THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…lol!
I am in no way saying I am the perfect date, I’m just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun 😉
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don’t claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them… yes, I think I may make this a habit…
And for clarification…dating is for research… I will not give into “selling out” and you will not see any symptoms of “bitchassness.” On my part anyway…
-Your feedback and comments are welcome…all in the name of research!..lol
**TIP OF THE DAY: LADIES, AND GENTLEMEN….BEWARE OF THE “REBOUND ZONE”. Trust me there are some signs, flashing lights all around, and yes, you will hear the occasional annoying buzzing sound warning you that you are entering… but sometimes you WILL NOT see them….ahhh yes, if only these signs were more obvious, maybe like the fabulous signs of the crossing immigrants on the 5 Freeway…that would save us a lot of time…
**BE ALERT AND ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK**
‘DUMPED AT THE COFFEE BEAN’
WARNING- NOW ENTERING THE REBOUND ZONE!…
Ahhhh the Coffee Bean, where you can get great tasting crack in a cup, WI-FI, and on occasion, witness BITCHASSNESS in it’s purest form….
I went out with this guy a few times and we were having fun, getting to know each other. This was only going on for about 3 weeks. Things were going fine, he called a lot but I didn’t mind; we had good conversation. I thought I made it clear that I wanted us to be friends for a while but maybe not clear enough? I thought we were doing pretty well on conversation over that short period of time and I really wasn’t interested in hearing about the ex yet but he offered the information…looking back, he obviously needed to vent…whatever. I didn’t mind hearing about it because we were just hanging out.
**POSSIBLE SIGNS OF A RECENT BREAK UP…CLINGINESS, A WANT TO TALK OF THE EX OFTEN , AND COMPARING YOU TO THE EX (THIS IS POSSIBLY TO MASK FEELINGS THEY STILL HAVE FOR THE EX)
After only going out on a few dates, I get a call on a Wednesday morning. “Lori I need to talk to you, can you meet me at the Coffee Bean in like an hour?”
So I show up…and he sits me down…
Him: “Hey, well you know that girl I was seeing?”
Him: “Well she called me the other day to catch up and well, we started talking. When I told her I was hanging out with you, she didn’t like that and now she wants to get back together. I think I want to give it a chance and I can’t see you anymore.”
I was a bit dumbfounded and hadn’t considered us dating really but now I was being dumped…my pride stepped in…..uh-oh. Was this necessary? I wouldn’t have thought twice if he backed away slowly but now…now, I’m feeling dumped and What the F!, now I’m pissed!
Me: “Let me get this straight, you’re dumping me right now?”
Me: “Well you Sir, are a PUNK B*TCH!!…no offense.” LOL…I didn’t really say that.
“No, no you’re right, we didn’t establish anything and well, you have to do what’s best for you I guess.” (and believe me, I wasn’t going to chain him to the chair to get him to keep hanging out with me..he made his choice, it wasn’t wise but it’s not my fault he’s retarded)
We gave the obligatory hug and parted ways.
So I walked back home, as it’s only across the street from my house and called my girlfriend….immediately.
Me: “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened, ” Juan de Leon” just dumped me….at the Coffee Bean!”
Her: “What? Are you serious?”
Me: “Yeah, I didn’t even know we were dating, I’m pissed….I think? Or wait….I don’t know how to process what the f*ck just happened.”
(silence)….then, A BURST OF LAUGHTER FROM BOTH OF US!
We laughed for a bit and I felt better in no time…thank God for girlfriends! J
Now, I have a sort of love /hate relationship with the Coffee Bean…good times….
Well if you can believe it, it kind of happened again. A friend was setting me up with a friend of hers. I knew him but not that well. I had heard he was going to ask me out but he hadn’t called. A week passed, two weeks passed and then I got a call. He actually left it on a voicemail…
He called to explain to me that a friend of his had liked him for a while (of this I was made briefly aware of but he said he had no intention of dating her) and again, when he explained to her that he was dating….she didn’t like it and made her move….and well, he decided to go with it!
“So basically, I’m calling to tell you I won’t be asking you out.
I really wanted to too, this sucks! But hey, if this doesn’t work out with her, can I call you?”
Oh, gosh really!? Can I be the lucky second!? Well I will be waiting by the phone for you ok…holding my breath in fact!
*Guys, I think you might think a call is courteous, but it’s not necessary if you haven’t asked her out on a first date yet! There really is no way to look like “the good guy” in this situation….trust me, just don’t call.
And I must say..I must be good luck or something because as soon as these guys mention they are going to go out with me..they get what they want back….which is obviously saying I was the tool they intended on using to get the girls they REALLY wanted in the first place. They swear that’s not the case and that it was not on purpose but come on…you can’t fight it…the heart wants what it wants and you sometimes need someone to get your mind off what you really want; kind of fill the void in the meantime….and ladies let’s face it, we can’t be “THE GIRL” for every guy right?
And I mean hey, if I can help someone out LOL LOL …
After it happened the second time, I started to think to myself, “What the hell am I doing?” I am just looking to hang out with some good people and I’m already getting dumped before I even decide if I want a relationship!
I had to do some self-evaluation. I must have been attracting these guys, afterall, the common denominator was ME! For a second I wanted to be down on myself, “What, am I not pretty enough, not smart enough, WTF!??” We all have done it I’m sure…come on ladies..you have. As long as you don’t let it ruin your life lol, you’re fine…but it’s all natural for us to go through these thoughts…briefly 🙂
So maybe these guys are just making this stuff up, maybe they just don’t want to go out with me and they don’t want to hurt my feelings…
**DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY LADIES, or guys alike..don’t beat yourself up..It really isn’t about you, the only thing you can do is follow your feelings and learn the lessons that come with that.
I know you can’t always know what you are getting into even if you are just friends first but, it really is nice to try and get to know someone first. If you then decide you want to take it to the next level and begin dating, you will be better aware of whether or not you are entering the “rebound zone” and know how to deal with it accordingly.
Some of you may be thinking, well if you just ask “when was your last relationship” on the first date…you will have your questions answered. Well no, because they will swear to you up and down that they are over it…or give you the ever so CLASSIC LINE: ” It was over long before I broke up with her” LOL-CLASSIC I SAY!…and again…not 1st date conversation.
Now, on occasion, I actually lend a good ear for my buddies to vent about their girlfriends (yes these women and these situations are real I assure you) …. wow, “it’s not working out, I didn’t see that coming at all!” teeheee…I wish them only the best-seriously. I want them happy, it’s just not going to be with me…you had your chance sorry…oh and believe me, they are both well aware of this.
And yes, sometimes people deserve a second chance. I have actually been on the other side of this before and have been given a second chance….but in all honesty…a second chance is reserved for very, very special people. 🙂
-Ever happened to you!!????