Les Aventures d’une Fille Seule

August 17th, 2010 . 7 Comments »

Does that translate to: “Adventures of a Single Girl”???  I sure hope so….because you won’t believe where my single girl adventures are taking me next!!……….

FRANCE!!!

Oui!!! Heading to the Loire Valley for a week! What a spontaneous trip! I leave Sunday and come back Sunday!

I have no idea what to expect except that wine tasting there is much different than here in the states. Apparently you go to the homes of strangers, and have wine with them? Much different way of life than here. I have been to Paris but this is more of the country side with lush, beautiful landscapes filled with sun flower fields and chateaux.

It still hasn’t hit me yet. I’m excited but I can’t wrap my head around this just yet because it was literally planned 2 days ago and finalized yesterday. So this post is a short one… I am sure I will have plenty of pictures and an unforgettable experience to write about when I return.

Au revoir mes amis!!

Posted in Adventures

“I’ll Be Single Until FOREVVVERRRR”

August 5th, 2010 . 24 Comments »

There’s the ongoing joke..you know the one..about the single lady with 40 cats?

Well apparently that’s going to be me(though I don’t have any, guess I should head to the shelter)  I’m going to stay single forever and you know what? That’s ok.

This will all sound repetitive to you I’m sure, but I just feel you can never get enough..Am I right? :)

On my fan page, I posted the question:

“A guy offering to make dinner at his place when you have not even gone on a real 1st date yet. Lazy? Sleazy? or Slazy? ;p”

Well, about 30 comments later, I figured I needed to write some things out…vent if you will. Afterall, this is MY blog, and I can rant as much as I’d like.

The root of this rant comes from the fact that I met a guy through a friend. Nice guy who seemed to have his shit together and one point in getting to know him, said “I’m a man, not a boy”

Kind of funny, we actually started off on the wrong foot.

My girlfriend tried to explain an inside joke (which I won’t try to explain here because you just won’t get it unless you were there). I told her not to as he probably wouldn’t get it…he didn’t, and seemed to be offended. “What are you some kind of racist then? You spit out politically incorrect jokes and think that it’s funny?!”

I turn to him and say “It was a joke! We clearly are not racists! Look at our group?” I don’t discriminate when it comes to friends. I don’t discriminate when it comes to dating either!

I APPROVE OF THIS

I had just met this guy and he had started in on me within a minute of meeting me. I turned to my girlfriend and said “Who invited THIS guy anyway!?”

He tried to come back and make conversation. “So you were in the Air Force?” Me: “Yup” and I walked away. His friend said “Well, there goes that I guess”

I stayed ahead with some other friends but we all head to a party I was having at Quality Social…free drinks for me and 40 of my friends for an hour. YES!! . He approached me a little after we got there and cleared the air..we were cool after that.

I had met up with him a few times again with my girlfriend as she was mutual friends with his friends. I had invited some other friends out and they got to know him, and mentioned to me that they thought he was cool, and seemed to be into me. I didn’t think much into it. I was just enjoying the evening with my friends.  He asked me for my number and called a few times..we had great conversation, and surprisingly, he had his shit together. Not that I’m surprised that a guy has his shit together, but at 26, yeah I’m impressed.  So he suggests during one of our conversations, that we should meet up for coffee.

So I walk over one day to a Starbucks where he said he’d be.

Him: “Are you going to get something?

Me: “Yeah, a green tea” I go up and order, he stands behind..when the lady says “$1.55″, he says “Oh you got it?”

Ummm yeah, do you think I was going to turn around to you and ask, “hey you are going to pay for this right?” That wouldn’t have been odd at all!

No big deal..he can still hold a very adult conversation. I’m not going to hold that against him. He’s a cute guy, and love that he’s got a good head on his shoulders. Just forget the fucking $1.55 tea Lo.

We are sitting there chatting and I realized I hadn’t eaten lunch..or dinner yet.. he said “we should get dinner then” We go have sushi.

We are at the sushi bar, and we are getting to know eachother… he’s got an interesting life story, and despite the fact, that he didn’t buy my $1.55 tea..we were still having a great time. Then the bill comes..he puts his card in, and being that it is a nice gesture to offer and not assume he will pay, I take out my card…he takes it. “Oh cool, we’ll split the bill?” No dude, I was just kidding and I’d like to pay for ALL of it after you’ve invited me out.

We leave sushi and we part ways. On the way home, I just got to thinking. I don’t know if it’s my culture, or my Dad and Step Dad both spoiled me, but I don’t believe the lady should pay on the first date. Even to this day, I have to fight with my Dads to let me pay. I have to literally sneak the bill past them. They both have given me the look of death whenever I try to pay.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY. It’s simply a sign of respect for the lady. I decided then, that if I ever have a boy, I will give him preventative beatings so when he gets older, starts dating, and a girl pulls out her card..he will demand she puts it away because he knows what will happen to him if he lets her pay or even split the bill.

I get home and catch up with my girlfriend and she tells me:  “He’s a hang out, make out guy, not a relationship guy” ..that is so awesomely abbreviated  “H.O.M.O”

I figured as much, who at 26 wants a relationship. Not even at 29 do I want one most of the time…but that doesn’t take away from treating a lady, as a lady should be treated.

Well, we can just be friends..that’s totally cool with me. Like I’ve said before. I split the bill with my girls all the time.

Totally understand! We talk on the phone a few more times, nothing big..but then this: He suggests that I go over to his house and he’d cook me dinner.

THAT’S where the post on my fan page got heavy with comments and I felt I needed to write about what I FEEL I NEED. Not what everyone else thinks is the right thing.

Let me also say, there’s nothing wrong with at 26, acting like you are 26..there is just no need to approach a grown woman then.

What I would like:

If a guy and I decide there is chemistry..and If he then decides he’d like to take me out, that he takes me to have dinner. He pays. Period. I would think men would find it emasculating if a girl paid. Guess not all do. Just because you are attractive, does not excuse you from being a gentlemen. Somehow I think some guys have been taught this?! Where are they learning this??!!

I said this in my fan page post. The gesture for dinner was nice, but why am I going to your house? I already had to meet you out once, which I paid, then split the bill for, and now I have to go to YOU again?I think that should be saved for a later time. I’d rather you make us some pb&J sandwiches and put a blanket down at the park. That whole date can’t cost you more than $5 but an awesome scenery..priceless!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a guy to come and pick you up and go to dinner, and I don’t care if it’s to fucking McDonalds because seriously,I fucking love McDonalds. It’s the thought, and making a girl feel like he appreciates being with you and getting to know you, not treating you like every other girl.

I naturally think he’s going to try and sleep with me if I go over too. I just don’t want that situation with someone I don’t feel I even know much about.

