"The Way You Look Tonight"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I’m just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. 😉

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don’t claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them…yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into “selling out” and you will not see any symptoms of “bitchassness”…on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome…all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 10

“ The way you look tonight”….doesn’t matter because you’re like my homie….

Oh silly boys, the bane of my existence…

When are we going to get it right….if you want to get anywhere with a girl, treat her like a lady!

I met what seemed to be a nice guy and when he asks me to a movie for a first date, I agree because he seemed kind of shy. I didn’t want to be in any awkward situation and have to create constant conversation, so off to a movie we go.

If you have listened to anything I have had to say, you should know this but I will say this again….the way you treat, or don’t treat a lady on the first date will determine future dates or lack their of.

Before our movie we went to Starbucks for coffee, and when we stood in line, he kind of stood back, odd but I wanted coffee so I just bought it for the both of us. I’m obviously observant but I wasn’t going to rip his head off for not buying the coffee. I did however take note.

We go watch a movie which isn’t a good first date. Why? Because you can’t talk to each other. You are literally watching a movie with a stranger and you don’t leave there knowing them any better.

After the movie, he asked me to go to dinner. Because of the choice to go to a movie for a date, I figure this might be a good way to make up for that. We get there, and we actually begin a conversation (finally) and aside from the majority of his attention on the Lakers game, it wasn’t half bad even though I noticed he was a bit quiet and I did the majority of the talking. Looking back that’s probably why I started to have a good time, because I was making myself laugh. The bill comes and I just pull my money out because I get at this point that’s just what I should do as I did pay for the coffee and I paid for my ticket to the movie. He then says “umm, I can buy this time”

“Umm, this time?” Lucky me. I got the impression, that though he paid, he totally hesitated, and if I was going to go out with him again, I had better bring my wallet.

He called me a few days later and wanted to go out again. I figure, ok, he was a nice guy, although extremely quiet, maybe he just needed to relax a bit more, and this time he would do that, and I guessed he was asking me out again so he would like to, bottom line, treat a lady to dinner. I agreed to go. We were sitting at dinner and he is quiet…I’m the one asking all of the questions and his responses to those questions….short. I had time to daydream and thought “Where is the friendly witty banter?” I even made it more awkward just to make myself laugh by adding phrases like, “soooooo,” and “anywhoooo” . I mean really, who stole your joy? Why so glum chum?

After dinner, the bill comes….he wants to split the bill. Of course! Ok, fine we split dinner. He then says: “how about we go grab some ice cream?.” He has to buy me ice cream now right? WRONG! He picked his ice cream out and wouldn’t you guess, I pay for it….wow, dude, thanks for INVITING ME to dinner….if I would have known you were going to invite me out and not pay, and then torture me with utter silence I would have gone out alone instead and had a fabulous time.

Dessert was over about 8ish and he asked if I had time to go grab a drink. I did so I agreed, I was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I know many of you might be wondering why I would continue to put myself through this but I have to spread the word about how to act and not act on a date so there are certain things I must endure….ALL IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH! He takes me to Anthology which he had been to already and so had I, which meant he knew it was a great date place (bonus points). I knew it cost to get in because they have concerts but he took me there anyway. When the guy at the door says “Hey guys it’s $18 a person tonight” …mind you, it was a live Salsa band which already sounded great…he tells the guy “$18?!! Oh nevermind” (bonus points subtracted) Did that just happen? If I was a guy, my pride alone would have paid the cover but, he chose otherwise and said “nevermind”…
I mean, I understand if it was too expensive, then don’t take me there in the first place, he was aware they charged, he had been there before..several times.

Well what can I say, my experiences at Anthology haven’t been that great I guess, the first time I go there, my date calls me by another name, and the second time, I get in the door and my date decides I’m not worth the cover charge. We walk out, and then he suggests the W Hotel. We go to the bar, and frankly, I had had it with this guy. I didn’t offer to split the drinks, or offer to pay, I ordered my drink and walked away.

