Chapter 17. I’m Just Not That Into You

I kept my mouth shut but the response in my head?: “If I wanted a girlfriend, I would be with a girl so kindly remove the tampon from your ass please.”…

Approximately 8 days earlier…..

His follow through was amazing. He called the day after we met to set up a date which ended up being a few days later.

I met him at the restaurant. I walked in, he greeted me with a smile and a tight hug…my favorite thing. I always say I love tight hugs because it means that person means it.

He was a gentleman, well put together, pulled my chair out when I sat down, and even shared his food. I love that.

I never understand people who don’t share food. Why are you so stingy?? Life is about great experiences and that includes great food, so fork over a bite shiiiit!

A good half hour of small talk then he asked why I’m single: “What’s your situation?” “My situation?” “Yeah, like why are you single, when was your last relationship?” I responded but that is so not first date conversation. I sure didn’t ask him about his past. When you do that, you leave yourself open to possible judgement simply because someone doesn’t know you well enough. I always say conversation needs to be light and fun on a 1st date.

After I told him my priority was not dating, he said he understood and would respect that but he said he was going to take every opportunity possible to spend time with me.

A delicious dinner, a few cocktails, and he walked me home.I let him walk me to the front door of my building. He leaned in and kissed me…and he was a good kisser.

I looked at that night as nothing more than a nice evening with a nice guy. Simple enough.

He text that night asking if I wanted to go out again soon, and I said: “Sure” ….

ROUND 2

This is where I got in trouble… and where I thought what I said about dating not being a priority wasn’t as understood as he said it was, and not as simple as I thought it was.

A week or so passed and as we had left the conversation he had told me to let him know when I was free. Ok, so that was over a week but I didn’t think anything of it. I text him and he asked me out.

When he picked me up, he immediately said “Wow, 8 days?” (but who’s counting right?Jeez!) “I guess I didn’t make that good of an impression on you? What didn’t you like about our date?” Uh oh here we go….

He proceeded to give me a hard time for not getting in touch with him sooner.  I believe I may have started zoning out in a daydream as he started lecturing but can’t remember for sure…I didn’t have an explanation for him as to why I didn’t get back to him quickly enough but instead of responding with that first brash response that popped into my head in the beginning, I simply smiled, apologized, and said “I’m here now aren’t I?”

He was never totally serious, but there was seriousness behind that. I definitely don’t want to be inconsiderate of someone’s feelings but here’s the thing….I don’t want to have to explain my life to you.  I don’t on a second date want to have to explain why I didn’t text you immediately or why it took me so long to go out with you again. I don’t even want to have to explain myself to my girlfriends, why do I need to, to you?

After he gave me a bit of the 3rd degree, we were fine and headed out to a wonderful dinner.

While at dinner he eluded to the fact that we were going to progress.  He kept speaking of the future and how if I didn’t make him wait another 8 days, there were a lot of things he could show me since I was new to L.A. I didn’t argue, I just laughed.

He brought me home, walked me to my door again, he kissed me, and again I didn’t feel anything but didn’t think much of it. This is kind of where I wanted to be, he’d treat me on a night out, I’d treat him on a night out, a kiss here and there, simple enough right? No one is using each other. Just some good company, and aside from the 3rd degree, we’d be cool!

He kept asking questions though..I didn’t want to go there in my mind, I didn’t want to have to think of the future. I wasn’t looking for something wrong with him but with him making all of these plans for us, and me not jumping up and down at the thought of going out with him again, I had no choice but to stop and think, and I just knew that if I was going to be investing romantic time with a guy, he’d have to have this “thing”, and unfortunately this guy did not have it. That “thing” includes being funny, and let me tell you, this guy was not that.

So sorry guy, do no pass go, do not collect $200. See, there is a “we” I picture when I think of my future, but that guy is funny…granted he’s faceless right now, but that guy is hilarious!

You can be hot, but if you don’t make me laugh, you most definitely will not keep my attention, I don’t care who you are.

I thought I would have some time before he’d want to go out again…wrong. A day later he asks: “I was thinking X-men tonight, then we head out to Vegas tomorrow.”

What?? Seriously, this guy was not going to waste any time,and wow, did he see a connection I didn’t? He wants to spend a few days with me? I was flattered, it was nice that someone wanted to spend that kind of time with me, but I already knew my answer to that question.

Out of sheer curiosity I posted to see what others thought : “Someone of the opposite sex invites you on an impromptu trip to Vegas. You don’t really know this person. Go or stay? Discuss….”

Here were some responses: 

 

I was surprised some of the girls said to go. Most guys said there would be expectations if I did.

I didn’t go, and I knew I wasn’t going as soon as he asked the question. ..I knew going to Vegas came with expectations. I knew he wasn’t asking so we could go there and then attend church. I was never in fear for my safety, I just wasn’t that into him, and if I didn’t want to sleep with him sober, I shouldn’t be going. I realize I could have been drunk all weekend and told him” Im reaaaadddy to paaaarrrtyyyy ” and just stayed in a haze all weekend, but for what? To say I got a free trip to Vegas? No Thanks.

I’ve done this before, tried to make something happen out of nothing just because he was a nice guy and it turned into a fucking  disaster !!! I wasn’t going to do that to him, or myself.

I don’t care if it was 2 nights or a week. I knew what he’d try…He was already showing that. While on our second date, he proceeds to hold my hand to say grace but later on attempted to have his hands all over my ass. Now, I’m not a religious person but something about seemed like a total contradiction and his saying grace didn’t seem genuine, kind of like the guy who masturbates then repents. If I went, it would give him the wrong impression and I’d have no one to blame but myself.

I had to re-read and think about what I had said in that previous post about Paris….I had said I wasn’t going to do this anymore, but here I was doing it again. It’s not about the destination, not about how many times a guy offers you a trip,or free….anything. It’s about who you are with. I need a happy guy, a guy who is engaging, and when he smiles, people know he’s happy, and that is not something you can fake.

Now, I need to call him, thank him for being nice to me, and let him know that it won’t be going any further. I wish I didn’t have to but he is already asking too many questions for it being so early. I certainly don’t want to lead him on.  He was a nice guy, but just because he was all these great things doesn’t mean he’s the “one”, and from his actions, he doesn’t just want to be some nice guy to have fun with every once in a while.

When a guy is something special to me, trust me my friends, you’ll know it. Until then, not every guy I meet is worth talking about, worth gushing over, worth figuring out “what it all means”.  In the meantime, a relationship is NOT  a priority. Right now, my focus is taking care of my friend as she’s on this long road to recovery from breast cancer, and focusing on what I’m going to ultimately be doing here in LA. If on occasion I do go on a date, I am not going to give out every single detail about my life to him or anyone else til I’m good and ready to do that.

Why in the hell is that so hard for people to understand?

I know it would have been a great story. He stops in the street to approach me, we go out, fall in love, all like a fairy tale. But this is real life and in my version of a fairy tale my guy has to have that “it” thing…and when he has it, I’ll just know.