What do you do when the past comes back to haunt you in the form of an email?
How do you react? Do ladies remain ladies… gentlemen, gentlemen, or do you fly off the handle?
In my short year(s) of writing my blog, I have not written about my past. Why?…because I always believe in pushing forward and not looking back to dwell on the past. Some say it’s important to acknowledge the past in order to move forward but I think I’ve done that…on several occasions on my own, so no need to blog about it…
So when I get an email from my exes current girlfriend (yes I have been in relationships before surprise,surprise!) asking me to call her because she wanted to talk to me and from my blog (and yes, she found my blog as well, and am sure she is reading this now) said I seem like an amazing person… she failed to mention gorgeous and hilaaarious but I let it slide ;)….
I didn’t know how to react.
She had found an email between my ex and I…you know, THEE EX. Your first love. Everyone has one.This was mine, the guy I had been on and off with for about 10 years.
It was this looong, drawn out emotional bullshit email I wrote him about how I wish we didn’t break up, and how my heart was on fire for him..yada yada yada..oh man I was embarrassed when I read that…I just kept thinking…I said ALL that? What a looooser! Haha! Well I was young…not even 23 yet.
In the midst of this girls nerve racking discovery, as I’m sure at this point she’s thinking, “here is this girl writing my boyfriend professing her undying love for him”….she fails to realize, that email was from 2003.
So as I’m reading this email she writes: “I need to know what’s going on here” I was thinking “umm, what was going on in 2003?, a lot….”
But she said something to me in the first email she sent me…something that I believe when many women hear it…it’s like a call to arms or something..like all of a sudden you are supposed to run to protect your fellow sister.
She didn’t just say “I need to know what’s going on here, she said “WOMAN TO WOMAN I need to know what’s going on here”..hmm, now I need to respond to her right? It’s my womanly duty to respond to her now that she’s said “woman to woman!”
Whoa, so what is it with that phrase? “Woman to woman”?.. it’s like girl code or something? Like in a war zone, when the phrase is spoken and then heard, the barrier walls come down, the white flags are thrown in, now everyone’s neutral, and we can hold hands sing “tra la la” and do some dumb shit like…sew?
If you have forgotten or have never heard of “The Girl Code” Here it is because as it says “Sometimes we need a little reminder”
Well come on..how much was she following the girl code…she clearly already broke the 4th rule down 😉
I actually had heard the phrase “woman to woman” a few weeks ago…
I was approached by some crazy girl who stalked me at a bar and confronted me because she thought I knew something about her ex boyfriend. This fatal attraction having, boil your bunny in a pot wackadoo said the same thing: “Woman to woman tell me the truth!”
Take it easy Glen Close. I don’t know you, don’t know anything about what you are talking about so vamoose!
This girl didn’t seem crazy…at least to my exes credit he wouldn’t date someone with these kinds of issues…I’d hope…and truthfully, I know nothing about her other than she seemed anxious to get answers and was hoping I could help her.
I didn’t know what to think. She was clearly confused…and now so was I… Do I call her? Especially when she said “I have a lot to say to you”
What could she possibly have to say to me? I felt like we reverted back to high school all of a sudden. Except in highschool, I wasn’t even exposed to this kind of drama. For a second I thought she was going to say “meet me in the back parking lot after school” but she was cordial in her email so it crossed my mind for a second to call her as I had nothing to hide.
But where do the lines of loyalty lie?
Here I have my ex who was in my life for 10 years…am I now supposed to go above all of our history, our extremely strong friendship, us going through some extremely difficult life situations with eachother, which then brought us even closer together, me being extremely close with his family, to help a fellow woman in need?
My loyalty should be to him then?
But she said it.. she said “woman to woman” and the girl was hurting big time…As a woman shouldn’t I reach out and try to help her, and by me not responding does that make me less of a woman?
I chose not to respond to her…and it took me all of about 5 minutes to figure that out. Their drama is their drama and really, it has nothing to do with me. From the sounds of things…the issues go far deeper than an email or emails. I didn’t need to get involved as it may have made things worse for them even though my intention would have only been to make it better. I will leave it to them, and just ask kindly to be left out of it. Kudos to me and in fact I think by me not responding, that makes me twice the awesome woman…maybe even three times 🙂
She sent a follow up email apologizing for dragging me into it and that she could figure it all out on her own. I figure she can.
This could have all been avoided….but the ex didn’t delete the emails….. oh dear Jesus.
Are you one of those people? That keep emails, photos, etc of your previous relationships? Why? Do you want to move into a new relationship and risk the chances of them finding emails and whatever else you and your ex shared together?
I personally, get rid of everything…and I mean EVERYTHING. Why hold on the past, dwell and be sad? Not this girl. We keep it movin’ ‘round here!
Not just that though, I would never want to hurt or disrespect the next person I’m with if they should find something that I have clearly held on to. I have been that girl…have found old things that I didn’t even MEAN to find. It can be very hurtful and wouldn’t want to put someone through that…because often times, they just don’t forget what they found.
Just get rid of that stuff. I know some people keep those things to reflect or in the case they get back together…Well, if you should get back together, you can create all new memories. Don’t bet on that though.
It wasn’t the first email I wrote him or the last as we were together for 10 years, but that is not the point. He should have deleted all of that stuff. Because now, not only is his current girlfriend hurting,but now I have to rehash old shit and again, I’m all about staying positive and moving forward.
The girl seems nice, and in another life we may have been friends…but alas, we cannot. I was a lady. Kept my composure and surprisingly enough, I was never that bothered to begin with. It being her vulnerability and me being sensitive to it aka “girl code” or that I am in such a different place..I just don’t know, just not my drama to deal with..and forget “Girl Code” I’m all about the “Life Code” which tells me I do what makes me happy, and refuse to entertain what doesn’t.