go somewhere, adventure can be just outside your door.

To my readers (Mom), thanks for sticking it out with me and I hope you find this next chapter of my adventures just as entertaining.


Let’s go….

Ho Ho…No?

Along with all the commercials that insist every woman MUST have jewelry for Christmas, it seems the internet has become riddled with posts on “How to Survive the Holidays Single.”  It’s like come the end of November, we are just miserable beings without partners, wandering this Earth aimlessly.  Did I miss something? When did being single for the holidays become some sort of tragedy?

That’s right, it’s not. So to all of those posting, thinking you’re doing us sad single people a favor, let me break it down for you.

We.are.fine. Probably better than a lot of couples in fact. While they’re out there racking their brains on what to buy their boyfriend or girlfriend, the most stress we encounter is the outfit we will be wearing for New Years Eve or finding the store with the best liquor sale.

We enjoy the holidays as much as they do, we are just as merry, have every right to be. So don’t try and rob us of it because we’re single.  We aren’t weak, we are strong. We are proof that we aren’t dependent on others for happiness. We are strong enough to find it within ourselves, yes, even during the holidays.

We aren’t social lepers (most of us) so stop treating us like it and like we now have to navigate through this planet during the holidays with things like survival kits. What do you think would be in those anyway? I read a post talking about a significant amount of booze.  I won’t argue with you about that….we will drink tons of booze, but not for reasons that you’re thinking.  We aren’t drinking to “deal” with anything.  We’re drinking….because we can, not because we’re alone. Just because we aren’t with a boyfriend or girlfriend, and aren’t posting cheesy Christmas card photos with a significant other, doesn’t mean we aren’t surrounded by love.

Truth be told, the only really sad thing about being single during the holidays are those people that get sad about being single during the holidays.

But if you do happen to fall into the category of  “Sad Single”  during what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, let me give you one piece of advice on how to get through this time of torment….

Stop reading these “How to Survive” posts and stop feeling sorry for yourself. BAM.DONE. You’re welcome.  (You can thank me in booze). Remind yourself that having a partner is great but not necessary to make you or your holidays anymore awesome.  You are enough, you are love. Be proud that you have made the decision to be with someone that makes you happy.



And really, the way I see it, not having a significant other during the holidays eliminates the obligation to buy an extra gift.  So now, you’ve just saved some money which not only means you’re wonderful but now, wonderfully savvy. Win/Win








Happy drunken, fabulously single, holidays everyone.








An Open Letter to Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

Dear Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan,

I am writing this because you are clearly trying to start a personal war with many Americans. You have crossed the line and this is why I simply cannot vote for you.

There are many topics that you have discussed with the public that I disagree with, and I could sit and argue with people til the cows come home about things such as taxes and employment issues but I’m not going to do that. I’m only going to address issues you are creating and would be creating should you become President and Vice President. Mainly, because it blows my mind to know your way of thinking, if elected, would set back us back. By “US” I don’t just mean women, I mean human beings as a whole and by “set back” I mean like 50 years back.

I thought I should write you because I think you’ve become confused. I’ve gathered that you and your BFF Paul Ryan, think running for President and Vice President, is a synonym for God.

Let me just start in by asking-What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously. Your stance on a woman’s right to choose-You seem to think you have the right to tell women what they can do with their own bodies. Have you lost your damn mind? I am not even going to go into great detail about what you plan to do with and have already done in regards to contraception and abortion rights. It makes me want to vomit. But let me just ask you both, you think by making abortion illegal, it’s going to stop it? No, that just means there are going to be illegal (and shady) abortions.

So, let me clarify for you, you don’t get to tell me what to do with my body. Neither of you are God, nor is running for the title of President and Vice President also referred to as God. You think you can simply preach about your beliefs and YOUR way of life and disregard others if their belief is not the same as yours? That is is just mindless and ass backwards.

Why don’t you just revoke a woman’s right to vote while you’re at it? What we as women believe is best for us as individuals is something you already want to take away from us, so why stop there?

I don’t know which one of you is worse, you Governor, or your running mate Ryan.

