Chapter 18. I Have a Secret!

If I tell you this…you are to keep my secret SAFE! Are we clear??

OK, here it goes…I.have.a crush.

Alright, now…stop freaking out.

How did this guy get past date #1?? Rare indeed. I still can’t figure it out. I can’t pinpoint what exactly I like about him.  All I know is that it’s enough to have accepted a 2nd and 3rd date with him….I don’t get it. I don’t think I would have ever picked this guy out of a crowd and to be honest, he may not have picked me out either.

I can tell you this much…this guy is just himself. He is witty and comfortable around other people. I find that extremely attractive. He is sweet, thoughtful, and romantic. He likes animals, loves veg days, is not afraid to act silly, likes smiling, and is super easy going.

We met by chance as I was celebrating a friend’s birthday on a boat and was introduced to him by another friend. We started talking and at the end of the boat ride, had asked me out.

My first instinct was to just say “No.” Because I have not been in that space. I have have been unavailable, M.I.A., gone A.W.O.L., you get it. I didn’t want anything to do with it. What can I say? I have gotten beyond used to being single, have been a truly happy single person and haven’t really felt the need to share my time or space with anyone because I haven’t gotten lonely or have felt that love was lacking in my life. Why would I? I have a lot of love around me, and when it comes to romance, I take myself on amazing dates and have some of the most romantic and fun evenings! So, I don’t know what came over me but I said “yes” instead..and I have to confess, I’m glad I did.

On our first date, he took me to Malibu. A winery to start. What a beautiful place. Twinkling white lights, and a woman singing Ray LaMontagne songs…oh and wine…oh yeah, mama was happy. We had great conversation, laughed, and I was immediately comfortable with him…and it wasn’t because of the wine. After wine, he took me to dinner at Moonshadows in Malibu. Great ambiance and the food, to die for. He had put thought into this date and I appreciated that….and for once in a long time, I was enjoying the company of my date and didn’t need the atmosphere around us to distract me from it.

Being that he had been a complete gentleman from the beginning, I was impressed but not surprised that after dinner, he brought me straight home and didn’t ask to come up, didn’t ask me to go to his place or anything. He simply asked to see me again and I of course, said yes. He gave me a sweet kiss goodnight and I went upstairs…

We have been out several times since then and I have to admit, I am enjoying his company completely.

Weird I know. It’s like I’m acting like a girl all of a sudden..(WHAT.THE.EFFF?!)I care what he thinks, and though this may all end tomorrow, I’ve enjoyed spending time with him.

OK. I need you all to stop gasping now….because I can hear you. Oh wait, that’s me because I’m still in shock that I like someone.

You all have gotten to know me enough through my blog and in person to know that not much impresses me…so to have a crush on someone might make you think your favorite “Captain of the Singles” gal (yes, I’ve been called that, I even have a Captains hat!),just might have thought further into..dare I say, an actual relationship with someone?! What is the world coming to? Relax, let’s not all panic just yet…I still have my Captains hat and am free to wear it anytime!

I am not saying that I  would be in a relationship with him in particular but have thought now, about being open to a relationship with someone…which is not something I thought myself to be anytime soon. My recent blog posts are there to prove it but I didn’t expect to meet someone that I would enjoy the company of more than my own.  I also didn’t want to date because T is going through what she’s going through, I didn’t want to put myself in a position to make her feel alone. Funny enough, my dear friend wants me to find love. She’s always talking about how much I deserve it. I never entertain it. I just usually, laugh it off.

I had a plan, or no plan I guess. I am in a “vacation job” which I thought didn’t look very impressive and thought I would begin dating once T was all done with her treatment and I had a great job again but I’m finding, oddly enough, people like me just the same. I was sure I didn’t have much to give to anyone…but this has opened my eyes and makes me want to give and make someone else happy besides myself.

Interesting how just having a crush on someone can make you think about your present and future… which isn’t like me at all but alas my dear readers, You will find that I am human and hate to break this to you but I am in fact, a girl:)

So am I ready to jump the “Singles Ship” and become Captain of the “Relation Ship?” (padum bum);)

Just might test the waters;)