Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Porn

On a night out, (God only knows how, well not really, it’s not uncommon in my group of friends) but the subject of pornography came up…and as if the world slowed down…and what would normally take 3 seconds to say, sounded like it took forever to come out… my girlfriend Stacey says:

I’ve neeevvvvveerrrrrr waaaatcccchhhheeeddd poorrrrrrnooo beeeeffffffooorre

You’re joking right?..and did you seriously just say ‘porno’?

No, and what it’s not porno?

Doesn’t matter, let’s get to the real problem here. The fact that you’ve never watched it before.

I’m not against it…just have never seen it before…..

I found that odd that she had never seen it but at least she wasn’t against it. Thank God..she’s still a decent human being.

I was in utter disbelief though.  Here was one of my girlfriends..which just might be one of the most filthy mouthed women I have ever met… I mean worse than a guy sometimes and she had never watched porn? Crazy.

I got to thinking…

I thought everyone watched it? I guess not…there is the ONE girl.

As I was explaining to her all the free sites out there, she was giving me a look like “wow, you sure do know a lot about porn”

She even asked at one point

Do you get excited when you watch it?

Noooo, pssshhh never! I like to watch it with my dearest friends over and we discuss the lighting and camera angles over tea and crumpets….duh Stacey what do you think?

It crossed my mind for a second though…was I the freak because I was so aware? No. News flash, masturbation and watching porn are a natural thing. Just in case you were wondering.

I’m in a Relationship Anyway

What?!!

Yup, I’m ready to claim this one… shout it from the rooftops…even change my relationship status on Facebook…..

I have been in the best relationship of my life for the last 6 years….the one with myself. Sadly though, Facebook doesn’t allow me to put “In a relationship with” myself.

Drat!

Oh well…

I treat myself to some amazing dates, pamper myself often, and well, do all the things a girl in a relationship would want. That includes loving myself…on SEVERAL levels. Hey, I mean 6 years is a long time, I have to keep things fresh and sexy!   So yes, I watch porn. Not all the time but I have to spice things up once in a while right?

You read right…I.watch.porn…surprised? Don’t be. WOMEN watch porn..that is nothing new and there is nothing disgusting about it.

I’m not friends with women that think it’s disgusting.Frankly, I find it disgusting that any woman would actually find it   disgusting. So save the uptight looks of shock and faces of horror. It’s HEALTHY.

And let’s be honest ladies…you may be making faces…but you know you watch it!

Men are more accepting of  women watching porn…Most would prefer it I think!

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten the “Oh, when you do that you make it hard for a man to please you” Which to me is code for  ” I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and porn or not..I would probably have no idea how to please you anyway”.

I have met a few guys who don’t watch porn though. I didn’t know they existed but they do. You’d be surprised…they are out there. My reaction? “Whaaaaat?! Do you hate babies and puppies too?”

So in future planning of a possible relationship with someone other than myself, I mean I know I have requirements but just like most people, they can have priority on a list..and porn would probably be in the top few things of “must haves” in a guy. Like….

Do you love animals?

Do you enjoy outdoor activities?

Are you funny?

Do you watch porn?

Not saying one should watch it every day but the option needs to be there at least. Agreed?

So tomorrow on your way to work or wherever you go during the day… take a look around. The chick you think doesn’t watch porn..probably does!

So wait?  How does the porn scenario apply to those in a relationship outside of themselves?!? Oh yeah, there are those huh?

Guys..dating a girl who doesn’t watch porn? DUMP HER ASS STAT! lol…ok maybe not that harsh..

The Breakdown

You compromise with her on the girly shit she likes…she needs to compromise with you on what YOU like. Easier said than done.  I get that, so it may take some convincing to actually break her down and agree to watch it with you.

Here’s some ways that may help in the boudoir and maybe get you to the point where you aren’t hiding your porn stash at your buddies house or in your garage shed in a box labeled “fishing gear”.

Men are visual. That’s why they watch and are more expected to watch porn. Women are more on a deeper, emotional level. So when people are banging on the screen many women may not follow…especially seeing penis on the screen. Many women find a mans penis to be less than attractive so….try something softer to start.

  • Try the porn with story lines..it’s like watching  a love story but with sex. She gets hooked in on the story line, then bam-SEX. She wants a happy ending to the story, and you just want your happy ending. WIN for both.

I personally, don’t waste my time with story lines..my friend sent me “Pirates” to watch..I just about threw up because of all the shitty acting.I hate story lines…get to the good stuff. However..many women prefer that sort of thing so you may want to start off with something soft like that but, not as cheesy as:  “Justin Beaver stars in ‘Prison Sluts'” Don’t insult her.

If you aren’t sure what will get her to watch it…tune into her and find out! If you tend to tune her out often when she’s talking in general..this just may be the one time you may actually want to listen!  She may not want to see the big fake boob girl with the platinum blond hair and botox from head to toe. It may seem too fake for some women.  I sure don’t find that attractive..if it was up to me I wouldn’t see their faces at all lol!

  • Focus on the porn with more realistic looking women. On top of the story line, she may be able to relate to it more and be more willing to watch.

Just a few pointers that may help you “get off”  in the right direction.

“So why even the pointers? We do it missionary and I don’t mind it.”

Well….

You’ve heard the saying: “Fuck like a porn star” right?

Yeah, sex should be like that. When in a relationship it’s still “making love” because you are in love…but sorry, missionary alone just won’t do it anymore. Switch it up to keep it fresh.

Oh, you don’t have any idea how to switch it up? Here’s an idea…WATCH PORN!

If you are a female in a relationship, and you are against porn but he’s not…. trust that he’s watching it anyway. If you want to get closer to him..you should consider watching it with him too. Compromise. He’s not going to give up porn for you…so you should find something you would like to watch with him.

Fellas..when she opens up to the idea, don’t shut her down if it’s a little bit cheesier, and don’t bring out that hardcore stuff with S&M and your weird fetishes. That would even freak me out! Know.Your.Limits. Don’t push it. You don’t want to scare her away.

Porn is not for all couples and it shouldn’t be a daily ritual… you still have to find each other hotter than porn!..but variety is always a great thing. ..and you can learn new things.

A few things to remember about porn, dating, and relationships!

  • Don’t bring it up on a 1st date! It is not 1st date convo..even if YOU know they are into it. Lay off that. It can turn even the freakiest of girls or guys off. Save that for when you’ve actually gotten to know that person.
  • It’s up to the couple to decide. Again..don’t force and if you are watching it everyday…and can’t get aroused without it, or stop wanting sex with your partner..you may have an addiction!
  • The desire and amount of porn should be discussed between two people. Communication is key..yes…even in this area.

If done right, without pushing, having patience and understanding of what each other want sexually and emotionally from exploring this area, it can bring a couple closer together.

Being sexual with yourself or with your partner is very healthy, therefore porn is not gross.

It’s even in the Declaration of Independence !! We have rights and among those are the right to: life, liberty, and the pursuit of porn! (That’s how it goes right?) Ok it’s “happiness” but porn DOES fall into that…I believe our forefathers even knew then!…and in my opinion porn is the best thing since sliced bread.

Happy Dating.

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