I am in a place in my life where I don’t want to sleep around. I’ve never been that girl actually. I have had casual sex before, and don’t judge those that do,  but…for me, I ‘d rather have vacation casual sex if I’m going to do that, because then there’s a good chance I’m not going to run into you on the street and have to deal with you…and  (if you know me, you know this) I hate drama. Where others say they hate drama but in the end run towards it, I really do, in fact, do the opposite. If you are dramatic, I will move on from you, whether it’s a friend or someone I’m dating or whatever.

If you are just hooking up with a guy..ONE of you WILL get attached. That’s where drama unfolds and what I want to stay away from, so I don’t have casual sex.

Girls give it up WAY to easy these days.  So I get why guys feel they don’t need to do much because they can find a girl easily that won’t say no. I just think so many women don’t realize how powerful our sexuality is. Make him respect that part of you! The stories I hear really gross me out sometimes…so many people having sex without protection! Do you want to catch something?

SEX IS A BIG DEAL! YOUR VAGINA IS A BIG DEAL! Really, it is the fucking end all, be all, to life and everything in between! REALIZE…IT’S LIKE FINDING GOLD!..no, no, like Platinum! That’s better than gold right? Oh hell, whatever, you get it! And if you are giving it away to everyone, it no longer is something to be treasured… so stop fucking giving it away like it’s cubic zirconia.

I’m not saying to control men with it….

But I am saying, realize it is something special.

I am in a place where I want that to mean something. That’s all. If I want to have casual sex again one day, that decision will be mine, not for a guy to decide he can just make minimal effort for because he’s going to get laid anyway.

My girlfriend says: “You are picky! You are pickier than I am!” No, not really. Maybe I think too highly of myself but I feel I deserve to be treated special. That doesn’t mean breaking your bank account, it means putting some thought into a date, and not just ” like let’s hang out, and like you know, or whatever”

I’m not asking for 6 pack abs, or what your bank statements are…and no, short is not in there either. I don’t care if you are shorter than me. I’m asking for a person with a good heart and good intentions, to not treat me like a random girl. Whether we decide we should go out again or not, being treated nicely will take you a long way.

In the end, you could do everything right and end up miserable anyway. Life is funny that way, and you can’t spend all of your time wondering if perfection will walk through the door…but I know this, I don’t want a “fixer upper” and I don’t want to train a guy on how to treat me.

I can’t say anything bad about this guy really other than it seems like he just doesn’t get it. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or the patience to explain it to him.  I think if he could just get that part down, it’d be great to spend some real time with him…but what do I think will actually happen? He’ll move on when he sees I’m not responding to his “Let’s hang out or whatever” attitude…and he’ll move on to a girl that’s totally ok with that.

I guess you could say it’s all or nothing with me at this point. I don’t need half-assed…anything. I have friends already. I don’t need more friends and am sure not looking for a fuck buddy. I really just want to be left alone truthfully. If there is an awesome person that were to come my way, and be a man, and I would want to treat him equally as nice, then great..but if not,  for the millionth time.. I’M NOT SETTLING..so just leave me alone.

So here’s my motto from here on out: If you want to step to me, you better bring your A game, or don’t step to me at all. I promise I’ll be fine either way. My life is still fucking fabulous without you.

From what I hear, I’ll be single forever… totally fucking fine with me. Being single is not a plague, sad, or tragic. It’s fucking BAD ASS . And I’m not going to change up my world for someone who doesn’t want to step up and bring something awesome to my (as the article says) “dope ass party”. That’s right..I’m FUCKING RONIN!

“You’re not single. The world needs you, not the other way around. Sit and breathe. Defend the weak. Stop to salute the lotus flower. Roam the world and never feel alone. You are Ronin – you answer to no one. Your heart is your only master.”

Hell yeah.

So if you’ve got nothing..then move on little boy.

Until next time,

The Cat Lady

Posted in advice, dating, dating advice, dating blunders, dating stories, dating tips, san diego dating, single men, single women

If You Can’t Take The Heat, Get Your Ass Out Of Bikram Yoga

August 4th, 2010 . 2 Comments »

Living downtown has brought on some new, fun, and just plain awesome adventures. Including meeting some incredible people…with some incredible, or maybe, not so incredible new ways of working out.

The people.

Well one of them-

Laura …what can I say about this girl?  Other than, when I met her, within 5 minutes she had me cracking up. She might just be one of the only girls I know funnier than me.  She didn’t waste any time, when we met..she just started telling me some of her life stories which just happen to be hilarious… and I couldn’t help it, I was all ears. She’s living, and doing it right, so of course much of that comes with some funny stuff. Glad I met her until she mentions this:

The workout.

On top of Laura’s stories, she’s got some crazy ideas for working out. BIKRAM YOGA. When we first met she said: “You should try Bikram with me. You feel like you’re going to have a heart attack but afterward you feel great!” Sounds uber appealing at this point right? Yeah, so my response: “Ummm, I think Bikram has boiled your brain..I’m not doing yoga in a heated room” (over 100 degrees heated) .

I hate the heat..like I don’t even lay out much because I not only get bored, I get irritated. So how was I going to go into a heated room and do yoga on top of that?

It took some convincing, but she made it sound awesome so I figured why not? I could always walk out of the class if I couldn’t handle it.

I agree.

The night before…..I’m given INSTRUCTIONS on how to get ready for this class:

“Get a large jug of water, freeze half, chill the other half, tomorrow morning, fill the frozen jug with the chilled water…it gets warm in class ya know?”

“Bring a hand towel, and wear as little as possible”

OOOOkaaay, instructions, really? I sure didn’t think I had to think that much about what to do before hand..but I understand as it prevents you from DYING in yoga.

Morning of.

Heading to our 6:30 am class, I get in her car: “So this is an hour class?”

Laura: “90 minutes”

Me: “Oh shiiiit”

We get in, put our things away and walk into the studio.  She opens the door, and the heat hits me, sort of stepped back for a bit, but played it cool..I didn’t want to look like a newbie.

I’m looking around the room, everyone is wearing next to nothing…literally. There was a guy in front of me wearing what looked like a banana hammock. ..hmm, interesting. One girl looked like she was just wearing her underwear. You’d think that’d all be awkward, but no one cares. It’s so hot in there, you lose the brain capacity to even judge or make fun of people..

Well so much for not being found out. The instructor calls out my name and points out that because I’m new to the class, I should not try everything everyone else is doing. So when she says “push it” she’s not talking to me.

I did like the fact that she spoke to me before the class, so I wouldn’t feel like a loser if I couldn’t keep up with everyone.