At times I think it’s Paul Ryan. Ryan, you like to refer to your children as “Bean,” which is funny because that is what I’ve nicknamed my clit. But you see, Ryan, contrary to what you might think, we are not on complete opposites of the spectrum on this. Our “Beans” are both precious things to us so I should have the right to decide what to do with my “Bean” and things connected to it, just like you have the right to do what you want with your “Bean.” … you should-WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

Oh and by the way, Ryan, a “bean” is not a baby, as you referred to it. It is a seed, something that is planted with the intent of producing life-not already so. It baffles me that you both are trying to simplify something that is a really complex and deep issue. It is not as simple as black and white and even with your so called “exceptions”, you are still completely clueless.

Even though it may be likely that the decision of legalizing abortion won’t be overturned should you take office, it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have to suffer your attempts to overturn it, which is horseshit.

It disgusts me to no end to have to actually hear the ignorance and intolerance spew from your mouths when it comes to these issues. But see the good news is, when Obama gets re-elected you, Romney and Ryan, WILL have the right to… Go fuck yourselves, (or each other which ever you prefer) then if one of you get pregnant, you would have the right to abortion. See? Options!

And just as I think Ryan might be slightly worse, Romney, you remind me and end up neck and neck with him in the race for title of “My Worst Nightmare,” when you talk about marriage equality. You say same-sex marriage is not American. Really? Romney, how ’bout you not try to tell me what is American when it’s not American that you don’t even want to address… 47% of Americans! You know what is also not American? Those who judge others. And since you want to integrate church and state so badly, FYI, judging others IS also a sin. So shame on you TWICE!

We have fought and made great strides forward and you clearly want to take steps backward. When it comes to a woman’s right to choose, and marriage equality, you and Ryan want to take that right away from women, and you want to fight to keep same-sex marriage illegal. I think you forgot God said “Love each other as I have loved you.”











It is not your job or your place to judge others, solely God’s.

See, Gentlemen, you have the right to believe in whatever you’d like. What you fail to see is that you cannot impose your religious beliefs on everyone else and try to cover it up by saying it’s what is best for America. You do not have the right to decide what America’s version of being American is when you distinctly don’t know yourselves.

I’m not voting for two people that are so closed-minded, they can’t see over their own beliefs for the greater good of American people. The beauty of this nation is diversity and freedom…and you, Sirs, are trying to take that away from us. God help us if you get elected.


Someone who’s pissed you’re messing with her Bean when she’s not messing with yours.

Adventures in Vacation Sex

Summertime and the livin’ is sleazy.  Yup as the weather heats up, so do our hormones.   Everyone is wearing less and it has many of us wanting to do more, especially girls.  They are sluttin’ it up on vacation…and it’s OK!

You go on vacation for some rest and relaxation.   It’s probably a time you don’t care about calories, you plan to spend your days with tons of drinks and a lot of recuperation.  Sex should definitely be on the menu because there is nothing like getting back to reality, with a glow on your skin and a smile on your face! 

Ladies, it is of the utmost importance to always act like a lady…except when you’re on vacation.   Girls, this is the one time you are allowed to act less than ladylike.  You are always hearing about how no matter what you do, there is always a double standard in sex and sure you’d like to act like guys do, but it doesn’t seem to work out for you.  Well, here’s your chance.  If you are down….to get down, you can go on vacation and release your so-called “inner slut” and not worry about judgement because chances are (and you want this) you won’t be seeing him again.

Guys, this is the perfect time you can have sex guilt-free.  You don’t have to worry about the awkward phone call the next day or the obligation of making sure you don’t hurt her feelings because the girl that does vacation sex right doesn’t want to hear from you after.

If you are able to do this right, you’ll be able to get in, get off, and get out.

So, hey girl, feel like you want to jump into the sex pool?  Here are some simple rules if you are thinking of taking a dip on your trip .

