Chapter 13. Everything in New York Isn’t Always What It Seems….

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.

Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I’m just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. 😉

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I don’t claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them…yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into “selling out” and you will not see any symptoms of “bitchassness”…on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome…all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 13

“Now you’re in NEW YORK, concrete jungle where walls are made of, there’s nothing you WILL do.Cause you’re in New Yoooork, you’ll be wondering why you flew, he won’t even be into youuuuu”

I’ve said this before, I am a risk taker, in every sense of the word. I believe that even when it comes to dating. The greater the risk the greater the reward can be. That being said, there is always a chance that you take a risk and there is no reward.

That seemed to be the case with a 2nd date I went on. I flew to the East Coast for this. New York.

Date number 1 went as well and as successful as I think a first date should go: Great dinner, great conversation, and romantic. What a nice feeling. He was in California visiting for work and we met up. I felt a connection with him which was a nice change from what I had experienced on other 1st dates.

…..6 months later. (why 6 months? Where’s the inbetween? Well read on)

I’m not sure if they have cell service in New York because I didn’t hear much from him after our first date. He’s a busy guy and travels all the time for work; literally all the time for work. I get that. Communication was sparse, which began to be quite off putting. I was getting over it very fast, though I couldn’t forget that when we went out, there was something there…something I don’t feel on every date. I held on to that feeling, and went with that when 6 months after our first date he said he would be home a while, and I should go out to visit him for the New Year. Boy, did that sound nice…I had a gut feeling though. A feeling telling me, he hadn’t made the effort to keep in touch with me much before, so how could he be interested.

He’s busy though-yeah, but even the President himself is not as busy as this guy claimed to be. So he’s not that interested?…Well maybe he is because he wants me to go out there.

So I go. I didn’t know what to expect. Not like he had been pining away for me for 6 months, the guy hardly even texted me. I was honestly surprised he wanted me to go see him…still holding on to that feeling though…NO WAY would he fly me out all the way from California to spend time with him right?..and the NEW YEAR at that! Oh yeah, he’s interested..has to be. I mean, it’s me- and I’m great. He’s a smart guy, I have no worries.

I arrive….

He has a car waiting for me to be picked up…random, usually someone picks you up from the airport, not some stranger with your name on a sign but whatever, I take it this is how New Yorkers roll, so I go. I get in the car. The driver “Muhktar” tells me what a great city I’m in and I’m in for a great time. You’re telling me! I’m going to see a handsome, charming, and witty guy in one of the most fun cities ever. Oh yeah, this trip is going to be blast. Albeit, short, but a blast. Muhktar and I quickly made friends. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was smiling from ear to ear because I’m in the city…a REAL city. I could have people watched all day. My cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much on the drive. He had stories to tell me about everything while on my ride to this guy’s place.

As I’m on my way there, my guy texted me saying he had gotten little sleep, was extremely exhausted and I need to cut him some slack.

Well ok, I just flew across the country and MY vacation was just starting. I’m ready to see some sights! I was hoping he would wake up by the time I got there.

I texted him back saying if he wanted to sleep I could go hang out somewhere. He said no worries.

I thought if he wasn’t ready for me, I could go hang out somewhere and make friends. Again, he said no worries though.

I get there. I was happy to see him, he seemed happy to see me. We went to dinner and I enjoyed that and some small talk. Ok, great start to my vacation so far. We were actually one of those gross couples in the restaurant, not making out, but affectionate. I didn’t care. My time with him was limited. I was going to do what I wanted…take that onlookers!

Great dinner and good drinks. Ok, he seems interested. Can only get better from here??

After dinner we just went back to his place. We talked a while. Well he talked. There was a lot of talk but not much conversation if that makes sense…

After a few hours I started to get the feeling that ok, he’s not interested in getting to know anything about me..odd, this isn’t how our first date went…

There was chemistry there physically so that would soon overcome my feeling of his lack of interest in me intellectually, emotionally, or anything else.

New Years Eve morning, I woke up and got ready while he slept. He was hosting a dinner party for friends that night so I thought we would have some time to go explore the city a little, as his friends weren’t coming till around 8.

He wakes up at 1 pm and says “you’re all dressed and ready to go?” I was ready but by the looks of things, he sure wasn’t. He said “I’m going to go back to sleep” He didn’t get up till 3:45. Guess we aren’t doing anything today. I tried to be sympathetic as he has problems sleeping. His job has him on this odd schedule. So I just kept my mouth shut and told him if he needed to rest, he should.

Ok, before flying out there, I did say “if we never leave your place that would be fine” Not thinking he would take that literally but even so, thought he would at least be up watching TV with me, keeping me company, cuddling, something… not sleeping.

We had just enough time to go run errands, grocery shop, come back, and get ready for his dinner party that night. He was doing all of the cooking so he would need plenty of time to do that before then.

It’s around 6 by this time and I was bored…so I said “can I have a drink?” He says “Wow, didn’t know you were such an alcoholic”

Really??!!! Is that the pot smoker calling the kettle black? (yeah he smokes weed) Give me a break dude. I said: “I’m on vacation” and well, it wasn’t like we were going anywhere any way. –SO BRING ON THE DRINKS!

His friends show up; great people. We are conversing, drinking, laughing, just having a nice time. We all were at this point. Great food; oh yeah the guy can cook, like it’s his job-wow, sooo good, great atmosphere. I’m happy now because well, everyone is engaging with each other. I was getting to know his friends, what they did for a living, how they knew my guy, and I was telling them about myself. I even told them about my blog.