We start the breathing exercise.  It’s not even 30 seconds in and I start sweating…big time…but I just go with it.

The poses are not very hard in Bikram..so don’t be intimidated when you see this:

Or this:

Or..if you happen to glance over and see your neighbors ball sack. (Sorry I don’t have pictures of that, cameras aren’t allowed in yoga)

3 poses in, you are already dripping in sweat. Only then, are you allowed to drink water which the instructor playfully calls “Party Time”…well it’s a very short party. You get right back to posing.

The heat is all you can think of really, not ball sack guy or anything else. You just focus on your breathing so you don’t get light headed. There was a point I reached where I thought: “I just might die here today”, but it passed very quickly.

Tree posing, Savasnas, and everything in between. It’s over before you know it. You come out feeling a little delirious but I guess according to Laura is “A good thing”

The instructor said I did great for my first time and whether or not that was a sales technique, I had decided then I’d be back for more.

It’s great for detoxifying your body, and of course increases your flexibility, and over all it really wasn’t that bad…and that’s coming from a girl who is not a fan of the heat. It’s different in there…as in some situations where the sweating is ALL GOOD ;) , this would be one of those.

Would I recommend you try this? Oh yeah.  You do feel awesome afterward…and you won’t pass out. Well, actually I shouldn’t say you won’t but you should be ok as long as you hydrate before the class and don’t freak out at how hot it gets.

It’s NOT for everyone…but I do recommend you try it. If you don’t like it, then don’t do it again, but at least you can say you tried…and that’s what life’s about anyway.

Namaste bitches.

Posted in Adventures, advice

Cynicism At HER Finest

June 25th, 2010 . 14 Comments »

Heartbreak can be a terrible thing. What am I saying, “can” be?..it FUCKING IS.

Alright, but where is the line between a lesson learned and heartbreak turning us into cynics?

I have been hearing from a lot of cynical people lately..and by “people”, I mean women. Here are some of the things that have been said to me in the last few weeks…in warning I guess:

“All men lie!”

“All men cheat!”

“Don’t get married!”

Though women vent to me about their heartbreak or problems in their relationships, (you think I would have sworn off men by now).. I don’t know why, but as much as I’ve heard this recently, I just don’t believe that all men are dogs.

I still believe in the good in people. I believe in the good in men.

I am however, sitting here wondering where all of this comes from.

Because it seems, the finest of cynics have made themselves present to me recently, most of them women,  I am addressing my ladies in this post..only because it’s been my experience lately.

In observation.. I am seeing, many women are punishing men, either men in general or even in their current relationships because of their past.

Why?

Maybe you’ve been cheated on…awful. Maybe he treated you less than what you deserve…and you put up with it…for a long time. I can see how that might cause some bitterness in women..especially when you gave him everything or opened up to him and he took advantage of that. I get it.

Though this is not the case with every woman… issues I have encountered or have been on the phone (ear) receiving end of the conversation..it seems there is a lot of SETTLING going on.

Here comes the rant, and where I believe a lot of cynicism breeds…like the plague.

“I can change him” —

Every woman would LOVE to be the one he changes for…

Here’s the thing, you can’t change anyone. Don’t go into a relationship thinking they will change for you. Was he a mess when you met him? Well he will more than likely continue to be that way. Sorry.

The other day my friend said : My wife new I was dick when she married me, years later, I’m not changing! If I do change, it will be for me..not because she nags me to”

You knew what you signed up for…this isn’t a movie, this is real life. Accept him as he is in the beginning or don’t get involved.

If it’s bad and you can’t change it..here is one thing you can change..YOU. You have control over your life. So if you find you are unhappy,  don’t wait for the world to change…you do something about it.

You stay in an unhappy relationship and try to convince yourself (and others) that you are going to be ok.. or we will stick it out “for now” you are not truly being open to what you really deserve. You can’t possibly be open to someone treating you EXACTLY as you deserve to be treated, when you are hanging on to see if the other person will change…next thing you know, years have gone by and guess what..it’s just like yesterday..they are still the same..but maybe now, YOU are different…yeah, now you are even more bitter and resentful because you spent so much time “hoping”.

You’ve spent all of this time trying to figure out why they are the way they are, will they change? Will this get better? The whole time the other person is just…living…being them..so if you do eventually get the balls to go, you are all sorts of angry..and the other person doesn’t get it…because again, they’ve just been themselves.

“Sometimes you have to let go of what you want, to remember what you deserve”

Men should be treated like Kings and women like Queens..period.

“I’m afraid”

Seriously? What are you afraid of? Starting over? Stop being a pussy. Are you afraid of finding a love that will compromise with you and love you in a way that you didn’t even know existed?

Well, as hard as it’s been to convince some girls that it exists… it’s out there…BUT you can’t be open to it, if you are stuck in some rut and just chalk it up to “well I’m just stupid I guess” you don’t have to be…tough lesson to learn (trust me, took me a long time) but an important  one..and once you learn it, you will find happiness.

I think it’s important to remember that they are not the last person you will ever love…and that will ever love you.

“But the sex…it’s the best ever!” Well, I promise you…they are not the last person who will every put it down like that.

It’s a given that when you find someone who is madly in love with you, even then, it won’t be perfect, but of course that’s not what one should be looking for.

“So then I should stay?”

Not saying that either. If you spend most of your relationship in some emotional mess and spend time thinking “it will get better” get used to that… because you will be saying it for the next 20 years. Good luck with that.

Do you sit there thinking somethings missing?

You should feel fulfilled! A relationship should take you to a better you, not break you down. Stop being a chicken shit!

Every where you look, there are jerks, and liars and cheaters out there but I’m beginning to think the real problem is:….US! WOMEN! We allow the behavior, so therefore, it continues. It may not be you that accepts the cheating or shitty treatment but other women do, it’s sad, but it doesn’t make the search for a guy head over heels in love with you hopeless.

“But We have kids”

I don’t have kids, and I know I have no way to understand what that is like right now….I know divorce can be even harder when you do have them… but here’s what I have learned….this is not the 1950’s. People don’t stay together for the kids anymore and kids are not stupid. They know when they have 2 miserable parents. I come from a divorced family. I am so happy my parents didn’t stay together. Both have remarried and have been with their spouses for over 20 years. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if my parents would have stayed together.

So I know divorce is one of the worst things you will ever go through but there again, if you do have to go through it, there is happiness in your future, and sometimes you have to go through those things in order to embrace true happiness.

He may be a good person, so are you..but that doesn’t mean you are a good fit together.

“But he takes care of me”

What is “taking care of me” anyway?