  • *Have a plan. Like a military mission, if you are with a group or even just another girlfriend, make sure they understand the plan and stick to it.  Maybe have some code words, hand gestures, whatever, just make sure you are always on the same page as your party or it might ruin your chances of a mission accomplished.
  • Once you find a guy you want to hook up with, make eye contact, flirt, then quickly find out if he’s available and make your move.
  • Keep to small talk.  You don’t need to know how many brothers and sisters he has.  You don’t care.  The only thing you care about is if  he’s aware you are about to take what you want – no prisoners!
  • Once you get yours. Get up, do not nap.  Put your clothes on, move, quickly out.  If you don’t, you are leaving the door open to unwanted things like dreaded conversation.
  • NO sleeping over, or cuddling for that matter.  Refer to bullet point 1* Have a plan*(*You don’t want to get into a situation where you are hooking up with one person and your friend is hooking up with the other and they decide for the both of you, you will stay there.  Make sure whoever is with you and wants to participate knows the plan!) -Ladies, we can be suckers for a cuddle sesh, DON’T DO IT.  It’s better this way.  You don’t have to worry about hearing him snore, no need to make him a sandwich after.  You get to go back to your comfy bed.
  • Do not exchange information. -No phone numbers, what do you have to talk about?  You don’t even need to know his name really.  No Facebook info, or Twitter info, or anything like that.  Keep it simple and off the social media radar (All relationships should be kept off the social media radar anyway) -You don’t need to hook up with them again.  You move on to someone else.  It’s vacation, you WILL find someone else to hook up with.  No recycling hook-ups, got it?
  • Do not get caught up in the moment beyond sex.  You may be vacationing in a romantic place.  You are walking along the beach on the way back to a guys hotel room and the light from the moon (probably along with some strong beer goggles) starts to make your hook up look like your future baby daddy.  You will think you are falling in love.  You.are.not. OK?  You’ve seen the Bachelorette.  Sure, on vacation, it’s easy to fall in love.  It’s when they get back to the real world that they realize it’s not all roses and rainbows.  Not to say love can’t happen on vacation but more than likely, it won’t.  It falls along the same lines as meeting the love of your life at the bar.  You certainly can, but you probably won’t.

……and the NUMBER ONE rule when sexationing:

  • BE SAFE!  Girls make sure you are carrying protection.  Do not depend on the guy to do it.  Show him you mean business by being prepared.  The last thing you need is returning home and finding you’ve brought any unwanted souvenirs such as unwanted rugrats or STDs!


What are your rules for vacation sex?


I Got One Life…..

When placed in a situation of transition and change, you might find choices that would be hard to make, become easy.

I am in a place where if you aren’t supporting what I’m doing, I won’t question it, not question you, I will just simply remove you from my life.

I’d say, that even when everything seems to be going well in our lives, we should always be able to spot those who don’t support us in our journey to happiness.  It just seems that sometimes when put in difficult or challenging situations, sometimes you can spot true colors more so than you were able to before.

That being said… there are some choices that should be easy…but aren’t.

I’ve had to remove some people from my life recently…you will see, when shit hits the fan, who is really there for you.

Like my friend Red…

She knew everything about the sudden change that was occurring in my life and thought she could help create an option for me.  She said she could get me an interview at a company she just started working for.  The position was for a customer service rep.  I have tried to create options for myself so I told her I’d interview for it.  I didn’t know what to expect on the interview but thought maybe it would give me greater clarity on some final moving decisions.

She lives in Ventura which is right along the central coast. Cool, little beach town with a lot to do.  The town itself didn’t have to sell me on anything.  It has plenty of night life to keep this girl busy and the beach just down the street.  Cool weather all the time, one would really not have much to complain about.

Now, back to the job.

Her boss interviewed me and was nice, although I couldn’t read if he really liked me or not.  When I left and spoke to my friend, I had got the impression I hadn’t gotten the job because I just figured they would tell me then.

My feeling after leaving and thinking I didn’t get it was…. relief.  See, she would be my boss.  Then on top of that, she has been so kind to offer her spare bedroom to me, which of course, I would pay rent for.  But then, she’d be my boss AND roommate.

I thought not getting the job to be better because I don’t want to risk our friendship.  I went home and proceeded with the moving process.

Then…a few days later, they offered me the job.  I looked at the offer letter but I knew my answer.  I had already mentally moved on.  I had to call and tell her.  She was disappointed and I couldn’t blame her.  She had done me a huge favor by getting me an interview and had sold me to her boss.  She told him what a great person I was and an even better employee I would be.  She needs the help there and I know I would rock that job.  Any job I’ve ever done, I rock… it’s just in me to have an incredibly strong work ethic.  I can say that much.

