At 17, when the Army and Navy told me the Air Force would never let me enlist with them, I was determined to find out why. I don’t like the word “No” so I walked right over to the Air Force recruiting office and wouldn’t you know it, the Army and Navy had been lying to me (go figure).
With a big “Take that!” to the Army and Navy recruiters, I join the Air Force just to find…. I don’t like taking orders from people. That was over 10 years ago though, I’ve changed since then….
Ok, no, not really…..
I’m just going to keep it real with you guys, I still don’t like the word “No” and for the most part, I don’t like being told what to do. Well I’m just a hot mess aren’t I? This couldn’t possibly affect my dating life….right?
I thought it would be fun to start dating again once I got settled in LA but, I couldn’t figure out why only after a week, I was getting so irritated with it already.
I didn’t want to go out with anyone. I found it much more satisfying and blissful to go out with my friends or do ….anything else. It wasn’t that I was afraid of meeting people, I’m not new to dating online, or dating in general, so what was it?
Then, it came to me….and not in a subtle way either. One day I just felt like yelling at my computer screen while on eHarmony:
” No eHarmony! I am not going to check my new matches today ok, no I’m not emailing that guy back, I’m not going out with that guy either…stop telling me what to do!”
Wow….there it was, just like that I went from an adult to a 5 year old throwing a tantrum, but I couldn’t fight it. I felt like I was being forced to date and all of a sudden, dating didn’t seem so fun anymore.
See, I relish my alone time… rolling around alone in my bed, not having to tell anyone at all where I am, where I’m going, or any of that. I don’t want to settle down..what does THAT mean anyway?? Why do I have to settle down??? YOU settle down!
I used to love the idea of online dating…you can learn so much about people, it’s like people watching..and I love people watching but, now it just feels like it’s forcing me to date… but that’s kind of the point right? Online dating is not for browsing. People are going to want to meet you in person…which is fine but then, next thing you know they want to date you, then you want to spend the night at my house, did I invite you? No I didn’t…. and then your texting and calling me everyday asking me what I’m doing every 5 seconds and you know, I’m not even sure if I reaaaalllly like you, and then…well, you get the point.
So that’s it, I canceled my subscription and the date I had set up that very night. I text him apologizing but I was honest. I said I really had no interest in dating online and he deserved to meet with someone who was really excited to meet him. He responded with, “No worries at all…just keep an open mind in the future though, it doesn’t matter how you meet Mr. Right, as long as you meet him”. How cute, he thinks I’m a rookie at this online dating stuff. I just replied with, “Thank you, I wish you the best.”
I think it may be best to stay off the dating websites, and maybe just not date period…. and after thinking about it for a while I came to the conclusion that maybe it’s my wonderful friends, my family, or the ambition to pursue my dreams, but I feel totally fulfilled. I don’t really feel like I’m missing anything…am I supposed to?
Sure there are times I want companionship, I like to be around men, feel the way they feel, I like affection. One thing I’m not feeling?…lonely. I want to watch my own shows, I want to DVR what I want and not worry that you won’t like it. I want to play what I want on my ipod and not worry you’ll talk about how it’s not good music according to you.
I love cuddling, love the idea of feeling safe with a guy taking care of you when you are sick..but when I’m well..not so much, because next thing you know you’ll be asking me for a spare toothbrush and a drawer…NOT.HAPPENING.
Is it selfish of me to say I want me time still??
I’m hoping I don’t get a bunch of comments like “It’ll happen when you aren’t looking” I don’t really believe that. I don’t know when it’s supposed to happen but I don’t see myself saying, “Yeah I totally wasn’t looking, and bam he just shows up!” …riiight. For now, I need more me time. I am not ready to share my space. I am however, focused… on living my life to the fullest and that doesn’t include a man right now. I thought I was ready, I guess I’m just not, and who knows when I will be, but I’m just too busy having fun in life to worry about when that’s going to happen.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to happily buy stock in “The Rabbit”.
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