To me, just because a guy buys you material things does not mean he’s taking care of you. It does NOT mean he treats you like a queen. Your heart, your soul, should be the only thing that needs taking care of, not your wallet and not your wardrobe. Things are nice, but “things” serve as a terrible band-aid to cover wounds that need major surgery.

I want to look back at life and realize I spent most of it being HAPPY! Not sad, not frustrated, and crying all the time over some dumb shit that didn’t know how to treat me.

I know… because the fear of being alone can be so overwhelming..many will in fact settle, because on occasion, your relationship is “not bad”

Well fine, settle then. It’s your life..you are the one who has to deal with the bitterness and resentment from doing so.

“Ok, I’ve had enough..I’m ready to take back control, ready to change my life”….

So you finally do break up… what now?

It’s going to hurt…a lot.

I promise you the world is NOT going to end. It will hurt though, and for a while you will want to die..but it will make you appreciate the right person when they come along. I don’t believe in fate or that there is one person out there for everyone..but I believe you will meet someone who will give you everything you want and need as long as you are willing to give the same, and open to receiving it.. I mean truly open to…not being someones “In the meantime” or treating someone as your “In the meantime”.

Where is the self esteem!? It’s important to find happiness within yourself. Try to work on finding happiness alone and not needing a man to complete you. I know a lot of woman can lose confidence during a break up..well, no better time than now to find it!

WE RUN THIS….

Ladies, be CONFIDENT! Walk into a room like you own it because you fucking do! Not feeling it? Act like you are and it will come to you (“Fake it ’til you make it”) Keep yourself busy. Go make new friends, take a dance class, do something to find yourself again!

After heartbreak, it’s not the easiest thing to put yourself out there again…

“I’m scared it will happen again..I’m scared he’ll break my heart”

It can be scary, and caution is good, but don’t shy away from love for fear of heartbreak..WELCOME IT! Welcome heartbreak! If you want to find love, be open to it, and know that sometimes that comes with heartbreak but it’s ok… because heartbreak reminds you that you are still capable of giving love, and capable of giving yourself.

Round 2, 3, 4, and 5….

You may go back to the person you break up with… it happens.. I’ve done it. For a second..the relationship feels new again and that’s what you hold on to…but the feeling doesn’t last. People. don’t. change! People hate to hear the truth sometimes.  They prefer lies because they don’t have to deal with the reality of things.. but on top of the truth of a failed relationship is the truth and promise of a better one. Believe it.

That’s right..BELIEVE. Don’t be bitter! Believe that you will meet someone fantastic and there will not be a day that you question if it will get better.

All we do by clinging to a “what if”, “I hope” “let’s see” is build resentment and THAT’s where you may become cynical later.

“Be brave to say ‘goodbye.’ Believe, that life will reward you with a newer, bigger and better “hello.”

I’m not afraid. I have had my heartbroken, more than once. It sucks.  I’m so grateful it happened though, because when I look back, I deserve better..and have learned that I won’t settle.

It’s time to take back the value in YOU. You’d be a lot happier, less bitter, less cynical, and maybe actually be open to the King that will treat you like a Queen.

I’m saying… grow a pair, realize you deserve…THE VERY BEST because you give the best….and DON’T punish the next guy because of how your ex treated you.

Men should be innocent until proven guilty… but it seems now a days, men are guilty until proven innocent.

Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. Don’t sit there and constantly wait for the other shoe to drop

I still believe in love. Not ridiculous movie love but the real thing where even when real life things happen, his eyes still  sparkle from the very sight of you.

Maybe I am delusional …but join me won’t you? It’s a place I find that no matter the amount of heartbreak.. I believe that I am worth someone being faithful to me, someone treating me like a queen.

Posted in dating stories

LoLo, Where’d You Gogo?

June 9th, 2010 . 5 Comments »

As friends have suggested, I am writing more about “my life” ..here we go.  If you don’t like it..you can suck it.

The last month or so has opened my eyes to a lot of things..

Projects, moving, and being a therapist…..

“A therapist? I thought you were a Realtor and weather girl?” Yeah, I am all that…but seems I also have another job..as a therapist to my friends and family.

Being there for others is kind of what I do… you know, that friend that you can call at 2am when you can’t sleep because shit is hitting the fan? Yeah…that’s me. I’m good at it. People always tell me I should be a therapist….even when it comes to relationships.

Guys and girls tend to grow close to me…extremely fast. I’m not kidding when I say I can meet you at noon and you’ll be telling me all of your secrets by 12:30…ok 1 at the latest ;)

I don’t know why that is… I’m finding it’s a blessing and….a curse.

I think people come to me because I remain neutral. I have NO problem telling you like it is, but in the end, I got your back like chiropractic ;)

Even with an ex, if they vent to me about a current relationship, I stay neutral and I think that’s why they feel it’s safe. Even both in the same relationship! None have been the wiser. None will ever be either. I keep all of the secrets. When you say “please don’t repeat this” I don’t. Plain and simple.

Well being that I’ve been giving so much of myself, especially lately, it’s caught up to me I think.  I didn’t realize I was there so much for others..till it all sort of came to a head and I found myself suffering over issues, that were not only NOT mine, but finding that I had all of my personal things going on and I could not keep up with ME anymore.

The truth is..I’m drained…completely spent. I am in the middle of a move; granted to a fab place (UPGRADE!) but it seems that a lot of what was going on with others was at the same time I was/am going through this transition.

Normally…I can handle it..but lately..just seems to have been overwhelming.

It’s like everyone is going through some sort of turmoil and I’m like Bruce Almighty. I hear people’s problems and I want to have the answers for them. I often have some bit of advice to help them but it’s just starting to weigh on me a bit. So just like in the movie..I’m giving the same answer to everyone without thinking it through.

I don’t know if that’s good or bad but when my friends or family are going through something and they break down, I can be their rock but go through the breakdown or break up at the same time with them…. They suffer, I suffer with them…

So during times when they are not ok, neither am I…

Lo day # 127 “I’m getting divorced!” …I am too

Lo day #313 “ He cheated on me” ..I’ve just been cheated on.

Lo day #4- “My cat just died” ..shit, my cat just fucking died :(

…Even people I don’t really know

I had lunch the other day with this lovely woman and I had only met her once before then… briefly.

It wasn’t long before a lot was being shared with me..and I didn’t mind. I am more than used to it. I find it very human and endearing.

So now, it’s hit me..I’m 29 and have gone through a ton of divorce, deception, cheating, child custody battles, cheating agaaaaiin, death, more break ups and betrayal… oh did I mention none of this is happening to me? But it is…I never leave my friends hanging. Even those I have grown distant from. If they ever needed me, they know they could call me for anything….and it doesn’t need to be said..they just know.

