“I’ll have sex with you, but WHOA…ask me to be exclusive??? How DARE you!!
Those may not be the exact words but the idea is well known….too well known. Sex without any discussion of exclusivity, or really, sex without much thought at all.
I was speaking with a friend the other day about this topic and how we’ve heard guys request to “take it slow” (are you serious?), and are sometimes even offended that that you would even ask about exclusivity…even hearing responses like: “I take relationships seriously and don’t want to jump in so quickly with someone I feel I don’t know that well yet.” What a joke!
Oh yeah, they may be timid and thinking the idea of a relationship is “too much” to commit to, but they will, almost without a flinch or 2nd thought, have sex with you.
So,since when is the topic of exclusivity taboo to ask about but sex is not? This is sad.
What’s more sad is that too many women are so afraid to speak up that they just go along with it.
Time for a little schooling ladies:
Stop being afraid to voice what you want. You cannot let him take control over that part of you. Sadly, most women would have responded with :” That’s fine” and slept with him anyway, knowing that it it’s not fine at all. Why does he get to dictate how your relationship or pseudo relationship is going to go?? Are you afraid of looking like that needy ball and chain type girl? Who cares? If that’s not who you are, why are you so worried about it?
“What happens if I say something and he decides to not stick around?”
Listen, if he leaves after you tell him what you want, that’s HIS problem, not YOURS. Trust me, there are too many men out there and you will find one that will respect you and care enough about you to value what you want and if you want to wait for monogamy before being intimate, that’s ok.
“What if I don’t know what I want yet?”
Take this as a fair warning…sex will simply complicate things. You will (most of you) want a relationship after you start sleeping with him. Your vagina decides for you…so there. If you’re not ready to attach, don’t sleep with him.
You need to find someone that is in your space, not step down to his.
Reading the article: 7 Lessons in Manliness a friend posted, it’s so interesting to see how times have changed. The vague: “Lets hang out” instead of being a man and being serious about pursuing a woman. The following is like gold. Lesson #4, is my favorite:
This was a time where there was no hanging out or “hooking up.” Men asked women on real dates, and had serious intentions in doing so. When a particular gal caught a man’s heart, he proposed, and they got hitched. And they were married for the next 60 years.
I don’t know what happened to the men of this generation, it’s thankfully not all men but some anyway. Guys aren’t asking women out on real dates…they just want to “hang out” …and sleep with you…but be exclusive? That’s taking it too far. Oh and by the way, it’s not that he doesn’t want to be exclusive, he just doesn’t want that with you. You are occupying his time until he finds a shiny new object to play with. So even though it’s not all guys who are like this, there are TOO many that are. A relieving fact about this is, that’s not up to you to sit and worry about it. It’s only up to you stop making excuses for why that is OK.
I am not a believer in saving it for marriage but I am a believer in valuing yourself enough to be a woman and stop letting this cop out behavior continue.
It all comes down to the fear of him walking away. Stop being chicken shit, let him go! You are worth more than that, it’s time you start believing it. It’s time you start to value your vag!
So repeat after me:
I am a wonderful woman.
I value my femininity, I value all parts of my body and mind.
I am worthy of a man respecting me enough to wait until I am comfortable with giving him that part of me.
I am worthy of a man wanting to commit to me and only me when I’m ready.
Sex is more than a handshake.
I am FUCKING awesome.
…and you are.