I just wasn’t convinced it was the right thing for me to do.

She jokes that I should sell my soul to the devil like she did but there is a lot of truth to it.  I would have to commit to at least a year there and it would most likely keep me further from LA.  I ‘m aware it’s a job; security.  It’s extra money that I don’t have currently but with the amount of school work I have now, I know my weekdays would be spent working because it’s full time, then weekends, writing.

This isn’t something to bitch about.  People do it all the time.  They work 40 hour weeks and still go to school,even with kids!  I could balance it. I would have to.

I am just in a place where I don’t have to do that.

Some have said, “In THIS economy, you take the job!”

But is the trade off worth it?

And our friendship…

We are both adults and I have worked for friends in the past.  No one at work would ever know if we had personal problems but I’m sure we would have them.  Our friendship is not above others.  We could very possibly come out of this with no friendship at all.

Even now, she is trying to convince me to take the job but even our friendship aside…If I don’t start pursuing my dreams now, when will I EVER?

Is it more grown up to stand firm on your dreams and pursue them? Or more grown up to do what others think is the “right” thing?

Everything, my heart,  is telling me not to take this job.

In speaking to another journalist friend of mine, she said with the path I’m choosing, there will be days, “You won’t want to get out of bed…but you have to keep it crackin’.” I know it’s not going to be easy.  I just want a life full of purpose and when I’m pursuing my goals, even when hard, I feel alive.  If I die tomorrow, I’ll be happy knowing I was working toward great things.  That’s what makes me feel whole and happy.

What would you do??

For me?

I got one life, one life, one life, and I’m gonna live it right…..


You Wished for This

I always try to surround myself with positive and ambitious people.  My friend Courtney is one of those people..

She’s a hustler. Fitness expert and nutritionist- I just love her energy.  I met her in LA and we clicked right away.  She was only in my life for a few months before relocating to Cabo San Lucas with her now husband.  I even went to visit her for my birthday.





Her house was up against the ocean…literally. House, rocks…ocean. WOW.




We talk all the time and I’ve been running around like  a mad woman trying to get things squared away before I leave but I wanted to take some time to Skype with her today.  Glad I did…always glad I do.  She is all about nutrition and yet, I love that she doesn’t judge me as I tell her I’ve been stress eating and stuffing my face with doughnuts, cake, and anything else that will go straight to my thighs.

As we log in and begin conversation, her bright smile on the screen, she says,  “Are you getting excited??!!”

I thought- “Excited?”  Why would I be excited about what’s happening?

She saw the look on my face and followed up with: “You wished for this!”

“How so?”

Then she broke it down… “You did Lo. You put your dreams out there to the Universe and they are coming true.  Remember, the Universe doesn’t tell you HOW you are going to get to your dreams…all you need to know is that you WILL get to your dreams.  This is part of your journey.”

Damn. Powerful, insightful. I paused…and realized she was right.  I don’t know what I was so worried about.  I wanted this…and as she said “wished for it.”  Sure, it’s not how I imagined it would go but I’ll get there…and this is just part of how I will.

When we decide to send out our dreams and desires into the Universe,  we don’t need to know the path.  Whether it’s the Universe for you or God, the path is ours to be on, but not ours to decide if it’s going to be a windy, steep, or straight one.  It’s not up to us to decide how it will manifest.  It will ultimately lead us to where we are supposed to be…to accomplish those dreams that make us feel whole and full of purpose.


Weird how that works huh?

Cheers to us…cheers to our dreams.







Officially Undateable



Staring out of my bedroom window at the Downtown LA skyline just taking it all in…because I don’t know when I’ll have this view again.

It’s not like I haven’t been appreciating it.  Everyday, I have. The hustle and bustle of Sunset boulevard and although I’m directly below apartment is so quiet..aside from hearing that fucking neighbor of mine have sex…all has been great. 

The Lo-Down

A lot of great things had been happening. My writing was just starting to get noticed on a professional level. I find this a huge accomplishment seeing as even though I am a very confident person, when it comes to my writing, I can lack that confidence at times.