I just feel..exhausted and it’s ok to feel that way..I’d think at some point most in my position would feel drained on occasion..I hope my friends reading this, don’t stop coming to me though. I’d rather help them, in any way, then have them feel they are going through anything alone, or feel they can’t tell me something.

I am your confidant. If you’re reading this and thinking “she’s not talking about me, I don’t know this girl” ohhh but I am…. Let’s go have lunch and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Reading, this you might think me being a “therapist” is a way for me to feel needed..that’s not it..but I will say this.. it is an awesome feeling to be trusted..ESPECIALLY  when we live in a world where MOST cannot be…and it’s more so that I love helping people.  I love to see them smile, I love spreading positivity and I guess that stems from the happiness within me. I want people to feel what I feel so I try to share with them how I feel it’d be best to get there. Everyone’s path is different of course, I am not the end all to finding your happiness. I’m not Buddha; don’t try to be.

I just know that being happy feels GOOOOOOD so if a few words I say, or you telling me a secret or two makes you feel happier, even AFTER I’ve told you like it is.. then my work is done.

I go through struggles and trials too of course too (that’s why I’m writing!).. I just know that I CHOOSE for my time in misery or sadness to be brief.

So see what I’m saying. I know if this really was my profession, I’d have to not get emotionally involved but when it comes to friends and family…you’re damn right I do. You hurt someone I care about, you hurt me.

My family has joked and called me the “glue” a couple of times..but luckily that one hasn’t stuck (padum bum) :-P …I am the one they call when they need advice for anything…the adults, the kids, everyone. They.call.me.

When it comes to guys, I have seen emotions from them you would never think are possible…but they are. I’ve witnessed them!

I’m the girl that can keep your dirty little secrets. I know things that I swear could bring SEVERAL relationships burning to the ground but I’ll never tell.

When people say “If you need anything, let me know” but don’t really mean it..I do. I found that over my move..there were some serious offers to help me pack…but there were some you could tell were not sincere as it came with a ” I can help you but…”

That’s not me..No, when I say if you need me, I REALLY will be there..if you need me to drive somewhere because you are sick..I REALLY will go there.

Don’t get me confused with a rescuer…if after I’ve given you the same advice and you keep doing the same shit..there is a point I will cut you off. You can’t help someone that really doesn’t deep down want to be helped or even want to help themselves.

Sooo, I am good at being there for others..here’s the flipside… I don’t go to people when I need help. I am way stubborn..like really. My move would have been 10x easier if I would have just accepted help. Even though I hired a moving company..it was still stressful.  I admit I am stubborn and luckily having some amazing friends, they know when to just force their way into my home to help me against my wishes ;) (I love you guys and would give a kidney if you needed it!) :-)

I guess I just feel when they come to visit, I want them to relax, and not have to worry about working.

I like to do everything on my own. Very rarely do I vent about issues I may have. I sort of suffer quietly…and then come out to play when I’m ready..I know that sounds terrible. “Who’s there to save the hero after she saves the world?” Very true.. I don’t know..and I know that’s something I need to work on..I guess I usually don’t say anything because it doesn’t last very long….

I do vent though..my friends can attest to that. It’s just that when there is an issue, I try to deal and move on without bringing the world down with me…I love myself too much not to be myself for too long if that makes sense. In other words, I choose happiness over sadness and on the rare occasion I do have a “breakdown” I embrace it, cry it out, whatever, and go back to normal soon.   I’m resilient that way, and too fly to be depressed! ;)

So for now, I’m worn out. Too many projects, too many social activities, too many of… everything.

I have decided to back away for a bit..from social events, gatherings etc, just to regroup. I have told my friends I will come back and emerge a better friend, a better daughter, sister etc….they deserve that..and most importantly, I DESERVE IT.

I’m not going to stop communicating with the world..just the group functions. I just need to be around my close friends for now..the ones who without making me talk about anything….just…get it.

Thinking of taking a trip to a resort somewhere in the next month maybe..no technology..just peace, quiet, and me..

I just need some time, to take care of me, settle in my new place and settle my restless soul a bit…

It’s like LoLo 7…and it was MY idea.

Posted in dating stories

Going Downtown…FOR REAL!

May 31st, 2010 . 2 Comments »

Update for my readers: Not that any of you are wondering :-D but I’m moving DOWNTOWN..now I can really sing: “Downtown, things will be great when you’re Downtown!” Can you picture me shouting it from my window?? I promise I’ll do it too.

Looking forward to new adventures and hopefully not running into too much douchebaggery as I hear there’s an abundance of that downtown..but in reality, that’s just everywhere and if I do run into it, I can just write about it:)

I will be able to walk to EVERYTHING! I always thought if I were to move downtown I would want to live right in the Gaslamp

I’m excited for new beginnings,not like it was a far move or anything but still I’m excited. What I I think I will like about renting is that you aren’t attached to anything..you can literally get up and move wherever you want! I plan on taking these next few months to figure out if my adventures will keep me here in San Diego or will take me elsewhere.. New York? Maybe… those who know me well know, when I really want something I go for it and get it. I’m not sure I’m done with San Diego yet though, this city is too beautiful.

Some of my friends have said I should consider blogging more about my life in general as opposed to just dating… but I’m not sure.  I’m going to try one post maybe..

I’ve got a few more posts I’m finishing up and will try and get them up today or whenever I feel like ok!?

It’s awesome to find that people like my blog and actually give a shit about what I have to say. I love you for that. Thank you for the wonderful comments I get here,on my fan page, and even in person…you guys are awesome. If I could take each of you out for drinks I would (I’ll work on it:))

For now….

If you missed my post about going Downtown check it out ..oh and I’m not talking about Downtown San Diego in this post! Lol!

Posted in advice, single men, single women

What Happened to Mr. Perfect?

May 29th, 2010 . 2 Comments »

So, I’ve been asked: “What happened to this guy ?” “Mr. Perfect” “Mr. Wonderful”…..

….The perfect date(s), great conversation and someone actually interested in getting to know about ME.  That’s a first…and as time passes, I have to say, it’s still only been that way with him…. a rare find indeed!

He is the guy I am talking about when I say: “Not all guys are douchebags”

So what the fuck is the problem then?

Chemistry. We found we just haven’t been able to get on that level to take it beyond a friendship.

The upside to that and what makes him even more great is that we were able to talk about it. He said that sometimes you have to work on it. Often times when you have the instant fireworks, that spark soon fades.

I like that answer. He is patient and so am I,  so we’ve decided that for now, we will just play it by ear with no pressure.

