As friends have suggested, I am writing more about “my life” ..here we go. If you don’t like it..you can suck it.
The last month or so has opened my eyes to a lot of things..
Projects, moving, and being a therapist…..
“A therapist? I thought you were a Realtor and weather girl?” Yeah, I am all that…but seems I also have another job..as a therapist to my friends and family.
Being there for others is kind of what I do… you know, that friend that you can call at 2am when you can’t sleep because shit is hitting the fan? Yeah…that’s me. I’m good at it. People always tell me I should be a therapist….even when it comes to relationships.
Guys and girls tend to grow close to me…extremely fast. I’m not kidding when I say I can meet you at noon and you’ll be telling me all of your secrets by 12:30…ok 1 at the latest 😉
I don’t know why that is… I’m finding it’s a blessing and….a curse.
I think people come to me because I remain neutral. I have NO problem telling you like it is, but in the end, I got your back like chiropractic 😉
Even with an ex, if they vent to me about a current relationship, I stay neutral and I think that’s why they feel it’s safe. Even both in the same relationship! None have been the wiser. None will ever be either. I keep all of the secrets. When you say “please don’t repeat this” I don’t. Plain and simple.
Well being that I’ve been giving so much of myself, especially lately, it’s caught up to me I think. I didn’t realize I was there so much for others..till it all sort of came to a head and I found myself suffering over issues, that were not only NOT mine, but finding that I had all of my personal things going on and I could not keep up with ME anymore.
The truth is..I’m drained…completely spent. I am in the middle of a move; granted to a fab place (UPGRADE!) but it seems that a lot of what was going on with others was at the same time I was/am going through this transition.
Normally…I can handle it..but lately..just seems to have been overwhelming.
It’s like everyone is going through some sort of turmoil and I’m like Bruce Almighty. I hear people’s problems and I want to have the answers for them. I often have some bit of advice to help them but it’s just starting to weigh on me a bit. So just like in the movie..I’m giving the same answer to everyone without thinking it through.
I don’t know if that’s good or bad but when my friends or family are going through something and they break down, I can be their rock but go through the breakdown or break up at the same time with them…. They suffer, I suffer with them…
So during times when they are not ok, neither am I…
Lo day # 127 “I’m getting divorced!” …I am too
Lo day #313 “ He cheated on me” ..I’ve just been cheated on.
Lo day #4- “My cat just died” ..shit, my cat just fucking died 🙁
…Even people I don’t really know
I had lunch the other day with this lovely woman and I had only met her once before then… briefly.
It wasn’t long before a lot was being shared with me..and I didn’t mind. I am more than used to it. I find it very human and endearing.
So now, it’s hit me..I’m 29 and have gone through a ton of divorce, deception, cheating, child custody battles, cheating agaaaaiin, death, more break ups and betrayal… oh did I mention none of this is happening to me? But it is…I never leave my friends hanging. Even those I have grown distant from. If they ever needed me, they know they could call me for anything….and it doesn’t need to be said..they just know.
I just feel..exhausted and it’s ok to feel that way..I’d think at some point most in my position would feel drained on occasion..I hope my friends reading this, don’t stop coming to me though. I’d rather help them, in any way, then have them feel they are going through anything alone, or feel they can’t tell me something.
I am your confidant. If you’re reading this and thinking “she’s not talking about me, I don’t know this girl” ohhh but I am…. Let’s go have lunch and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Reading, this you might think me being a “therapist” is a way for me to feel needed..that’s not it..but I will say this.. it is an awesome feeling to be trusted..ESPECIALLY when we live in a world where MOST cannot be…and it’s more so that I love helping people. I love to see them smile, I love spreading positivity and I guess that stems from the happiness within me. I want people to feel what I feel so I try to share with them how I feel it’d be best to get there. Everyone’s path is different of course, I am not the end all to finding your happiness. I’m not Buddha; don’t try to be.
I just know that being happy feels GOOOOOOD so if a few words I say, or you telling me a secret or two makes you feel happier, even AFTER I’ve told you like it is.. then my work is done.
I go through struggles and trials too of course too (that’s why I’m writing!).. I just know that I CHOOSE for my time in misery or sadness to be brief.
So see what I’m saying. I know if this really was my profession, I’d have to not get emotionally involved but when it comes to friends and family…you’re damn right I do. You hurt someone I care about, you hurt me.
My family has joked and called me the “glue” a couple of times..but luckily that one hasn’t stuck (padum bum) :-P…I am the one they call when they need advice for anything…the adults, the kids, everyone. They.call.me.
When it comes to guys, I have seen emotions from them you would never think are possible…but they are. I’ve witnessed them!
I’m the girl that can keep your dirty little secrets. I know things that I swear could bring SEVERAL relationships burning to the ground but I’ll never tell.
When people say “If you need anything, let me know” but don’t really mean it..I do. I found that over my move..there were some serious offers to help me pack…but there were some you could tell were not sincere as it came with a ” I can help you but…”
That’s not me..No, when I say if you need me, I REALLY will be there..if you need me to drive somewhere because you are sick..I REALLY will go there.
Don’t get me confused with a rescuer…if after I’ve given you the same advice and you keep doing the same shit..there is a point I will cut you off. You can’t help someone that really doesn’t deep down want to be helped or even want to help themselves.
Sooo, I am good at being there for others..here’s the flipside… I don’t go to people when I need help. I am way stubborn..like really. My move would have been 10x easier if I would have just accepted help. Even though I hired a moving company..it was still stressful. I admit I am stubborn and luckily having some amazing friends, they know when to just force their way into my home to help me against my wishes 😉 (I love you guys and would give a kidney if you needed it!) 🙂
I guess I just feel when they come to visit, I want them to relax, and not have to worry about working.
I like to do everything on my own. Very rarely do I vent about issues I may have. I sort of suffer quietly…and then come out to play when I’m ready..I know that sounds terrible. “Who’s there to save the hero after she saves the world?” Very true.. I don’t know..and I know that’s something I need to work on..I guess I usually don’t say anything because it doesn’t last very long….
I do vent though..my friends can attest to that. It’s just that when there is an issue, I try to deal and move on without bringing the world down with me…I love myself too much not to be myself for too long if that makes sense. In other words, I choose happiness over sadness and on the rare occasion I do have a “breakdown” I embrace it, cry it out, whatever, and go back to normal soon. I’m resilient that way, and too fly to be depressed! 😉
So for now, I’m worn out. Too many projects, too many social activities, too many of… everything.
I have decided to back away for a bit..from social events, gatherings etc, just to regroup. I have told my friends I will come back and emerge a better friend, a better daughter, sister etc….they deserve that..and most importantly, I DESERVE IT.
I’m not going to stop communicating with the world..just the group functions. I just need to be around my close friends for now..the ones who without making me talk about anything….just…get it.
Thinking of taking a trip to a resort somewhere in the next month maybe..no technology..just peace, quiet, and me..
I just need some time, to take care of me, settle in my new place and settle my restless soul a bit…
It’s like LoLo 7…and it was MY idea.