He complained about how expensive they were, just about the whole time I was drinking my drink…he even mentioned possibly bringing a flask next time. I was thinking “next time, you are dead wrong Mr.” After that drink I was pretty much ready to go. Though he must have liked the drink because now he’s starting to converse with me….ok, I’m with “THAT GUY”, the guy that needs a drink to have a good time…wonderful, like I need the illusion of a good conversationalist. I just decided to indulge him a bit.

While he began creating conversation, albeit boring, but conversation nonetheless, I had a chance to dissect this date….on both dates, he hadn’t really treated me like we were on a date, and I was disappointed but then I thought wait!, if I had gone out with my girlfriends the way these two “dates” have gone, they would have gone exactly the same, we would split everything or I would get dinner and they would get next time etc….I then realized I didn’t have to be so disappointed! I was thinking cool, this guy just wants to be friends and that works for me. I was on my own date at that point anyway.
I decided I wanted another drink and I knew not to tell him that, I just got up and bought one for me and for him…although I did buy him the drink with cheap vodka and I bought myself the good stuff LOL….I wanted to have a good rest of my date…and it was up to me to do that, he sure wasn’t going to.

Well the drink starts to kick in….for him…he starts to get closer to me, puts his arm around me starts rubbing my shoulders and then I start thinking, “Well I don’t remember the last time Stacey did this???” Wait, this guy does just want to be friends right, friends don’t rub on me! He’s feeling good and even at one point during his moment of liquid courage he says: “I just can’t figure out why at 36, well almost 37 I’m still single?” I almost spit my drink out on that one.
Oh and the good times didn’t stop there…he then begins to sing to me, softly, in my ear…..
“SOME DAY WHEN YOU’RE AWFULLY LOW, I WILL FEEL A GLOW, JUST THINKING OF YOU, AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT”

Really? Now I’m annoyed because he really thinks he’s on a date…and he clearly wasn’t…..not the way he was treating me anyway.

So when he finished that line of the song I sang back to him with a verse of my own..softly in his ear as well:
“I guess it doesn’t matter how I look tonight, because you’re treating me like I’m one of your guy frieeeeends, and getting laid is not how this date will eeennnnndddd”

He didn’t like that. I did though. I went home quickly after that and haven’t gone out with him since.

After telling my girlfriend about this guy, she turns to me and says “Lori, these are tough economic times, maybe he’s on a budget?” Then he SHOULDN’T BE DATING!

*A few tips and reminders:
1.Guys: It is bad etiquette to take a lady on a date and tell her to pay for it or split the bill…don’t do it. DON’T DO IT.

2.Girls like guys with sense of humor, laugh it up! Laugh at life, laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself so seriously and look excited about what you have in your life and who you have in your life…and of course be excited that you are with her! When you have a serious face all the time, the girl is going to think you aren’t interested in her.
So you’re eyes better light up and your grill better be flashin or she’s going to move on.

I will leave you all with this, picture me singing:
“Hope these tips serve you welllllllllllll or you will end up in dating hellllll”

Xoxo
-Lo

2 comments for “"The Way You Look Tonight"

  1. Rob, Web Wizards
    June 8, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    Great blog post.

    My thoughts… First date, guy always pays. Lucky enough for a 2nd date?, guy should pay. 3rd date and beyond are based on who did the asking, how expensive/nice the restaurant is, relative income, if the girl doesn't want to feel like she owes him now, etc.

    Some girls *insist* on paying eventually, and I *insist* on saying no most of the time. Once in a while, they will invite me out, wanting to spoil me for a change, and they steal the bill and pay, and I am reluctant but agree, and then I make sure to pay for drinks, gelato, or carriage ride. 😉

    – DTR

  2. Scott
    June 28, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    Lori,

    I’m having a blast reading your posts … good laughs and so forth … but when I read some of your posts I can’t help but to think … “NO way …” I just find it hard to believe there are actually men out there like this. Please tell me you are making some of this up. Are we (men) really this bad? I hope not!!

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