Just When I Thought I Was Out…They Pull Me Back In

What do you do when the past comes back to haunt you in the form of an email?

How do you react? Do ladies remain ladies… gentlemen, gentlemen, or do you fly off the handle?

In my short year(s) of writing my blog, I have not written about my past. Why?…because I always believe in pushing forward and not looking back to dwell on the past. Some say it’s important to acknowledge the past in order to move forward but I think I’ve done that…on several occasions on my own, so no need to blog about it…

So when I get an email from my exes current girlfriend (yes I have been in relationships before surprise,surprise!) asking me to call her because she wanted to talk to me and from my blog (and yes, she found my blog as well, and am sure she is reading this now) said I seem like an amazing person… she failed to mention gorgeous and hilaaarious but I let it slide ;)….

I didn’t know how to react.

She had found an email between my ex and I…you know, THEE EX. Your first love. Everyone has one.This was mine, the guy I had been on and off with for about 10 years.

It was this looong, drawn out emotional bullshit email I wrote him about how I wish we didn’t break up, and how my heart was on fire for him..yada yada yada..oh man I was embarrassed when I read that…I just kept thinking…I said ALL that? What a looooser! Haha! Well I was young…not even 23 yet.

In the midst of this girls nerve racking discovery, as I’m sure at this point she’s thinking, “here is this girl writing my boyfriend professing her undying love for him”….she fails to realize, that email was from 2003.

So as I’m reading this email she writes: “I need to know what’s going on here” I was thinking “umm, what was going on in 2003?, a lot….”

But she said something to me in the first email she sent me…something that I believe when many women hear it…it’s like a call to arms or something..like all of a sudden you are supposed to run to protect your fellow sister.

She didn’t just say “I need to know what’s going on here, she said “WOMAN TO WOMAN I need to know what’s going on here”..hmm, now I need to respond to her right? It’s my womanly duty to respond to her now that she’s said “woman to woman!”

Whoa, so what is it with that phrase? “Woman to woman”?.. it’s like girl code or something? Like in a war zone, when the phrase is spoken and then heard, the barrier walls come down, the white flags are thrown in, now everyone’s neutral, and we can hold hands sing “tra la la” and do some dumb shit like…sew?

If you have forgotten or have never heard of “The Girl Code” Here it is because as it says “Sometimes we need a little reminder”

Well come on..how much was she following the girl code…she clearly already broke the 4th rule down 😉

I actually had heard the phrase “woman to woman” a few weeks ago…

I was approached by some crazy girl who stalked me at a bar and confronted me because she thought I knew something about her ex boyfriend. This fatal attraction having, boil your bunny in a pot wackadoo said the same thing: “Woman to woman tell me the truth!”

Take it easy Glen Close. I don’t know you, don’t know anything about what you are talking about so vamoose!

This girl didn’t seem crazy…at least to my exes credit he wouldn’t date  someone with these kinds of issues…I’d hope…and truthfully, I know nothing about her other than she seemed anxious to get answers and was hoping I could help her.

I didn’t know what to think. She was clearly confused…and now so was I… Do I call her? Especially when she said “I have a lot to say to you”

What could she possibly have to say to me? I felt like we reverted back to high school all of a sudden. Except in highschool, I wasn’t even exposed to this kind of drama. For a second I thought she was going to say “meet me in the back parking lot after school” but she was cordial in her email so it crossed my mind for a second to call her as I had nothing to hide.

But where do the lines of loyalty lie?

Here I have my ex who was in my life for 10 years…am I now supposed to go above all of our history, our extremely strong friendship, us going through some extremely difficult life situations with eachother, which then brought us even closer together, me being extremely close with his family, to help a fellow woman in need?


My loyalty should be to him then?

But she said it.. she said “woman to woman” and the girl was hurting big time…As a woman shouldn’t I reach out and try to help her, and by me not responding does that make me less of a woman?

Well no…

I chose not to respond to her…and it took me all of about 5 minutes to figure that out. Their drama is their drama and really, it has nothing to do with me. From the sounds of things…the issues go far deeper than an email or emails. I didn’t need to get involved as it may have made things worse for them even though my intention would have only been to make it better. I will leave it to them, and just ask kindly to be left out of it. Kudos to me and in fact I think by me not responding, that makes me twice the awesome woman…maybe even three times 🙂

She sent a follow up email apologizing for dragging me into it and that she could figure it all out on her own. I figure she can.

This could have all been avoided….but the ex didn’t delete the emails….. oh dear Jesus.

Are you one of those people? That keep emails, photos, etc of your previous relationships? Why? Do you want to move into a new relationship and risk the chances of them finding emails and whatever else you and your ex shared together?

I personally, get rid of everything…and I mean EVERYTHING. Why hold on the past, dwell and be sad? Not this girl. We keep it movin’ ‘round here!

Not just that though, I would never want to hurt or disrespect the next person I’m with if they should find something that I have clearly held on to. I have been that girl…have found old things that I didn’t even MEAN to find. It can be very hurtful and wouldn’t want to put someone through that…because often times, they just don’t forget what they found.

Just get rid of that stuff. I know some people keep those things to reflect or in the case they get back together…Well, if you should get back together, you can create all new memories. Don’t bet on that though.

It wasn’t the first email I wrote him or the last as we were together for 10 years, but that is not the point. He should have deleted all of that stuff. Because now, not only is his current girlfriend hurting,but now I have to rehash old shit and again, I’m all about staying positive and moving forward.

