Chapter 12 "Good Cop Bad Date. Assault with a deadly tongue..ouch!"



The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I’m just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. 😉

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I don’t claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them…yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into “selling out” and you will not see any symptoms of “bitchassness”…on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome…all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 12

“Step back from the girl and put the tongue away!” A kiss should not be with a stabbing tongue!
That’s the only thing I thought after this boy kissed me. Why did my friend try and set me up…. again?

I get a text from my girlfriend:
Her: “Hey girl, seeing anyone? I got this great guy for you”
Me: “I don’t think so girl, we’ve tried this once before remember?”
Her: “I know but I swear, he’s cute and nice and funny, and he’s a cop”
I was hesitant at first because no offense to those in uniform, but they tend to have major egos. My brother-in-law is a prime example of that. He’s a firefighter and there are literally a dozen pictures at my sisters house of him in action…in the living room alone.
Me: “Hmm, sounds like an ego”
Her: “No girl, I swear he’s super nice”
Me : “ok I guess”

What’s the harm in it….right?

The back story to this is that this friend of mine has tried to hook me up before….long story short, the guy cut his hair for me because she told him I wasn’t interested in him because he had long hair…she failed to mention to him that I just wasn’t interested in him as a whole.
One evening while I’m at dinner with her and her husband, he walks in. She had invited him to join us which I was not aware of. So in walks this guy with now…short hair.
I asked him why he cut it and he said, “Because she said you didn’t like long hair”…Poor guy. I hated to have to explain the reality of things but she was the one who told him his hair was the problem and I had to straighten it all out now.

Back to this disaster….
She gives him my number. We set up the date.

This could have given me an indication that he was too needy. Before we went out on date 1, he text the following: “I’m excited for tonight”
Me: “Yeah, me too, should be fun!
Him: “Awww I think you meant “It WILL be right?:(”
(Ok yeah whatever you say dude, will be)

He seemed a bit insecure…he called several times before the date to make sure I was ok with the location, and the time…and the location, and the time…and the (well you get the picture) my responses of “that sounds perfect” were not good enough I guess?

So he comes to pick me up….and I immediately realize, I’m not physically attracted to this guy. Oh well, fuck it, I’m going to be with him for several hours so I’m just going to get to know him a bit and enjoy the evening.

One thing to know about me…I am never rude on a date. I will, no doubt, have a great time, unless you are a complete dick. I know how to laugh, how to make people laugh and how to engage in conversation. So, yes it’s safe to say date #1 will always go well unless again, the aforementioned happens. I find people and their stories interesting so it’s not too difficult for me to have a good time. As well as the fact that those that know me well, know I often make myself laugh so I’m usually smiling and laughing no matter where I am or who I am with.

I can see how it would look like I’m attracted to them when in fact I’m not.

There is in fact a difference though in how I act when I do like someone. When I like them, I am touchy with them…and flirty with them. Not overtly so but there is a difference.
Ok, so we are laughing and talking. He took me to have drinks at Altitude which is a great spot for an incredible view of San Diego. Then dinner in Coronado on the Water which he says he took me to because he was listening to me during conversation and remembered that I enjoy outdoor dining and just anything near the water.

Looking back on this date, it’s funny now, that I say he was “listening” to me because the way the rest of this thing played out, it’s like he never listened at all.

So he brings me home from date #1. I had fun, but was still not attracted. He insisted on walking me to my door. I felt it coming, I knew he was going to kiss me and I didn’t want him to.

He was a nice guy and as I have said before looks aren’t everything but as I have referenced in other blogs, one thing I can’t physically get past is…teeth. Just remember my motto: “White is right,” “Yellow will not bring a kiss to a fellow”

His teeth were bad. Guys it’s not hard, get some white strips..make em shine!

As I walk in my door he goes in for the kiss. I didn’t want it but for a second thought, maybe the kiss will put me past my lack of attraction towards him….

Well, not so much.
He stabbed and jabbed with that tongue…like he was trying to subdue a fleeing suspect. I pulled away immediately! Whoa, isn’t the motto “To Protect and Serve not “To Penetrate and Sever” Jeez, for fucks sake!! I quickly said “okiiie dokiiiie, goodnight”

He had a few drinks so out of friendly concern told him to text me when he got home so I know he was home safe. The phone rang soon after. I figured he was calling to tell me he got home safely.

Instead, he proceeded to have a conversation with me about how much fun he had. Not a bad thing but it was close to 2 am and I wanted to get to bed.

Day after date #1, he called to ask me out again; called me several times that day in fact. He also text: “Had an amazing time last night, did you?”
Me: “Yeah I had a good time, thank you again so much for everything”
Him: “Awww you mean you had a great time right?:(”

I should have sensed I had another whiny cry baby biatch on my hands. But you always give the benefit of the doubt no? Or am I the only one?