I just had my first paid article published and had gotten incredible feedback about my writing style.  I was so encouraged…I knew this was just the beginning.  My writing career would start taking off and it would start to open doors for me.  I had set goals, wrote them out, and everything I had set out to do thus far, had happened.  The only appropriate thing to do was celebrate.  So I  did just that.  I left town to celebrate with friends and family.  I was on cloud 9.  Nowhere to go but up!

Oh yeah, and I had just quit my job. I was working at a gym with great women but it was just that, a job and I wanted to feel fulfilled.  I wanted to dedicate my time to working toward a career and I felt if I didn’t leave, I would never do that.  It was a brilliant plan…or so I thought.

So there was the fire.  Set, and just enough pressure to really have to start performing to see my dreams start to come together.

I literally told my roommate when I left for vacation: “I feel like I’m on top of the world right now! It feels amazing!”

Weapons of Mass Destruction 

Off I went to celebrate goal achievement…then BAM.  It was during my vacation that my roommate informed me she would not be able to pay rent because she was without a job and couldn’t find one in time to pay.   I was upset..and disappointed.  My thoughts became mind and heart were sent into panic. What the fuck are we going to do?? I kept thinking, “Can’t find a job?  I just quit mine! They are everywhere aren’t they?!” 

After my brief yet intense panic (and half a bottle of Tequila), I had time to gather myself and realize, her not being able to pay was not just her fault but equally mine.  See, she’s not just my roommate, she’s like my sister.  I shouldn’t have left her alone to figure out how she was going to make rent.  I should have kept my job until she was able to obtain employment.  I could have quit after. I only thought about taking care of me…not her…and friends don’t do that. - NO MAN LEFT BEHIND. Our military careers had brought our friendship together over 13 years ago… I could not leave her now. 

It takes two.  We both put ourselves here….and now, we have to move.  Whether I could help us out temporarily or not is no matter.  It wouldn’t last. We should just move now and save….

Friends have come out of the woodwork offering their spare bedrooms, no charge.  Even people offering to pay our rent!!  So wonderful how friends will rush to your side when you need them.  It’s not like I ever doubted anyone but man is this one hell of a reminder of how precious our friendships are….

but I can’t bear the thought of doing that to them…. on any level. 

 So-I’m moving home to figure out my next move.

The upside (if you want to see it that way) is that I have the luxury of not working.  I’ll make enough to help my Mom and Dad with any bills while I’m taking up room in their house, travel if I want, and still save.

 But so it’s clear…this ain’t no party! My priority is to get things figured out and move out quickly.  I don’t need any (more) dating strikes against me…because of course, this will all go over well:  “I live at home…yeah, with my parents….what do I do for work? Oh, that….yeah, I don’t have a job either.”

Which is funny because I just wrote about the percentage of people that have moved back home in this economy and I thought: “Wow, I’m glad I haven’t had to move back home.”

Here’s the thing-shit.happens.  Sure it’s a setback but it sets me up for a comeback. People in my life know I don’t wilt under pressure…

“The strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.”

- Napoleon Hill

That’s me…..

They say good things fall apart so better things can come together. I think they say that to help people cope…

All I know is I want back in LA already but who knows…maybe now I’ll become a vagabond? Or move to New York,or to passion for adventure can take me anywhere….I just didn’t think it would take me back to my parents house first…to start over.

I will not only learn from but triumph from this.

“I’ve failed over & over & over again in my life & that is why I succeed.” -Michael Jordan

Let the adventure begin…

Bring it. 


Losing My Religion

There I was.  The congregation stood…I followed as to not be the only one who didn’t…as they sang “All are welcooomme here”. Was this the progression of the church? Of religion? Where they played Lady Gaga and James Taylor? It was different than I had ever experienced, the Pastor was enthusiastic. I wasn’t used to this in a Catholic church. I hadn’t been to church in ages and  when my friend asked me to go to a service with her, even with all the attempts to keep me engaged, I felt I didn’t belong there.  I even started to have flashbacks…

