When placed in a situation of transition and change, you might find choices that would be hard to make, become easy.
I am in a place where if you aren’t supporting what I’m doing, I won’t question it, not question you, I will just simply remove you from my life.
I’d say, that even when everything seems to be going well in our lives, we should always be able to spot those who don’t support us in our journey to happiness. It just seems that sometimes when put in difficult or challenging situations, sometimes you can spot true colors more so than you were able to before.
That being said… there are some choices that should be easy…but aren’t.
I’ve had to remove some people from my life recently…you will see, when shit hits the fan, who is really there for you.
Like my friend Red…
She knew everything about the sudden change that was occurring in my life and thought she could help create an option for me. She said she could get me an interview at a company she just started working for. The position was for a customer service rep. I have tried to create options for myself so I told her I’d interview for it. I didn’t know what to expect on the interview but thought maybe it would give me greater clarity on some final moving decisions.
She lives in Ventura which is right along the central coast. Cool, little beach town with a lot to do. The town itself didn’t have to sell me on anything. It has plenty of night life to keep this girl busy and the beach just down the street. Cool weather all the time, one would really not have much to complain about.
Now, back to the job.
Her boss interviewed me and was nice, although I couldn’t read if he really liked me or not. When I left and spoke to my friend, I had got the impression I hadn’t gotten the job because I just figured they would tell me then.
My feeling after leaving and thinking I didn’t get it was…. relief. See, she would be my boss. Then on top of that, she has been so kind to offer her spare bedroom to me, which of course, I would pay rent for. But then, she’d be my boss AND roommate.
I thought not getting the job to be better because I don’t want to risk our friendship. I went home and proceeded with the moving process.
Then…a few days later, they offered me the job. I looked at the offer letter but I knew my answer. I had already mentally moved on. I had to call and tell her. She was disappointed and I couldn’t blame her. She had done me a huge favor by getting me an interview and had sold me to her boss. She told him what a great person I was and an even better employee I would be. She needs the help there and I know I would rock that job. Any job I’ve ever done, I rock… it’s just in me to have an incredibly strong work ethic. I can say that much.
I just wasn’t convinced it was the right thing for me to do.
She jokes that I should sell my soul to the devil like she did but there is a lot of truth to it. I would have to commit to at least a year there and it would most likely keep me further from LA. I ‘m aware it’s a job; security. It’s extra money that I don’t have currently but with the amount of school work I have now, I know my weekdays would be spent working because it’s full time, then weekends, writing.
This isn’t something to bitch about. People do it all the time. They work 40 hour weeks and still go to school,even with kids! I could balance it. I would have to.
I am just in a place where I don’t have to do that.
Some have said, “In THIS economy, you take the job!”
But is the trade off worth it?
And our friendship…
We are both adults and I have worked for friends in the past. No one at work would ever know if we had personal problems but I’m sure we would have them. Our friendship is not above others. We could very possibly come out of this with no friendship at all.
Even now, she is trying to convince me to take the job but even our friendship aside…If I don’t start pursuing my dreams now, when will I EVER?
Is it more grown up to stand firm on your dreams and pursue them? Or more grown up to do what others think is the “right” thing?
Everything, my heart, is telling me not to take this job.
In speaking to another journalist friend of mine, she said with the path I’m choosing, there will be days, “You won’t want to get out of bed…but you have to keep it crackin’.” I know it’s not going to be easy. I just want a life full of purpose and when I’m pursuing my goals, even when hard, I feel alive. If I die tomorrow, I’ll be happy knowing I was working toward great things. That’s what makes me feel whole and happy.
What would you do??
For me?
I got one life, one life, one life, and I’m gonna live it right…..
4 comments for “I Got One Life…..”