I thought it might be a problem but he seemed nice so I thought maybe if I hung out with him again today, I would feel a spark…………………………………………………..
Nope, nothing. He even brought me a dozen beautiful red roses.

He took me to dinner in Little Italy. I was laughing and engaging with him still….Maybe we could at least have a friendship?
Not so much…he began making all these plans with me… Cop ride along (wow, fun I thought, maybe I can help him arrest some crack heads) But I had to remember that I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t want to lead him on. I thought maybe he would pick up on that but would still want to hang out. He invited me to a Padre Game and a Chargers Game that week. Right then, I thought ok, maybe this “he will be my friend” thing isn’t going to work. He clearly wanted more.

Dinner was over. I was ready to go home as I had to be at work early the next day so getting home by 8 pm sounded perfect to me. We walk out of the restaurant and I see a Silver Audi parked in front. Holy shit, it was my friend’s car. The girl who hooked me up with this guy was in Little Italy. She lived in the area but what are the chances of us running into her right then….

I kept trying to avoid my girlfriend and her conversation at all costs because she would ask a million and one questions and exclaim her disappoint in me for me not being interested and ruining her fantasy of her hubby and her having couples night with him and I and doing cheesy things like playing card games and shit. Whatevs. There are a ton of Audis Downtown but she has a personalized license plate. Well lo and behold, it’s her car. My heart starts racing because now, now she’s going to think “It’s clearly working out! Hoooray!” Well I tried to walk fast but ran into her husband who was sitting outside at Princess Pub. Then she comes over. She was surprised and aside from her sheer excitement that we were together, we ended up all having a great time. We all laughed had a few drinks and my attempt to get home at 8 changed to closer to midnight. Time flies when you’re having fun.

As we are leaving he starts to apologize “I feel really bad, I’m sorry for keeping you out later than you wanted”
Me: “oh gosh no, I had so much fun. My cheeks are hurting from all the laughing”
2 minutes later: “I feel really bad, I hope you aren’t mad at me”
Me: “Not at all. Listen if I am having a bad time, I will be clear about it. I was having a great time. It was unexpected fun.”
He kept apologizing on the way to my house. I got it then…. This fool DOES NOT listen.

I am getting pissed now. Last time I checked I can take care of myself and would appreciate if you don’t baby me like you forced me to stay out later than I wanted.

I get home and he again insisted he walk me to the door. I didn’t want him to because I knew he was going to try and kiss me again. He had been drinking so again I said: “Text me when you get home so I know you’re cool”

We are at my door I walk in and stood far from him.

He wanted to kiss me and proceeds to gesture me towards him (as I am now standing about 5 feet from him) with literally the wave that cops do while directing traffic…and says: “Come here” I didn’t.
If I’m far from you, (and you are not smooth) doing a traffic directional cop wave “come here” will unfortunately not turn me on. He really did that…with both hands in fact! It looked like a sort of mix between traffic directing cop and a mob boss: Can you picture it? “Come ova heaaah” I was frightened and amused at the same time because now in a matter of seconds I had pictured him saying “come ova heeahh” just like that. I guess he didn’t pick up that me standing far from him to begin with, was probably a good indication that I didn’t want a kiss.

I usually love it when a guy kisses me and holds my face but as I clearly resisted, he ended up just smashing my cheeks together. At one point…I’m sure the look on my face was that a fish.

He came to me and tried to kiss me again. I kept my lips tight this time. Though he tried to stick that jabbing tongue in there, I kept my mouth closed. When he finally left I checked for stab wounds…nope all clear. Whew!

So I wash up and get ready for bed.

Not more than 30 minutes later my phone rings. Surprise, surprise, it’s him. I didn’t answer. I thought, he would just leave a message telling me he’s home safe.
He left a Voicemail:“Hey it’s me, give me a call when you get a chance”
(Ummm, I have to be at work in a few hours what would we have to discuss right now?)

*Now, there are 2 extremes: When a boy doesn’t call you or text, that’s of course bad. But when they are calling you 10 + times a day, that’s far worse. There’s a balance!*