I’m not giving up on him yet…or should I say, I am ecstatic that he hasn’t given up on me. Being that I am so selective about who I spend time with and so is he; actually if it’s possible I think he might be pickier than I am:), I am flattered and honored that he thinks I’m something special. I don’t want to ignore that and don’t want to let that go.

I think he is something pretty damn great too….but I want to tell you all a little secret: He’s NOT perfect:)..he knows that though, and admits it.  He’s a humble guy and that just adds to his charm.

So who knows. Maybe the chemistry doesn’t have to be automatic? It doesn’t always have to be Hollywood right?

We seem to have everything else down…

It seems as I have described the perfect guy, my blog turned into some sort of match making service, and rightfully so. He’s a fantastic person… I’m surprised I haven’t heard from anyone sooner. I also, have no doubt, he has many women friends that are just waiting for him to see them other than just a friend.

I received a comment from a woman asking me to pass on her email address to him so they could possibly start dating. Am I going to do it?…..Yes, I am going to pass on the information on to him….Why?…because, who am I to say they wouldn’t be a perfect fit?  I would not be so selfish to stop someone from the possibility of being happy.

Wow, with all all of these wonderful things I’m saying about him, I better be careful or I might just get more requests to get hooked up with him!

I think I still might have a chance with him though….something tells me he’s curious to see what will happen with us too.

I could be wrong…but again, we communicate very well so he would tell me if that was the case.

Will we find the chemistry we need to get this thing off the ground? Or will it be that someone else will swoop him up before then?

I don’t have the answer to that. When chemistry is lacking, you can’t force it and we aren’t going to. We may just need more time with each other and I am ok with that!

Even though this isn’t Hollywood,maybe…even if it takes some work, this could be the stuff that turns into not just a Hollywood movie, but a timeless classic.

Posted in dating stories

Like a Fish Out of Water

May 28th, 2010 . 6 Comments »

Ever get the feeling like you are somewhere you don’t belong??

I’ve started to feel that way about the dating scene in California… though I don’t know anything else. I have never lived outside of California.

I have a girlfriend who always says “California boys don’t know how to treat a lady. California boys are jerks”

I would always tell her that I didn’t understand what she was saying, but I think I’m beginning to see what she is talking about.

How is it that I have lived in California my whole life but can feel so out of place with the guys here?

San Diego is the only place I’ve ever really dated since I moved here shortly after the Air Force.  So you would think I’d be used to the laid back mentality..but somehow,I find myself thinking sometimes:”What am I doing here? Why do all of the guys seem to be the same? This isn’t it, right?”

Well in my five years of living here, I have found my experience to be that yes, many..NOT ALL, but many are the same.  There is a lack of chivalry, originality, and all in all, what I’ve experienced, is that very few care to make an effort on any level at all.

What happened to courtship? Now guys just want to “hang out” Does no one want to go on dates anymore?

It doesn’t have to be this awesome but a little effort would be nice.

It seems to have become the typical thing now for guys to just want to hang at your place or theirs without even investing anytime in a date. I get that you can’t go on dates all of the time…and when you are with the right company…a movie at home can be the best date ever..but before even date number 1?

Is it the so-cal mentality?  The flip flops with jeans kind of, “yeah bro, so gnarly,let’s smoke a bowl,surf, and live off unemployment for a while” kind of attitude.  I have to say, even with women. I have a hard time meeting women with any kind of goals for themselves and it overall makes it hard to make friends. I am selective about the company I choose and when many of the girls my age just want to party, I wonder if I’m part of only a handful of women who strive for greatness and success..in ANY form. So many ladies spend their last dime on the hottest clothes just to look good enough to snag a guy with money without any care to try and make money on their own…

I’ve never gotten used to it.

Commitment…or lack thereof:

Is there a lack of people wanting to commit because they feel they may find something better?

“The Grass is Greener” Mentality

It’s no secret that you may have a gorgeous girlfriend but you will ALWAYS find someone hotter….trust me. So at what point do we grow up and say: “Looks aren’t everything” and actually take the time to get to know people on a deeper level? I know attraction is a must, but what about when you find someone you are attracted to, are you still looking for something better? Are there so many pretty girls in San Diego that guys feel no real effort has to be made because if she doesn’t like it…there’s a girl around the corner that will?

Why enter into a relationship then? If you are thinking of someone else, why even be with someone? It’s not a good feeling to be the “in the meantime” person.

If it’s not laziness in life or in courtship…..there are TONS o f posers. The guys that hang out downtown and act like they have money, when they have none:

When the song “Gold Digger” came out, and the part where it says “we want pre-nup” you would hear a lot of the guys at the club yell that in unison.. but come on dude, don’t lie…we know you don’t have any money.

So here is what I have found and what I find I need over my years in “Singledom” here in San Diego…

I need a guy with ambition and drive. I need their hustle to match my hustle.

How is that I have accomplished what I have and you on the other hand haven’t done much… oh and you’re pushing 40? Nice.

Guys I have met that are nice and have things going for them, I’m not attracted to…so I try to find the physical attraction because their hearts are so good… but let’s be real. Guys can say they will be your friend when in fact, they do not want to just be your friend. …well there goes that…I move on.

Guys I’ve been attracted to, have nothing going for them, or don’t treat me the way I should be treated which in turn, turns me off …I again, move on.

I’m beginning to wonder.

I’ve heard I’m picky but the truth is…. I am not asking for a lot. These are things I’d like to find in a person, and I’d think most would agree, these are basic things..or am I just completely wrong?

I need romance. I need to feel desired, I know how to make a man feel that way.  I need a guy with a sense of humor..I laugh A LOT. He should probably understand that I will be the funnier one out of the two of us but that’s just the way it’s going to be ;)

Spontaneous. Though I work hard, I know how to play even harder and have no problem taking off at the drop of a dime to take a road trip somewhere. Life is too short. You can still be on a mission and have time to stop and smell the roses.

He needs to be a very sexual person. I have that to offer to a man . He needs to be faithful. I have never cheated. I strongly believe in breaking it off with someone before it goes there and maybe that’s because I have seen infidelity all around me.  I have seen the supposed “nicest guy ever” cheat..it’s disgusting, so I refuse to put anyone through that. I would hope someone would have the same kind of respect for me.

Sometimes people cheat because they are so scared to be alone that they’d rather just cheat and hope they don’t get caught because at the end of the day, they are still with someone…what I have learned from that is…THEY ALWAYS GET CAUGHT….ALWAYS. Are you listening guys? If you are cheating, and haven’t been caught yet, you should start getting scared right about…now…and women too, don’t think you are in the clear here..oh yeah, your day is coming if it hasn’t already.