They would comment once in a while about how he would go into the other room to get on the internet instead of being with us…one of his friends said “you should make sure to right about THAT! He should be in here with you…not looking up stuff online” I just laughed because I didn’t care….I had already gotten the impression he wasn’t interested in me romantically and besides, I had them to talk to. I was interested in getting to know them and them, me so I didn’t mind, though I did notice. His friends loved him to pieces though; not one bad thing to say about him as a person other than jokes and friendly jabs.

After ringing in the New Year, we head to a bar and met some of his friends there too. Again, no one had one bad thing to say. In fact, praise all around. Encouraging me in fact, “he’s such a nice guy, not a ladies man at all, so super sweet” “What I’m sorry, so super sleepy?” “No, sweet, sweeeeeet” “Oh, oh I see”

I’m having a great time…there are people! I got a nice little taste of his city and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I guess it was nice for him too because he didn’t have to babysit me…I’m pretty good at making friends on my own. The time at the bar was short lived. Bar shut down shortly after we got there. We go home and I went to bed… alone… at around 6 in the morning. I think he stayed up on the internet.

The next day or later that day rather, his cousin invited us to brunch.

On our 35 minute drive; not much conversation….oh well. Once we get to brunch, I met his cousin, his cousin’s wife, and their two adorable kids. We sat at the table and it wasn’t long before I was conversing with everyone and I felt pretty comfortable. The cousins invite us to their home. We must have spent at least 4 hours there. My guy, myself, and his cousins were just talking, and it was fun. They were amazing people. I was a little sad to leave. I wish I could have packed them in my suitcase and brought them back to San Diego. I gave them big hugs when I left.

We get in the car and silence again on the way home. At this point, I was just used to it.

When we get back we actually spent a little time together and he told me he had gotten a text from his cousin saying how great, funny, smart, and pretty I was. So nice I thought…so why didn’t he see that?

I had such an easy time with everyone …and I mean everyone I met while on this trip. We would talk, laugh, talk more, and it was all so easy…just natural conversation, so why not with him?

I was sad to figure that his cousins and friends knew more about me in one day than he even bothered to get to know in four.

Maybe he feels like he’s always “on” for people, always having to entertain, and with me, he didn’t have to do all that…..I don’t know, may never know as we didn’t communicate much.

Disappointed, my time there was now running out…and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

In the morning, I got up, got ready, we hugged like buddies and I left.

He asked for me to text when I got home. I did, did NOT hear back from him at all. Not that I expected to.

I don’t get it really. Why I ignored my instincts, why I refused to believe he wasn’t interested, long before I went over there. Why do we do this? Why do we try anyway? Maybe because we are hopeful, and we never really know the outcome, and are hoping for the best, guess that’s all we can do anyway.

The whole time I was there I felt like more of a bother than anything. He had this energy about him this time and I just felt like I was in his way. He seemed frustrated most of the time I was there.

At one point on New Years Eve, I had actually looked up flights to leave one day earlier than I was supposed to. That’s how much I felt like I was bothering him. There was even a point where I got hungry but hesitated to ask him if I could order some take out…or something! Usually when you have guests you make sure they aren’t going hungry right?? It all left me wondering if he was just counting down to the moment I left.

But why introduce me to your friends and family? Well, I also figured that some guys just don’t think that’s a big deal. It’s fine. So he thought I was just a girl, where he thought just by me going there was enough. No need to woo me at all I guess.

Mother fucker, fuck you, shut the fuck up. All in my vocabulary, but please don’t address me with them ever. He never said them in a rude way, I’m just not comfortable with those words towards me though. You can say them to other people…just not at me. Again, maybe how New Yorkers talk? Not something I want to get used to, and yet another sign he wasn’t romantically interested.

I was torn for a bit because though he didn’t really want much to do with me on an intellectual level, there were some undeniable tender moments, moments where he was vulnerable and I enjoyed that, and to be that comfortable around someone is hard to find. In fact, to find someone to be able to just “be” with is hard to find….

I didn’t need much, but maybe if he would have been interested in getting to know me, or maybe just actually being with me instead of sleeping, or being pre-occupied with whatever else he had going on…that would have been enough.

I mean, when his friends came over, and while at his cousins, I didn’t need to be anywhere else….

I didn’t go out there expecting to create a relationship, but I thought we could at least continue on the connection I was thinking was still there. I didn’t think he would make it so abundantly clear that he wasn’t trying to get attached, and make it so clear that he didn’t want a relationship either.

Once I got the impression he wasn’t trying at all, I stopped trying too. I gave up pretty much talking all together. I would say random things here and there which I am sure made me look like an idiot. Complete silence then: “Look at the pretty snow!”…silence. “Wow, really?” he must have thought. Well at least she can help me clean and grocery shop…good little Mexican.

I could have brought it up to him. I could have asked him about why he wasn’t really trying to get to know me. I could have asked a million things. But why, when it’s that clear that he’s not romantically interested?

Maybe he’s jaded by women, and he feels at this point no matter how little he tries the women will come around anyway (As I’m sure they do) So he doesn’t have to try. As he gets further in his career the adoration from all around increases as well, and well, there are tons of beautiful women out there.

For a little while, I even forgot about what he did for a living, I cared only to get to know him as a person, maybe that that’s not what he was looking for though.He could be in a place where he enjoys the attention from random women, as he makes his way up the career ladder…Just hope he remembers it can get lonely at the top.

I could sit and analyze this thing forever but I have too much to offer,and my time is too precious to worry about why he didn’t like me so in my best New York accent: “It’s not my prwablem”