The girl seems nice, and in another life we may have been friends…but alas, we cannot. I was a lady. Kept my composure and surprisingly enough, I was never that bothered to begin with. It being her vulnerability and me being sensitive to it aka “girl code” or that I am in such a different place..I just don’t know, just not my drama to deal with..and forget “Girl Code” I’m all about the “Life Code” which tells me I do what makes me happy, and refuse to entertain what doesn’t.

8 comments for “Just When I Thought I Was Out…They Pull Me Back In

  1. April 13, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    A few points:

    1. Those ‘girl codes’ are a lot similar to ‘guy codes.’ Although, their should be a secret last one: “All of the above codes are subject to be broken if you think you’ve met your soulmate and you will stop at nothing to be with that person, regardless of their connections to your friends.”

    2. Ha, you know, back when I was young I thought I would be one of those ppl that kept everything (since I am a notorious rat pack). However, when it comes to relationships, it makes it much easier to move on when you have nothing to constantly remind you of what was. Just memories and a determination to move on 😀

    3. How did she forget to mention you’re gorgeousness and hilarity? Psh, FAIL.

  2. Nicole
    April 14, 2010 at 11:29 am

    First, I want to know how people “find” other people’s emails? I have never had access to a boyfriend’s email account and he sure as hell would never have access to mine.

    Second, 2003? Are you frikkin serious?

    Third, 2003? Are you frikkin serious?

    • April 14, 2010 at 8:54 pm

      Nicole….where do you live and why haven’t I met you yet….I find you to be….awesome 🙂

  3. Alex
    April 18, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Don’t keep anything. That’s how I roll too. I had a gal hack my deleted emails…never thought to delete the deleted.

    Also, respect for the new partner. All good points m’lady(two points is not usually referred to as -all-, but there were some I failed to mention).

  4. April 29, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    You make some great points about friendship and dating. I enjoy your blog!

  5. Carly
    October 11, 2010 at 7:45 am

    I just found your blog today..and I feel..enlightened? Most of the stuff you’ve mentioned, I’ve gone through it- young. I’m 15. And just last year, I figured out that guys are not worth my time. That’s why I have been single for almost 2 years. Before my last relationship, I always burned pictures, deleted pics, deleted my emails and deleted the deleted. And after my last realtionship, I didn’t let go for about 4 months. I realized though that it wasn’t worth crying over, because I was the one to break up with him for what he did, and that I never truely liked him in the first place. So then I finally deleted everything. And it made me feel better. All of it is part of the reason why I now try and listen to people who have had more experiance with relationships, and then the next time I get into one, I’ll know what’s going on. But also, being 15, I haven’t had a first kiss yet. So basically I am a baby. But I don’t care. Not having a first kiss is probably one of the best things to be proud of besides being a virgin- which I still hold that title too.

    The ‘girl code’- it’s helpful. I believe in 1, 2, and 4-10. #3- it’s true. You shouldn’t tell each others secrets. But in my point of view, it’s also good to open up, because if you keep everything held in, it puts you through alot more stress and pain than you’re already in. Also, I think that there could be a few more codes to the code. I’m not sure what, but it could use a little touch up.

    Now about the blog-
    your ex’s new girlfriend..why does she even have access to his email? Why didn’t he delete the emails and delete the deleted? Why would she be concerned about stuff that happened what…7 years ago?? Omg..she sounds..somewhat nice, but if she’s gonna try and involve you in shit that happened a long time ago, she must be obbsesive. How long have they been dating anyways?? Ugh…drama 101 it seems with this girl.

    I actually live a partial drama-free life. Most everything that I deal with is easily handled. Other things, maybe not. Just recently, a friend of mine’s now ex boyfriend called me on Friday night after a home football game and was asking me questions I’d rather not mention. Well after maybe 2 hours with the phone on mute, I text her and let her know what happened. She ‘said’ she belived me, and we finished talking. The following Monday, I come into school- and she’s mad at me. Well these 2 black girls (not being racist) wanted to hurt me for lying (which I wasn’t) and so they asked me what really happened. So I told the same story. Ugh. The girl still hates me (yay) haha and they broke up 2 days later. Other than that crap story, I’m drama free. Haha:) also, being drama free helps your face. I definately don’t have any breakouts anymore because I dropped everything and started living kind of care free. It’s nice to have my right complection back. Haha:)

    Anyways, I think I will continue reading your blogs, and possibly will read old ones so I can kind of catch up on your stories. Thanks for the insite:) it helps. And I am SUPER lol sorry for making this really long. I just thought I should voice an opinion like anyone else.

    Carly <3

    • October 12, 2010 at 9:52 am

      Hi Carly. Well thank you for reading. 🙂 Yes, that whole thing with my ex and his girlfriend was ridiculous. She clearly doesn’t have access to his email but found a way in lol. I don’t know why he kept that stuff. I wish he had deleted everything. It was embarrassing for me as well, because those were my THEN feelings, and here I was trying to move on and now I had to re-live everything. Not smart of him but I hope he learned his lesson because I want him to erase what we had other than his memories. No one else should know what we shared. In any relationship when you move on from someone, you should not keep anything..hence the term “moving on” and if anything to save people old or new from being hurt. I’m glad you are drama free, and being 15..and even when you get older, try and remain so. I have a 15 year old niece and I try to give her the advice I will give you: Stay away from gossip, always go with your gut, and don’t be in a hurry to settle down. LIVE. TRAVEL. See the world. Always be a lady, learn to think like a guy, and never let anyone especially a boyfriend tell you, you can’t achieve your dreams, no matter how silly they may be. I appreciate your comments…and again, thanks for reading I will try and keep you entertained;P oh and my first blog I think was 2 years ago maybe.

  6. Carly
    October 11, 2010 at 7:48 am

    By the way, when was your VERY first blog? Lol:)

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