Though I have been exposed to the world of cheating and immature boys ..I’m not bitter, because I do in fact know they aren’t all like that and know not to mistreat someone because of a past heartbreak.  It saddens me when I hear women punishing their current or future relationships because of what’s happened in their past. Men do this too, I just find women vent about it (to me) a lot more.

Everyday I’m hustlin….

The guy I am going to be with needs to be supportive of every dream. Be it silly or not.

I like to use the analogy: If I say “I want to be the best burger flipper in the world! He better say “Let’s go to Costco buy you hamburger patties in bulk and find you the best spatula in the whole place!”

You know what? All of this may sound silly and like it’s a lot but that’s because I can offer that to someone as well. I am not asking for anything in anyone that I do not have in me. I know how to treat a man like a King..but because he will deserve it, not because I have to.

Issues much?

No, I don’t have major issues. In fact, I’d like to say I’m pretty normal..though I’m not boring..I’m unique. I’ve heard “I have never met anyone like you” and the fact of the matter is, you won’t. I can hang with the guys and often times drink them under the table ;) and I can be with the girls… Just don’t ask me to go shopping…I am NOT  a shopper.

I know I am not the easiest girl to handle… I’ve been close to getting in relationships..but when it’s time to start sharing my space..I don’t handle that well. When they want to start staying over, using my shower etc, my first thoughts have been: “Umm, don’t you have to go home or something?” I do feel however that when you are with the right person, all of that stuff will fall into place, so I don’t question my behavior too much.

You know what I see though? A lot of guys LOVE drama. yeah..I said it. They love the girl with issues, and sometimes, you’d be surprised that they find women like their mothers. Finding a girl with major issues can make a man feel needed and for the “rescuer” types though every other day they want to kill each other, they will stick around because they feel needed, and fighting and going through drama makes it all feel normal for them.

Sorry to disappoint you guys. I don’t have “Daddy issues” In fact, I have a very loving Father, and Step Father, and loving Mom and Step Mom. Though, in my family we have our days…(who’s family doesn’t) overall, I can say my family is a loving one.

I am stubborn though…and sassy sometimes..but those things don’t outweigh my “Awesome” :) I can honestly say that. I am a happy girl, love being that way, and love making people happy.

“I’m like a diamond with many facets, which make me shine bright…brighter than the brightest star”

Yup, I came up with that one! :-D

So I hear constantly  “Don’t worry, it will happen when you are not looking, or maybe you haven’t really been open enough” Ok, well as of now, open or not open enough…. I haven’t even had the option of a relationship presented to me!

When I hear about the horror stories, it makes me think I should really consider staying single for good…which may not be a bad thing because you are never really lonely if you enjoy the company you’re with.

Can we have it all? The chemistry, and the guy that doesn’t make us cry, that doesn’t hurt us, but has ambition, and goals in life?

This isn’t about perfection.  There is no such thing.  It’s about finding perfection in someones imperfections.

There is a key word…that I believe people say often but don’t put into practice:COMPROMISE!

Ok, so you are a guy who has no idea how to be romantic…the effort alone would be appreciated. Ladies, make an effort to take interest in his interests as well. That will create more bonding time with you both…

As long as you don’t lose yourself in the process you’re all good.

I always say,”Be the person you’d want to be with in a relationship” Treat them as you’d like to be treated..but if even just on a date. Be kind, be interesting, sound interested and put forth an EFFORT! Make her feel special.

Maybe it’s time I consider moving to the East Coast or something? Or should I be the one to adjust, pick up the bong and stop striving for success?

Posted in dating stories

It’s My Vag in a Box!

April 22nd, 2010 . 5 Comments »

Sometime in January, I was waiting for one of my new cook books from amazon.com to arrive.

Finally, one day, the UPS guy rings my doorbell. I ran downstairs.  I knew what he had for me…. I had been waiting for it, and couldn’t wait to try out new recipes on unsuspecting victims… a.k.a. “my friends.”

I grabbed the box, and proceed to tear through it.  I was anxious..and hungry.

I suddenly went from hungry to confused… What is this? What does it say? Is this some fancy new recipe sample or something? All I saw at first was that it said “Do-It-Yourself Molding Kit” What? Is this for cake? No,that’s not what it said….and that’s not what it was for.  My UPS guy had just delivered to me, one of THESE fancy devices:

What the F!? I didn’t know what to do except laugh in confusion, then send all of my friends a picture of it of course.

Who would send this to me? Could not be anyone I had recently dated, well   because I hadn’t dated anyone recently lol.

If that was a gift, it would have to be from someone who knew me…WELL. Not anyone I could think of.

I asked some friends what they thought… “Well, guess the word is out that you’re a freak and would appreciate something like this!” One of my girlfriends said: “Haha! They thought it was so good they want you to make another one!”

They? Who’s they? I’m very selective about who I’m intimate with and only a select few have seen THAT side of me..

I don’t let my “freak flag fly” if you will …

Must be a joke…….

Or a mistake. I took out the packing slip.

Well, there was no need to spend $50 on a joke.

The “To” info was me…and the “From” info was also Me.

So I called and spoke to their customer service.

“Hi, I received this umm, gift from you guys but I didn’t order this. It has my information on the to and from info.”

Her: “Ok Ma’am, well it is possible that someone sent you an anonymous gift, then the to and from info would be the same”

Me: “Wrong address maybe?”

Her: “Well if they did put the wrong address, it was placed 3 times incorrectly, and it still matches your name”

Me: “Ok, well the credit card info must be different unless someone used my credit card info?”

They used a Visa. Mine was a Mastercard.

Me: “Well the billing info must be different..it has to match the credit card in order for the transaction to go through?”

Her: “No Ma’am, it doesn’t”

Me: “So you have NO other info whatsoever, on who might have sent this to me? Umm, do you know WHAT the gift is?”

Her: “Hahaaaa, yes Ma’am, I can see the order on the screen. It is so strange that we have no other info, it looks like you got an anonymous gift!”

Me: “It is strange! If someone is going to send me something…they should at least send me something I can use!”

Well she was no help. I thought to just return it.

I figured, I didn’t want it…it never occurred to me to just throw it away….or try to see if they’d let me exchange it for something else at least!

I was leaving to New York for trip #2  in 2 days and my parents were coming to stay at my house while I was gone…I had to hide the thing.  It came in this over-sized box!

I could see it now..with my luck my Dad would find it: “Mija, what ees thees thing here? I’m gonna tell ju Mom what I find here and she gonna wheep ju butt”

I had to hide it somewhere they wouldn’t think to look. So I hid it under a huge old pile of clothes I was getting ready to give to goodwill….then took that pile and put it in the guest bedroom in the closet, and then put, 2 suitcases and boxes around it. Inconspicuous enough?

I would figure out what to do with it when I got home.