12:07 text message: “Tried calling you, you didn’t answer :(” (I did not respond)
12:10 Another call.
12:14 Another text: “Hope you’re not mad at me for keeping you out too late” (he really didn’t hear me did he?)
12:28 Phone call. Another voicemail: “Hope you’re not mad at me”
1:15 Another text: “I hope you’re not made at me :(”(now I’m pissed because he’s woken me up and I have the new iphone so I didn’t know how to turn the ringer off without shutting my alarm off.)
1:20 Text: “You’re probably mad :(” (oh yeah, now I am!)
No texts after that…..I finally drift off back to sleep
6:50 am (I’m barely walking into work.) “Hope you’re not too tired:(”
7:01 am No response from me yet, but I got a call from him. I didn’t answer
8:10 Text: “How’s your day? Can you talk, hope you’re not mad at me”
8:10 Me: “I’m fine, and I kept telling you I was fine. I’m not mad”
8:11 Text from him: “Whew, I was worried”
He proceeds to text me several more times throughout the day with details of what he was up to. I didn’t respond.
I got off of work at 3pm. He calls me no joke at 3:15.
Leaves a voicemail: “Hope you’re day wasn’t too brutal. Call me when you can.”
I did not call him back.
I got a text from him. You busy? “Wanted to see if you would be up for catching a movie.” (didn’t I just see you!?) two days in a row in fact.
Me: “Going to LA but thanks.”
I had to turn off my phone for a while because I thought he would call back…soon.
2 hours later, I turn it on to find a text from him “You aren’t answering but I wanted to tell you I bought you that CD from that band you like” (After I told him I already downloaded it)
It was nice of him but I didn’t respond. I needed a break from the torment of the ringing phone and my text alerts going off.

(oh and yes, he DID in fact put all of those sad faces, I have saved all the texts in case I am in need of a good laugh…or I need them for evidence)

“He’s creeping me out!” I thought…

I needed to put a stop to this…immediately!

I go to LA to see a friend and she gets terrible reception in her apartment. She had advised me to just text him and not wait until I spoke with him to get rid of him. As tacky as it was, she had said his needy behavior would probably come out over the phone call, and the fact that he didn’t listen to anything I said before, he would probably just argue with me. So texting was the best solution. It was best to do it quickly because the plans he was making were coming up fast.

So in a text I sent:

“I hate to do this over text, I know how tacky that is, but my girlfriend gets next to no reception in her apartment. I think you’re great but all of this is too much too soon and I don’t think I felt the connection you felt. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible because I know you had all of these plans in mind and I didn’t want to lead you on. Thank you so much for everything though. Take care”

I turned off my phone fearing he would call immediately with need to discuss my want for a divorce.

I drive back to San Diego and I turn my phone back on. I had 5 text messages from him:
“Too much too soon? I had a few things planned, that’s it.”

That wasn’t what I meant. His fucking overkill on the phone and text is what I meant.

Another text: “I get that you’re not interested. I understand”
Another text: “I thought you were interested, but I get it, sorry if I did anything wrong”
Another text: “I was just trying to show you a good time. I figured you had a lousy time the other night”
I wanted to respond and set him straight but I thought it best not too. It’s not typical of me but I got the feeling this guy wouldn’t let up.

He text me that night at 10pm. I was already sleeping. The next day while I was in the shower, he called. I go to check and he left a voicemail:
“Wanted to discuss your text. If you don’t call me back, this is the last phone call or text you will get from me.”

I guess he couldn’t wait for me to call back because right then, I got a text from him:

“I just tried calling you to discuss your text and where we are at but you didn’t answer. FYI-You are tacky and I am bummed about the whole thing. Good luck in life. You are a smart girl and I know you will succeed in whatever you do.”

Did he just contradict himself? Oh hell, whatever. I didn’t respond. I began to, then changed my mind…it would just never end, and I would then seem more tacky to him…and…

Haven’t heard back from him. Hope that’s all over with.

I met up with my girlfriend for lunch to tell her politely to stick to her day job. She agreed.
She then told me he called her to whine to her about how it didn’t work out with us…
Why he did this I don’t know…it’s like he was telling on me. He told her, he was too nice to me and should have been an asshole, then maybe I would have liked him.

Yeah dude, whatever makes you feel better.

*Don’t do that. Don’t involve others that way. Just do yourself a favor..MAN THE FUCK UP, stop crying and move on!”

4 comments for “Chapter 12 "Good Cop Bad Date. Assault with a deadly tongue..ouch!"

  1. Don Guitar
    September 7, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    The man is challenged by an overactive ego and the inability to acknowledge that people dislike him because of who he is rather than how they are.

    Now that I'm sixty I finally realize what people mean when they say they've 'paid their dues'. It means yes, they have dated but now they're old enough, smart enough and happy enough to avoid doing it again.

    So, I feel for you but I've paid my dues. G'luck 🙂

  2. sdsinglegirl
    September 8, 2009 at 9:47 am

    So are you saying I should date a 60 year old? Lol 🙂 Thanks for the feedback!

  3. stevenolli
    January 18, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    So you're saying I shouldn't text a girl I've been on one date with 17 times next day? Ohhhhh….THAT'S what I'm doing wrong.
    What are your thoughts on collecting her hair on the first date to make a hair doll? Should I stop doing that too?

  4. January 29, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    Lol..yes Steve. please stop this. ;p

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