I grew up in the Catholic Church. Two services on Sunday, Catechism on Tuesday in preparation for my 1st communion…I hated it. The kneeling, the amount of Our Father’s and Hail Mary’s just to repent for my sins-awful….and in this service when they had the all too familiar “Peace be with you” portion, I was drawn back to every childhood Sunday where we were dragged to church and had to shake hands or hug strangers. It wasn’t welcoming then. The only thing relieving about that portion of the service was knowing it meant church would be over soon., these people were, smiling, laughing, singing to these songs. Hands raised high as they couldn’t find a more welcoming, more happy, more perfect environment..yet still, I gazed around the room. Everyone was singing, everyone..and just about everyone had their eyes closed as they sang “shout to the Lord”..could I do this? I didn’t feel I could. As the young girl behind me sang her lungs out, and the older gentleman in the last pew exaggerated the chords as he sang “ Almighty Gooooooooooooooood” to almost make the entire church aware “Hey, I can sing, hear my vibrato” .

I felt out of place but here, even the lyrics for “God loves everyone” -the song sang of acceptance. That God would love you no matter what but here I felt, I can’t love… His church. I tried to understand. The people praising Him, they loved the music. I was bored. I wasn’t upset, I was just wondering: “Is there anyone else feeling the way I am now?” It didn’t seem like it. Everyone looked relaxed and at peace. Because I have never felt a sense of calm and happiness after leaving church…ever, I tried to relate. The look on the faces of those in the church seemed so happy to just be there, as if they were only complete once they were there. I thought “Yoga…yoga makes me feel like that.” Was this their yoga? Or am I now, and throughout my whole life..missing the bigger picture? I couldn’t then and can’t tell you that now.

As the “offering” came by I didn’t give any money either..simply because I didn’t have any cash but I was wondering if I would have even if I did have money. Now am I an even bigger asshole for thinking that? My thought was “God will forgive me..if there is one”. See, I’m not really sure I could give them my money. Although out of any church they deserved it. I have NEVER seen a Pastor so passionate, so kind, so friendly, so happy! It seems like the happiest church on Earth but see, I’ve seen too many Dateline episodes where the church has taken people’s money and the Pastor’s have bought mansions and cars with that money. I trusted this Pastor because there was something so pure about him but I just don’t trust the whole “church” system if that makes sense.

The people were kind, the service, beautiful, but I don’t see myself going back. Church didn’t resonate with me as a child and teen, it doesn’t now either.

Does this affect my dating life? Probably. Now, maybe, I can’t date anyone who is a every Sunday church type of dude because I don’t think I can be that. Even in a place, where they are clearly accepting of everyone and I’m sure even if they knew how far from religion I had become, they would STILL accept me, I don’t think it’s a place for me.

When I was religious, it stuck with me til about 19 years old..where I started to learn more about worldly things and allowed my then boyfriend to assist in the removal of religion from my life.  I was impressionable then and he said “Doesn’t it make sense for a government to create religion and and a God to say to the people ‘When no one is watching, you must do right’ in order to control the population and make them feel like they should attempt to do right because if they don’t, there are consequences, maybe not now, but in the afterlife?”

I couldn’t argue. It made sense, and only as I got older did I draw further and further away from religion.

It’s kind of sad if you think about it. As we get older, we believe less because we learn more. No more Santa, no Tooth Fairy…no more God.

I know the answer the church has is that I’m just supposed to have blind faith..and in a way, I think I do..but I’m hoping, praying even, that my faith lies in something higher than myself and not in any one church,not in any one God, and that I’m allowed to believe that it’s not any one religion that will save me from the depths of Hell but that the fact that I am faithful (or more spiritual) alone will be enough.


I pray…


Who Does That?!

There is nothing wrong with talking to a bunch of different girls if you aren’t exclusive with someone….there IS something wrong with NOT keeping track of who you meet/are talking to….


Check out my video about what happened.

(Please forgive my amateur video making..I’ll get better….maybe…)

But seriously though… Who Does That?


If he thought THAT was funny, I definitely couldn’t date him because it wasn’t funny, and I think EVERYTHING is funny.


Guy and girls, has this or something similar happened to you? I want to know!! I’ll be posting a video response once I get some feedback from you.

Tweet:, comment below, or email: with your responses. And if you’re tweeting, don’t forget the hashtag: #whodoesthat