Well, I forgot all about it….

I just came across it today, as I was organizing things in my closet.

I personally think this thing was sent to me by mistake…and somewhere, someone’s  wondering “What in the World happened to my Clone-A-Vagina?!!!”

Should I keep it? Where though? My “goody” drawer is already overstuffed. Is this something I could put in a safety deposit box?

Maybe I will use it someday for a boyfriend? Like if he travels a lot, I can say “Oh don’t forget the portable vag?” Yes? Or wait for a special occasion like our anniversary or  a Christmas gift , and put it in a nice box with big bows.

Seems easy enough to do…

“1. Cut a whole in the box”

“2. put my vag in that box”

“3. Let him open the box”

“And that’s the way you do it!”

Posted in dating stories

“Just When I Thought I Was Out…They Pull Me Back In”

April 13th, 2010 . 5 Comments »

What do you do when the past comes back to haunt you in the form of an email?

How do you react? Do ladies remain ladies… gentlemen, gentlemen, or do you fly off the handle?

In my short year(s) of writing my blog, I have not written about my past. Why?…because I always believe in pushing forward and not looking back to dwell on the past. Some say it’s important to acknowledge the past in order to move forward but I think I’ve done that…on several occasions on my own, so no need to blog about it…

So when I get an email from my exes current girlfriend (yes I have been in relationships before surprise,surprise!) asking me to call her because she wanted to talk to me  and  from my blog (and yes, she found my blog as well, and am sure she is reading this now) said I seem like an amazing person… she failed to mention gorgeous and hilaaarious but I let it slide ;) ….

I didn’t know how to react.

She had found an email between my ex and I…you know, THEE EX. Your first love. Everyone has one.This was mine, the guy I had been on and off with for 8 years.

It was this looong, drawn out emotional bullshit email I wrote him about how I wish we didn’t break up, and how my heart was on fire for him..yada yada yada..oh man I was embarrassed when I read that…I just kept thinking…I said ALL that? What a looooser! Haha! Well I was young…not even 23 yet.

In the midst of this girls nerve racking discovery, as I’m sure at this point she’s thinking, “here is this girl writing my boyfriend professing her undying love for him”….she fails to realize, that email was from 2003.

So as I’m reading this email she writes: “I need to know what’s going on here” I was thinking “umm, what was going on in 2003?, a lot….”

But she said something to me in the first email she sent me…something that I believe when many women hear it…it’s like a call to arms or something..like all of a sudden you are supposed to run to protect your fellow sister.

She didn’t just say “I need to know what’s going on here, she said “WOMAN TO WOMAN I need to know what’s going on here”..hmm, now I need to respond to her right? It’s my womanly duty to respond to her now that she’s said “woman to woman!”

Whoa, so what is it with that phrase? “Woman to woman”?.. it’s like girl code or something? Like in a war zone, when the phrase is spoken and then heard, the barrier walls come down, the white flags are thrown in, now everyone’s neutral, and we can hold hands sing “tra la la” and do some dumb shit like…sew?

If you have forgotten or have never heard of “The Girl Code” Here it is because as it says “Sometimes we need a little reminder”

Well come on..how much was she following the girl code…she clearly already broke the 4th rule down ;)

I actually had heard the phrase “woman to woman” a few weeks ago…

I was approached by some crazy girl who stalked me at a bar and confronted me because she thought I knew something about her ex boyfriend. This fatal attraction having, boil your bunny in a pot wackadoo said the same thing: “Woman to woman tell me the truth!”

Take it easy Glen Close. I don’t know you, don’t know anything about what you are talking about so vamoose!

This girl didn’t seem crazy…at least to my exes credit he wouldn’t date  someone with these kinds of issues…I’d hope…and truthfully, I know nothing about her other than she seemed anxious to get answers and was hoping I could help her.

I didn’t know what to think. She was clearly confused…and now so was I… Do I call her? Especially when she said “I have a lot to say to you”

What could she possibly have to say to me? I felt like we reverted back to high school all of a sudden. Except in highschool, I wasn’t even exposed to this kind of drama. For a second I thought she was going to say “meet me in the back parking lot after school” but she was cordial in her email so it crossed my mind for a second to call her as I had nothing to hide.

But where do the lines of loyalty lie?

Here I have my ex who was in my life for 10 years…am I now supposed to go above all of our history, our extremely strong friendship, us going through some extremely difficult life situations with eachother, which then brought us even closer together, me being extremely close with his family, to help a fellow woman in need?

No?

My loyalty should be to him then?

But she said it.. she said “woman to woman” and the girl was hurting big time…As a woman shouldn’t I reach out and try to help her, and by me not responding does that make me less of a woman?

Well no…

I chose not to respond to her…and it took me all of about 5 minutes to figure that out. Their drama is their drama and really, it has nothing to do with me. From the sounds of things…the issues go far deeper than an email or emails. I didn’t need to get involved as it may have made things worse for them even though my intention would have only been to make it better. I will leave it to them, and just ask kindly to be left out of it. Kudos to me and in fact I think by me not responding, that makes me twice the awesome woman…maybe even three times :)

She sent a follow up email apologizing for dragging me into it and that she could figure it all out on her own. I figure she can.

This could have all been avoided….but the ex didn’t delete the emails….. oh dear Jesus.

Are you one of those people? That keep emails, photos, etc of your previous relationships? Why? Do you want to move into a new relationship and risk the chances of them finding emails and whatever else you and your ex shared together?

I personally, get rid of everything…and I mean EVERYTHING. Why hold on the past, dwell and be sad? Not this girl. We keep it movin’ ‘round here!

Not just that though, I would never want to hurt or disrespect the next person I’m with if they should find something that I have clearly held on to. I have been that girl…have found old things that I didn’t even MEAN to find. It can be very hurtful and wouldn’t want to put someone through that…because often times, they just don’t forget what they found.

Just get rid of that stuff. I know some people keep those things to reflect or in the case they get back together…Well, if you should get back together, you can create all new memories. Don’t bet on that though.

It wasn’t the first email I wrote him or the last as we were together for 8 years, but that is not the point. He should have deleted all of that stuff. Because now, not only is his current girlfriend hurting,but now I have to rehash old shit and again, I’m all about staying positive and moving forward.

The girl seems nice, and in another life we may have been friends…but alas, we cannot. I was a lady. Kept my composure and surprisingly enough, I was never that bothered to begin with. It being her vulnerability and me being sensitive to it aka “girl code” or that I am in such a different place..I just don’t know, just not my drama to deal with..and forget “Girl Code” I’m all about the “Life Code” which tells me I do what makes me happy, and refuse to entertain what doesn’t.

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